B
BrainOnOverload
Guest
20 year old male
ok so ive been straight for 18 years of my life, undoubtedly ive liked women and had sex with 4 of em
never did i have a thought that i was gay, i was always a lil nervous and excited about girls but with guys i was just like whatever cuz there was no pressure for them to like me i didn't care about having relationship with guys outside of a few personal friends
then around 18 came a dark period in my life, i crashed my parents car for the second time and i feel like i havent been the same person since
recklessness led to the crash, and after it i felt like i couldn't be confident in myself because if i became confident id be reckeless again and do somethign stupid again
this crash happened right at the beginning of senior year, there was frame damage so the car was a total loss
oh and a couple months later i gave up on my best friend of like 15 years because he was a secret meth addict behind my back
i thought i could trust that guy with my life, but he never reciprocated the trust and this was the final straw i was tired of him weighing me down in life
i felt like high school was a waste cause of him now, we just spent time getting high when i could of been chasing girls and having relationships
i didnt want a girlfriend until i was around 17 end of junior year, after one girl actively pursued me and we dated for like a couple weeks, and that was like the best week of my life even though it ended badly it opened me up to have much fun i could have with a girlfriend. and it wasn't because of the sex, it was just her company and being intimate with her going on picnics and hikes that was amazing
seriously being with her just holding hands, going out, going swimming and giving each other back rubs in the hot tub was a better experience than my friendship with my best friend of 15
if i could spend 15 years with a girl like her or him, id chose her everyday of the week
sadly i was a little too into her and she was a slut, we never talked about being exclusive but i thought we would be until i found out she was planning to fuck another dude without telling me
our relationship ended the summer before senior year
i was a shell of myself that senior year, and couldn't get with any of the girls i really wanted and that really hurt
then i ended up having sex with a girl during a tequila blackout (i dont remember too much), and that was the last time i had sex about a year ago
she gave me a non std rash and that led to me promising to myself that i wouldn't have sex with a girl that i didn't really like because none of the other times were as special as with the girl i dated
i enjoyed having sex with the other girls too, but with one i jerked off like 3 times beforehand and there wasn't much sensation left even though i was fully aroused
and with other girls i just ended up coming really fast because it felt so good i couldn't hold it without any sexual stamina
being an attractive male myself, ive heard from girls telling me they expected me to be having a ton of sex and obviously to be good at it, and that just led me to have a huge performance anxiety
so i got a haircut sometime after having sex the last time and i felt like i looked like a gay man (shallow i know), and i began to wonder why nothing worked out with women even though i wanted it to
i didnt meet a lot of new girls over this past year and the thoughts just extrapolated and became obsessive in my head especially when i was smoking weed
i would feel like i was rejected by women everywhere because i couldn't get with any of the ones i like
i became obsessed with seeing if i was gay, thinking if i was attracted to every man i saw
i thought i was suffering from HOCD because i would gag (straight up close to vomiting) if i thought about it too much, but eventually i realised i could get turned on by gay porn but if i am in person or think about being with a man and i think about doing something sexual i still gag sometimes
i then thought of myself as bi, but i have a hard time accepting bisexuality because i was never attracted to men and its hard for me to see it anything but a transitional phase
i realize there are bi men out there, but i just feel like i dont really believe in bisexuality existing even though logically it makes sense
it feels like denial sometimes, but i dont understand how i can still get aroused by women
so flashforward to recently and i was hooking up with a girl on my bed, and during the passionate making out on my bed i was rock hard
hell as soon as she sat next to me on the bed and we cuddled for a bit at the start i was already hard
she started blowing me and i started thinking "omg a girl is blowing me after so long" and i lost it
i could feel an orgasm coming on, i didnt want to look like a loser for ejaculating so early again so i squeezed my kegels hard and held in the cum but i still orgasmed
after i orgasmed i just couldnt get it back up again, it went soft and i starting going down on her and rubbing myself but the position was very uncomfortable and i was very anxious and i couldn't do it
we didnt end up having sex and i felt like shit after she left because i really wanted to
now the thing you should know about me is that i'm a masturbation and porn addict. since i was like 13 ive been masturbating probably like every single day of my life sometimes a few times a day and sometimes when i was way younger like 5 times a day
so after this recent event when i was obviously aroused by a women but couldnt go for round two and i cant help but wonder wats wrong with me, men my age shouldnt have problems with ed
am i bi, am i gay, have i damaged my self a lot through porn? i have so much performance anxiety but i can still get aroused by women from simple things like touching their skin, rubbing on them, squeezing their thighs
i just dont understand what's happened to me since that car crash, it feels like my life has hit a huge tailspin without all the sexual confusion to add on to it all now
sorry for the long and messy post, im just looking for advice or something because i feel lost and have been depressive and suicidal (i wouldn't hurt myself)
if you asked me who i was a year ago i would of confidently answered you because i was confident in my self
since that crash i feel like ive lost myself, like theres a hole inside me and im a shell of who i ever was
ive thought maybe i should experiment with a man, but i find it gross yet i still get these pervasive uncontrollable thoughts
i feel like the right girl can swing me back to the original team and make me happy, besides its always been my dream to have a wife one day and raise kids with her
i like girls, i just have so much performance anxiety with the sexual aspect of a relationship that its driving me crazy
i know i can get hard all by myself, and when i'm alone and im texting a girl and we're sexting or there's sexual innuendo i get turned on
how do i get out of my head and not panic when im hooking with a girl? i feel like im constantly feeling my erection when we're hooking up to check if im hard and in turn that anxiety and stress is making me go a lil limper than i was
and finally how do i stop masturbating? ive been able to cut down on porn but i still think about times in the day when im not at home when i can get home and watch some porn scene i remember. but i cant stop masturbating, i have to jerk it a couple times a day to relieve the tension. ive been jerking it without porn (though ive noticed its much harder to get aroused without it and takes longer) and without orgasming or holding it in by squeezing kegels when i cant control it
anyways thats a lot to absorb, response to anything would be helpful
ok so ive been straight for 18 years of my life, undoubtedly ive liked women and had sex with 4 of em
never did i have a thought that i was gay, i was always a lil nervous and excited about girls but with guys i was just like whatever cuz there was no pressure for them to like me i didn't care about having relationship with guys outside of a few personal friends
then around 18 came a dark period in my life, i crashed my parents car for the second time and i feel like i havent been the same person since
recklessness led to the crash, and after it i felt like i couldn't be confident in myself because if i became confident id be reckeless again and do somethign stupid again
this crash happened right at the beginning of senior year, there was frame damage so the car was a total loss
oh and a couple months later i gave up on my best friend of like 15 years because he was a secret meth addict behind my back
i thought i could trust that guy with my life, but he never reciprocated the trust and this was the final straw i was tired of him weighing me down in life
i felt like high school was a waste cause of him now, we just spent time getting high when i could of been chasing girls and having relationships
i didnt want a girlfriend until i was around 17 end of junior year, after one girl actively pursued me and we dated for like a couple weeks, and that was like the best week of my life even though it ended badly it opened me up to have much fun i could have with a girlfriend. and it wasn't because of the sex, it was just her company and being intimate with her going on picnics and hikes that was amazing
seriously being with her just holding hands, going out, going swimming and giving each other back rubs in the hot tub was a better experience than my friendship with my best friend of 15
if i could spend 15 years with a girl like her or him, id chose her everyday of the week
sadly i was a little too into her and she was a slut, we never talked about being exclusive but i thought we would be until i found out she was planning to fuck another dude without telling me
our relationship ended the summer before senior year
i was a shell of myself that senior year, and couldn't get with any of the girls i really wanted and that really hurt
then i ended up having sex with a girl during a tequila blackout (i dont remember too much), and that was the last time i had sex about a year ago
she gave me a non std rash and that led to me promising to myself that i wouldn't have sex with a girl that i didn't really like because none of the other times were as special as with the girl i dated
i enjoyed having sex with the other girls too, but with one i jerked off like 3 times beforehand and there wasn't much sensation left even though i was fully aroused
and with other girls i just ended up coming really fast because it felt so good i couldn't hold it without any sexual stamina
being an attractive male myself, ive heard from girls telling me they expected me to be having a ton of sex and obviously to be good at it, and that just led me to have a huge performance anxiety
so i got a haircut sometime after having sex the last time and i felt like i looked like a gay man (shallow i know), and i began to wonder why nothing worked out with women even though i wanted it to
i didnt meet a lot of new girls over this past year and the thoughts just extrapolated and became obsessive in my head especially when i was smoking weed
i would feel like i was rejected by women everywhere because i couldn't get with any of the ones i like
i became obsessed with seeing if i was gay, thinking if i was attracted to every man i saw
i thought i was suffering from HOCD because i would gag (straight up close to vomiting) if i thought about it too much, but eventually i realised i could get turned on by gay porn but if i am in person or think about being with a man and i think about doing something sexual i still gag sometimes
i then thought of myself as bi, but i have a hard time accepting bisexuality because i was never attracted to men and its hard for me to see it anything but a transitional phase
i realize there are bi men out there, but i just feel like i dont really believe in bisexuality existing even though logically it makes sense
it feels like denial sometimes, but i dont understand how i can still get aroused by women
so flashforward to recently and i was hooking up with a girl on my bed, and during the passionate making out on my bed i was rock hard
hell as soon as she sat next to me on the bed and we cuddled for a bit at the start i was already hard
she started blowing me and i started thinking "omg a girl is blowing me after so long" and i lost it
i could feel an orgasm coming on, i didnt want to look like a loser for ejaculating so early again so i squeezed my kegels hard and held in the cum but i still orgasmed
after i orgasmed i just couldnt get it back up again, it went soft and i starting going down on her and rubbing myself but the position was very uncomfortable and i was very anxious and i couldn't do it
we didnt end up having sex and i felt like shit after she left because i really wanted to
now the thing you should know about me is that i'm a masturbation and porn addict. since i was like 13 ive been masturbating probably like every single day of my life sometimes a few times a day and sometimes when i was way younger like 5 times a day
so after this recent event when i was obviously aroused by a women but couldnt go for round two and i cant help but wonder wats wrong with me, men my age shouldnt have problems with ed
am i bi, am i gay, have i damaged my self a lot through porn? i have so much performance anxiety but i can still get aroused by women from simple things like touching their skin, rubbing on them, squeezing their thighs
i just dont understand what's happened to me since that car crash, it feels like my life has hit a huge tailspin without all the sexual confusion to add on to it all now
sorry for the long and messy post, im just looking for advice or something because i feel lost and have been depressive and suicidal (i wouldn't hurt myself)
if you asked me who i was a year ago i would of confidently answered you because i was confident in my self
since that crash i feel like ive lost myself, like theres a hole inside me and im a shell of who i ever was
ive thought maybe i should experiment with a man, but i find it gross yet i still get these pervasive uncontrollable thoughts
i feel like the right girl can swing me back to the original team and make me happy, besides its always been my dream to have a wife one day and raise kids with her
i like girls, i just have so much performance anxiety with the sexual aspect of a relationship that its driving me crazy
i know i can get hard all by myself, and when i'm alone and im texting a girl and we're sexting or there's sexual innuendo i get turned on
how do i get out of my head and not panic when im hooking with a girl? i feel like im constantly feeling my erection when we're hooking up to check if im hard and in turn that anxiety and stress is making me go a lil limper than i was
and finally how do i stop masturbating? ive been able to cut down on porn but i still think about times in the day when im not at home when i can get home and watch some porn scene i remember. but i cant stop masturbating, i have to jerk it a couple times a day to relieve the tension. ive been jerking it without porn (though ive noticed its much harder to get aroused without it and takes longer) and without orgasming or holding it in by squeezing kegels when i cant control it
anyways thats a lot to absorb, response to anything would be helpful
