Colonel Contin
Bluelighter
I've always considered myself incredibly open-minded when it comes to sexual exploration.
BDSM, role playing, even water sports are okay with me if my lover has a quirk or is simply curious. I have no issues with assplay and the little messes that might come along with it, but I do draw the line at the intentional introduction of feces into sex.
BUT... I was in an awkward situation with my last serious girlfriend. I had always been totally down with choking, binding, and even mild violence in the sack. My lover was into being bound and choked which wasn't uncomfortable for me. She also liked to bite (hard), which I sometimes found distracting, but no biggie. Generally, she seemed to get off on being dominated and ravished. After we'd been dating for a few months she told me that she had been repeatedly sexually 'molested' as a child by her step-brother (who was 8 or 10 years older). She explained that a lot of her 'fetishes' were probably tied to those events. From then on I had a great deal of discomfort participating in anything that resembled a 'rape fantasy'. I felt kind of bad because she didn't seem to be real fucked up sexually or anything (I know she was scarred, but she seemed pretty level-headed sexually) and I didn't want the fact that she had confided something personal in me to affect our sex-life, but I really didn't like the idea of our sex being a way to re-live the trauma.
I never really spent much time thinking about the psychology of a lover's fetishes/kinks before this. I've always been of the mindset "if it turns her on, it turns me on". It kind of made me question my whimsical, 'anything goes' attitude. I've always enjoyed kinky lovers and I love to have a little fun and I've never taken sex so seriously that I couldn't laugh at myself for trying something ridiculous. I guess her 'kink' was a contrast to mine that I didn't expect, so I shrunk back a little.
What do you guys think? Where do you draw the line in bed?... and how concerned are you with the origin of your lovers' 'fetishes'?
BDSM, role playing, even water sports are okay with me if my lover has a quirk or is simply curious. I have no issues with assplay and the little messes that might come along with it, but I do draw the line at the intentional introduction of feces into sex.
BUT... I was in an awkward situation with my last serious girlfriend. I had always been totally down with choking, binding, and even mild violence in the sack. My lover was into being bound and choked which wasn't uncomfortable for me. She also liked to bite (hard), which I sometimes found distracting, but no biggie. Generally, she seemed to get off on being dominated and ravished. After we'd been dating for a few months she told me that she had been repeatedly sexually 'molested' as a child by her step-brother (who was 8 or 10 years older). She explained that a lot of her 'fetishes' were probably tied to those events. From then on I had a great deal of discomfort participating in anything that resembled a 'rape fantasy'. I felt kind of bad because she didn't seem to be real fucked up sexually or anything (I know she was scarred, but she seemed pretty level-headed sexually) and I didn't want the fact that she had confided something personal in me to affect our sex-life, but I really didn't like the idea of our sex being a way to re-live the trauma.
I never really spent much time thinking about the psychology of a lover's fetishes/kinks before this. I've always been of the mindset "if it turns her on, it turns me on". It kind of made me question my whimsical, 'anything goes' attitude. I've always enjoyed kinky lovers and I love to have a little fun and I've never taken sex so seriously that I couldn't laugh at myself for trying something ridiculous. I guess her 'kink' was a contrast to mine that I didn't expect, so I shrunk back a little.
What do you guys think? Where do you draw the line in bed?... and how concerned are you with the origin of your lovers' 'fetishes'?
