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She's gone and death seems the best way.

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SeekerOfEuphoria

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 8, 2011
Messages
69
Location
WNY
The rundown is this. I've been with my girlfriend the love of my life for 3.5 years. We were each others first and only. We were in complete love and never wanted anyone else. Until 2 weeks ago. She started ignoring me.

i find out some guy I know is getting with her (nothing sexual yet), and just because he goes to her parents church and literally, get this, asked for there blessing to date her they love him already. Even though they liked me this whole time as well. So two days ago she got back with me, thought we were back to normal. She even told me to marry her and shit. Then tonight I find out from her mom she's with Kait but has been dating someone else. And her mom said I should leave her alone and that her parents like this guy more.
So I flipped telling em all about this guy's conquests with girls and such...but to no avail. This guy is even leaving to go on tour with a shity band in a month so she won't see him anyway. Now I can't get an explanation from her or talk to her at all, which has driven me mad. To violence. I want to die...and if you knew me you'd know I'm not the type of person who wants anyone else. She was it and I was it for her for so long.... I just dunno if life without her is worth it. I just want an explanation and to hear her voice one last time, or to find this guy and beat him senseless. Someone please encourage me since apparently since I destroyed my phone while talking to her mom I can't get ahold of anyone to talk to. Thanks fellow BL'ers. Oh more info. I've de3fended her life before from people, I've been the only one who cared for her forever and I'm hopelessly addicted to opiates now, since she kinda always nagged me to get them for her and me.
 
I know you're going nuts right now. I've been there. John Lennon wrote in a Beatles song, "I'll give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind." Right now, you need that peace of mind and can't ge it.

Here are two things that are all I can tell you: (1) it will get better with time. I promise. No matter how hard it is to exist each second, you have to make yourself do it. (2) Work on yourself. Focus on yourself. Get off opiates. Work out. Help others. You can't change her, but you can change yourself, and when you do, you will feel incredibly powerful.
 
Don't do it. I know its hard right now but life will get better, one day you will move on. And I know that sounds so fucking cliche but its true. I can say this because my boyfriend ended up dying (I know your girlfriend didn't) but I just felt like I had nothing left and wanted to die. These feelings may seem right especially right now but they're not. Life is precious and should not be thrown away because of something that you can not change. Again, yes its hard but sooner or later you will move on even if it does not seem that way now.
 
You know what - seriously ... you will feel like shit for the short term. No amount of 'it'll be alright' reassurances from anyone here, from the least experienced to the most, will alleviate that or remove it. It's a burden you will go through irrespective.
You'll feel like utter despair, like no-one wants you, like you've been betrayed, abandoned, angry, resentful and all of it. :X

When I parted from someone I devoted everything to for a period of some years, I felt exactly the same way. I treated her and her family & friends like gold, then out of the blue, with absolutely no indication anything was wrong, came the word from her that she felt nothing.

Mind, this was after I had helped her move 3 times, always been there for her, given up days of my work to care for her when she was sick, and absolutely gave 100% of myself to ensure her happiness. The end result was that she could give me no reason at all (even went so far as to say that she'd never been treated better in all her life - seriously), but her decision, made after a trip to New Zealand, cut me like a knife through hot butter, even though she assured me there was no 3rd party involved. :\

My point is that you can be what *you* consider the best person for someone you are with - you can give absolutely all of yourself, but in the end, there are no guarantees. All it means is that you have not found the person who is prepared to give you back what you give them ... and you may never.

Perhaps the best that most of us can live to expect out of life and love is at least a genuine feeling that the person we respect and want enough to actually love is serious in giving back that same attention, and then you work on it to solidify it from there.
Then again, there are those amongst us who find the absolute love of their life and it turns out to be at least that good, if not better in the long term.

However, very few people who are each others 'firsts', as you've alluded to above, can be counted in that true long life's love rarefied air. The reasons can be wide and varied, but not the least of which is the natural human desire (and the length of time varies markedly with each individual, and guys & girls generally) to explore a variety of avenues, before making a choice to settle down based upon the experiences gained from those varying choices of partners.

Even then, some people settle down, others do not, but the law of averages really are in favour of most people enjoying a varying amount of choice of partner before making what they consider their final choice.

Where you are right now is in a place of hurt - and you need to work through that and experience that in order to toughen yourself up for the next time - and as sure as the sun rises each day, it will happen again. It may well be that it is nothing to do with anything you've done, then again it might be - that's life.

If it was easy strolling through life as we'd wish, to be honest, it would be boring and somewhat predictable. However, we all go through the hurt, the pain, time & time again, and this too will make you more selective in your partner choices in future - it's the human way of trying at least, to lessen the impact of what has happened before.
It will not make the feeling you've had with your g/f any easier to take, but perhaps it will make you understand you are in one of the biggest clubs in the world - The Heartbreak Club - and you have here in this forum, a great many members of that Club happy to advise you and offer wise counsel to make the rough ride a little easier. But you must do the miles.

It doesn't matter what you've done for her in the past, nor how many times you've defended her life, that you might want to smash this other guy out (do you really think that will make her feelings change toward you?) etc. You can still care for her forever, if that is what you want, but be aware that she has moved on at this time from what you both thought you had - and again, although it is hard to accept right now, she cannot be blamed for normal human needs, in this case, to expand her emotional horizons, rather than limit them to one person.

Live and let live, my friend - as for you, this has freed you to pursue similar endeavors at your leisure when you are ready to. You may not want to right now, but take a tip from a member of the Heartbreak Club ... when you LEAST expect it, lust/love will rear up and nip you on the arse, and this whole delicious, horrible, wonderful, painful, glorious situation will happen all over again.
In a way, we're all a little sado-masochistic, because we're nearly all prepared to go through or invite that inevitable pain, to eventually get the gain - and you will get there, just concentrate on what is important to you right now (opiates etc are not invited), get out and mix with friends, treat people with kindness and respect, let life happen without forcing it, know you are far far from alone in experiencing this, and you may be quite surprised at the positive results that follow. :)

P.S. A little tip too .. never give totally 100% of yourself, 99.9% yes ... but always keep that little bit back there for you, no matter if you think you need to or not.
 
Fuck her man.

Put away anything that reminds you of her (and don't want to competely get rid of / destory) somewhere out of sight. Don't call or see her.

You will feel like shit for a long time, but i guarantee you will feel better.. just give yourself time.

Much love <3
 
rickolasnice said:
Fuck her man.

Put away anything that reminds you of her (and don't want to competely get rid of / destory) somewhere out of sight. Don't call or see her.

You will feel like shit for a long time, but i guarantee you will feel better.. just give yourself time.

Much love <3
Click to expand...

Yes, get rid of anything that reminds you of her! Very important!!! If you don't want to get rid of it, put it in a box, for later. And keep yourself busy doing other things.
Like others have said, you're going to feel terrible for a little while. Unfortunately, none of us can all of a sudden make you feel all happy again. However, in time, you will get over her. And you will find someone else - who is worth your time, your love, etc. What kept me going through the breakup with my ex (which was my decision, but still), was thinking, if it was meant to be, we'll end up back together again. Almost two years later and we certainly aren't back together again but I am much happier without him now. But just after the breakup, I never though I'd reach this point. But you will. Try to think positively, and keep yourself busy!
 
rickolasnice said:
Fuck her man.

Put away anything that reminds you of her (and don't want to competely get rid of / destory) somewhere out of sight. Don't call or see her.

You will feel like shit for a long time, but i guarantee you will feel better.. just give yourself time.

Much love <3
Click to expand...

Yea this is my strategy. Out of sight out of mind really works. You just cant hang onto things. You seriously just have realize it is all over. Even if you want to hold onto that hope that one day you two could possibly be back together. But if you think about it, will it ever be the same? Best to just move on starting NOW.
 
everybody else in the thread is right - it will get better but there's no way we can make you believe that at this time.

she's the only girl you've been with and all you've known in terms of relationships. i know she was everything to you and it's hard to imagine being with somebody else (believe me, i've been there). can you see that it's possible - even if it seems unlikely to you at this time - that you'll get over this and maybe meet somebody else and that relationship will be even better?

also ask yourself this. she's ignored you and cheated on you. why would you want to be with somebody who treats you like that?

you say you want an explanation. you need to come to terms with the fact that you'll probably never get one.

finally, i think you need to be more honest about your relationship with opiates. maybe she nagged you to get them but you're an adult - you chose to take them. be a man and take some responsibility for that choice? blaming her for that decision is a cop out.

best wishes

alasdair
 
Please, don't do it.

I had that bomb dropped on me just today. Or not completely, but she says she wants a break. We all know what that (usually) means. She's not my first, but she's the first I've ever seriously thought I could marry and settle down with, discussed that thought with, and had those sentiments reciprocated. The next weeks at least are gonna be tough as shit for me, and obviously for you too - but I can promise you that this was not your one shot at love, your scripted ending - you'll find many opportunities to fall in love with someone. You may not want that right now - I certainly don't - but you need to accept that your death will only hurt those closest to you, and most importantly, deprive you of a happy life.

You may have felt like she was your perfect soulmate, but she did this - you don't want to spend the rest of your life with her, and would you want to give it all up because of someone like that?

Don't go hurting yourself, don't do anything stupid. It's all gonna be alright.
 
My girlfriend cheated on me with one of my mates, although it never made quite sense because it was the complete opposite of her personality, she was riddled with anxiety and had trouble even talking to anyone other than me or her old friends from childhood.
We got back together after a year, they dated for a while which only add to my hurt, but then he cheated on her and we just sort fell back together. As it turns out he plowed her with alcohol and told her she could sleep at his house, she went into a spare bed and he instead of going to sleep in his own fucking bed, decides he's going to take advantage of my tiny girlfriend, who can barely talk or walk properly as drunk as she is. She didn't even realise exactly what had happened until the morning. Like most sexual assault victims she blamed herself with every excuse she could to make it her fault. She even dated him for a year because she felt that know one would ever want to be with her again, because she was in her mind a cheating whore and of course her anxiety definitely didn't help her perception of what everyone thought of her.

Here's my point.
When we broke up my brain sort of did this thing where it snapped, it was sink or swim, I had had pretty severe depression in the past and this girl had sort of made me realise life was worth living back then, so my brain sort of snapped and said if you can't be happy right now, you will never be, you will probably kill yourself. I was at my lowest point, so low that I had nowhere to go but up, it almost felt like a delusional state, but not really. My psychiatrist described it as an epiphany, although I'd argue it was a little more complex than that, my brain was all sorts of whack.

But, had I not stepped aside for my arsehole sexually abusive weirdo ex-friend to date her, she wouldn't have come to realisations about him or herself, and had I not decided to go off and party and meet new people and live my life I would have been a boring prick with a public service job and a deep resentment for the world. And furthermore had I not opened my heart back up to her when she came back to me in her darkest hour, I never would have known she had suffered twice as much as I had in the last year, and I never would have been a strong, independent enough person to support her the way she needs right now, had we not been apart.

Everything seems crazy to you right now, it's not even hurt I know, it's like a spinning dizzying array of crazy unexplainable indefinable negativity that just disorients you at every turn, but don't shut your mind to the possibilities of life because before you even can make sense of what you're experiencing right now, life will have you in another direction, but only if you open your mind to the idea that you can, and do deserve to be happy if you choose to be.
 
SeekerOfEuphoria said:
The rundown is this. I've been with my girlfriend the love of my life for 3.5 years. We were each others first and only. We were in complete love and never wanted anyone else. Until 2 weeks ago. She started ignoring me.

i find out some guy I know is getting with her (nothing sexual yet), and just because he goes to her parents church and literally, get this, asked for there blessing to date her they love him already. Even though they liked me this whole time as well. So two days ago she got back with me, thought we were back to normal. She even told me to marry her and shit. Then tonight I find out from her mom she's with Kait but has been dating someone else. And her mom said I should leave her alone and that her parents like this guy more.
So I flipped telling em all about this guy's conquests with girls and such...but to no avail. This guy is even leaving to go on tour with a shity band in a month so she won't see him anyway. Now I can't get an explanation from her or talk to her at all, which has driven me mad. To violence. I want to die...and if you knew me you'd know I'm not the type of person who wants anyone else. She was it and I was it for her for so long.... I just dunno if life without her is worth it. I just want an explanation and to hear her voice one last time, or to find this guy and beat him senseless. Someone please encourage me since apparently since I destroyed my phone while talking to her mom I can't get ahold of anyone to talk to. Thanks fellow BL'ers. Oh more info. I've de3fended her life before from people, I've been the only one who cared for her forever and I'm hopelessly addicted to opiates now, since she kinda always nagged me to get them for her and me.
Click to expand...
You need to loose the sense of entitlement you seem to have regarding her. Its great that you helped her in the past, but its ludicrous to suggest that she may be partly responsible for your opiate problem and therefore must stay with you.

Forget any feeling of entitlement. Man up, grab your life by the balls and become a whole individual again, rather than a relationship half. Make choices, accept responsibility for them. Learn from the experience and grow. Live.
 
You know what - seriously ... you will feel like shit for the short term. No amount of 'it'll be alright' reassurances from anyone here, from the least experienced to the most, will alleviate that or remove it. It's a burden you will go through irrespective.
Click to expand...

Oh, it's so true. It's gonna feel so trite saying "It gets better. You will find someone else," but you don't really see it that way when you're in that position. The thing is, OP, would you want to stay stuck with someone who obviously doesn't care about you as much as you care about her? If she goes for this guy, it's not your problem anymore. If he fucks her over, she will likely come back to you, but at that point, you should see it for what it is: she's using you.

Don't make the mistake of allowing someone to pull on your heartstrings at their will. There are many people out there who would love you as much as you love them.
 
alasdairm said:
sometimes "i need a break" means "i want to breakup". but sometimes "i need a break" means "i need a break" :)

i hope it works out.

alasdair
Click to expand...

Yeah, this time it meant "Who's hungry for some HEARTBREAK!!" =D

Seriously though, she dropped it on me not soon after, as you can see from the timing. Drugs clouding my judgment and desperation drove me to do some pretty stupid and crazy shit in the past two nights, but so far as I know the worst consequences are the loss of a VISA Electron and the neighbours thinking I'm a fucking loon.

My love of 22 months, and the first with which I'd contemplated and discussed marriage and kids. I do hope there is at least one other anything like her in the world.

I'm devastated, but so life goes on. I am a creature of love; I live off its exchange, but will feed on giving it for extended periods when receiving is in low supply.

EDIT: Wow, I did say I was "devastated", but I don't know what cloud I was floating on yesterday to have been able to write such an optimistic message. I feel like a world of shit today.
 
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