She said to me, "Hi how are you?"
And as I looked up, I realized that she wasn't there.
She hadn't been there for years.
Time had passed and now I was just waking up.
Holy Jesus I missed her so much.
Where was she now? What was she doing?
Why hadn't she kept in contact...
I thought that what we had as friends meant something more
More than just... falling away
Forever disappearing into the maddness of society
Forever falling away from me
Was I meant to fall in love...
And then have that take away from me?
Just like that? Just like this?
And I do still recall the taste of her
I recall the texture of her skin
Her voice is as clear now as it ever has been.
That one yellow spot in her left eye.
After we broke up we stayed friends.
Really stayed friends. None of that fake shit.
We honestly talked and had no stress between us.
No hard feelings were ever kept.
It was real
This story is real.
Her mom loved me
Her mom hated all her new boyfriends.
-- fuck this two line shit, I'm gonna start writing. I've been struck.
I remember sitting in her room as a party unfolded itself outside. People smoking weed, two people tripping. tons of beer and a bunch of coke. of course some speed too. As I sat there nursing my bottle of Aftershock I thought about how scary coke was and didn't know how to react to the people I saw doing it... so I just kept to myself. Then she offered me some speed, of course I took it. But that's all I ever did... amphetamine and alcohol. I hated even smoking pot.
She would always get so tore back. She'd always drink the most and snort the most and smoke the most and pass out last. It was amazing. Then I remember one party, just like any other party when I first hit third plateau on DXM and I fell over in front of her house, laying in the front yard watching the sky. I guess I blacked out. She had dragged me to the other side of the house (her in a drunken/stoned stupor) just so that no one saw me laying in the walkway. So no one would make fun of me later. And we were alone at the side of the house as she sat on me and I looked at her insanely asking what had happened. She explained it all. the way she used to always explain things... it was *always* so clear everytime she spoke. She sat on my stomach/hip area and held my arms down... totally drunk (though she never would forget the next day, no mater how wasted). she wispered in my ear something that maybe she wanted me to remember... maybe not. "I love you, you are my favorite person, you are my best friend, and I don't ever want to lose you"
There was a rush. The dxm went away. The weed from earlier went away and I was engulfed in this rush. It came out so forcefully that it was painful. tears in my eyes, tears down my face. She kept holding down my arms... so I couldn't wipe my face, just to be her... I dunno. It was the first time I had cried since I lost my grandmother five years prior. I hadn't cried in five years.
I told her I never wanted to see her leave, that she too was my best friend and that I cherished her....
*a kiss*
and then time passed like electricity from that moment until now.
She left.
Without saying goodbye
I became cold again, empty again. Fuck the world, fuck fate and karma and all that zen bullshit. I FOUND A REAL FUCKING FRIEND. Beyond any of my male friends or cohorts. WAY beyond. And because of my bullshit ideas towards drugs and drug use she thought I would be ashamed of her. So she left with some guy she thought she loved and went to 'get away from it all'. From the coke, from the speed. She thought I would look down on her because she had whatever problem she had... so she just left.
The guy she left with was horrible for her. I remember one time he made the mistake of throwing her to the ground for no real reason ... he did this in front of me. The people around me said they could almost see a surge rise up in me and I went out to my car and grabbed my tire-iron. I was going to kill him. I was honestly going to take his life and murder him. I had obviously snapped. She just meant so much. I was not so stable back then though... today I would have just settled for a good 'ol beating. but then I wanted him to die. My friends rolled up to pick me up right as I was sifting through my trunk. Of course they tell me to get into the fucking car and to stop being crazy. My friends had to actually jump ME and beat me up to get me into the car. I didn't blame them... I never have. They were being good friends.
And of course it turns out that he was wrong for her. She realized it on her own. Suprising to me. She moved away from him and back with her parents (who had moved to North Carolina). She's going to school now and makes it a point to stay away from all drugs and parties. She works and goes to school... she's slowly ammassing friends again.
I talked to her. Nothing had changed. Just everything resurfaced. Different lives though now... still I would give *everything* up and leave if she asked me to. She knows this... which is why I'm still in california and she's in North carolina, she'd never ask me to leave it all behind.
Strickly because she knows that I would.
Pyro
------------------
Anyone else feel like they're 'growing up' with bluelight?
And as I looked up, I realized that she wasn't there.
She hadn't been there for years.
Time had passed and now I was just waking up.
Holy Jesus I missed her so much.
Where was she now? What was she doing?
Why hadn't she kept in contact...
I thought that what we had as friends meant something more
More than just... falling away
Forever disappearing into the maddness of society
Forever falling away from me
Was I meant to fall in love...
And then have that take away from me?
Just like that? Just like this?
And I do still recall the taste of her
I recall the texture of her skin
Her voice is as clear now as it ever has been.
That one yellow spot in her left eye.
After we broke up we stayed friends.
Really stayed friends. None of that fake shit.
We honestly talked and had no stress between us.
No hard feelings were ever kept.
It was real
This story is real.
Her mom loved me
Her mom hated all her new boyfriends.
-- fuck this two line shit, I'm gonna start writing. I've been struck.
I remember sitting in her room as a party unfolded itself outside. People smoking weed, two people tripping. tons of beer and a bunch of coke. of course some speed too. As I sat there nursing my bottle of Aftershock I thought about how scary coke was and didn't know how to react to the people I saw doing it... so I just kept to myself. Then she offered me some speed, of course I took it. But that's all I ever did... amphetamine and alcohol. I hated even smoking pot.
She would always get so tore back. She'd always drink the most and snort the most and smoke the most and pass out last. It was amazing. Then I remember one party, just like any other party when I first hit third plateau on DXM and I fell over in front of her house, laying in the front yard watching the sky. I guess I blacked out. She had dragged me to the other side of the house (her in a drunken/stoned stupor) just so that no one saw me laying in the walkway. So no one would make fun of me later. And we were alone at the side of the house as she sat on me and I looked at her insanely asking what had happened. She explained it all. the way she used to always explain things... it was *always* so clear everytime she spoke. She sat on my stomach/hip area and held my arms down... totally drunk (though she never would forget the next day, no mater how wasted). she wispered in my ear something that maybe she wanted me to remember... maybe not. "I love you, you are my favorite person, you are my best friend, and I don't ever want to lose you"
There was a rush. The dxm went away. The weed from earlier went away and I was engulfed in this rush. It came out so forcefully that it was painful. tears in my eyes, tears down my face. She kept holding down my arms... so I couldn't wipe my face, just to be her... I dunno. It was the first time I had cried since I lost my grandmother five years prior. I hadn't cried in five years.
I told her I never wanted to see her leave, that she too was my best friend and that I cherished her....
*a kiss*
and then time passed like electricity from that moment until now.
She left.
Without saying goodbye
I became cold again, empty again. Fuck the world, fuck fate and karma and all that zen bullshit. I FOUND A REAL FUCKING FRIEND. Beyond any of my male friends or cohorts. WAY beyond. And because of my bullshit ideas towards drugs and drug use she thought I would be ashamed of her. So she left with some guy she thought she loved and went to 'get away from it all'. From the coke, from the speed. She thought I would look down on her because she had whatever problem she had... so she just left.
The guy she left with was horrible for her. I remember one time he made the mistake of throwing her to the ground for no real reason ... he did this in front of me. The people around me said they could almost see a surge rise up in me and I went out to my car and grabbed my tire-iron. I was going to kill him. I was honestly going to take his life and murder him. I had obviously snapped. She just meant so much. I was not so stable back then though... today I would have just settled for a good 'ol beating. but then I wanted him to die. My friends rolled up to pick me up right as I was sifting through my trunk. Of course they tell me to get into the fucking car and to stop being crazy. My friends had to actually jump ME and beat me up to get me into the car. I didn't blame them... I never have. They were being good friends.
And of course it turns out that he was wrong for her. She realized it on her own. Suprising to me. She moved away from him and back with her parents (who had moved to North Carolina). She's going to school now and makes it a point to stay away from all drugs and parties. She works and goes to school... she's slowly ammassing friends again.
I talked to her. Nothing had changed. Just everything resurfaced. Different lives though now... still I would give *everything* up and leave if she asked me to. She knows this... which is why I'm still in california and she's in North carolina, she'd never ask me to leave it all behind.
Strickly because she knows that I would.
Pyro
------------------
Anyone else feel like they're 'growing up' with bluelight?
