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Severe Pain and Suicidal Ideation

BlackOnWhite

BlackOnWhite

Bluelighter
Joined
May 4, 2010
Messages
91
Location
Perth
Hey guys I have posted this already in australia drug discussion but was told I would have better advice in this section. I am a 17 year old male from Australia. I have been diagnosed with chronic epididymitis of my right testicle and have been going through the pain for 4 months now. I also suffer from major depression, panic disorder and borderline personality disorder. I am on escitalopram 20mg for these disorders.

Over the past 2 weeks, I am becoming extremely depressed, stressed, agitated, sleepless and in immense pain, like you have no idea. Imagine having your right testicle grabbed and squeezed, HARD, 24/7. I have been through various treatment options, from multiple antibiotics, neuropathic pain medication and narcotic opoid painkillers and no progress has been made. I started out with panadeine forte as well as nurofen plus, then tramadol and tramadol SR, then morphine, then oxycodone, then hydromorphone. A month ago I was cut off all of my pain killers and been given panadeine forte again and a TCA for neuropathic pain called amitriptyline. I am back in the immense pain again and nobody will give me anything for it and I am starting to lose faith. I have tried to committ suicide twice in the past week and have failed and I can no longer go on like this. I have called many suicide hotlines and they have gotten me through the night but the next day I am ****** again. I start getting angry and feel like I am going to snap and have a nervous breakdown and hurt someone along with it. I feel that if I cannot be back on something that actually stopped the pain such as that oxycodone or hydromorphone, I am going to end my life. I can no longer stand this pain, it's only been 4 months but imagine having it every hour of every day. Not sleeping. Not wanting to eat. Not leaving the house.

I need your advice on what my actions should be tomorrow towards my doctor. I do not want to go into a psychiatric clinic as I have been to every single public and private ward in my city, I have an appointment with urology in a months time and I just need to get through that time till I see the specialist. Please, if anyone has anything to say that could help me persuade my doctor to help me, please please tell me.
 
Is invasive procedures an option in rectifying the problem? As for your psych problems that go along with your pain, have you considered checking into a mental ward to help sort out your problems?
 
I suffer from trigeminal neuralgia which is a neuropathic pain disorder characterized by intense pain in the face that feels like electric shocks or being stabbed in the face. I may have no pain for months or i may have attack after attack everyday all day for weeks. It's the only disease i know of called the suicide disease ain't that fucked up? I also have bipolar disorder and i have anxiety as well. Thankfully the anxiety is under control due to clonazepam.

I have been through hell and back trying to get my pain and bipolar disorder under control. The pain tends to fuel the bipolar disorder as it makes me more unstable and i can be pretty unpleasant to be around when it's untreated. I get pretty angry at myself and i think about suicide alot when im in pain. Also dealing with doctors who don't give a flying fuck about your pain or how much pain you are in is nearly as bad as the pain itself. It's so frustrating i have come close to decking a few of them in the past and have had to hold myself back from knocking one of them through a wall.

I would say to try and find a doctor that will treat your pain. If your currant doctor won't work with you and give you the meds you need then go to another one. You don't have to put up with being in pain but in order to get the right treatment sometimes you need to be abit of a bastard.

Please don't kill yourself man this shit will get better once you get the pain under control. If you really have to check into a psychiatric hospital. It's better then killing yourself.
 
Well I don't have experience with this kind of constant pain, but it sounds to me like you should check yourself into a hospital and have them try to control your pain. Any kind of hospital.
Is there any type of surgery that can be done? Maybe removal of the testical?
 
read "IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE" THREAD

did the painkillers not help? Did you try high enough dose of oxycontin or morphine or fentanyl? Why were you cut off of them. Did you abuse them?

actually, if you are in this much pain then i would think checking into a hospital
If I was in that much pain I would fucking go and scream at the doctors that your in rediculous pain. and i wouldnt stop screaming untill my pain was reduced.
 
there is one and only one thing that you should do right now.

You must tell your doctor about your suicidal thoughts. i am sorry to hear about your troubles with pain and depression, it sounds terrible. i think right now you are feeling so depressed and hopeless that you need help from others. you must seek help from others or there is a good chance that you will kill yourself.

and if you look long enough and see enough specialists, there is a good chance that you will be able to manage your condition and live a normal life. but not if you end your life first.

if you are seriously thinking about killing yourself right now then you should call an ambulance so that you can be protected immediately.
 
I went to the doctor yesterday and told him about my attempts and the severity of the pain and was given nothing once more apart from tramadol SR which does absolutely nothing.

I have tried multiple hospitals as I have already said and I get told to go home with panadeine forte as they cannot give me anything. I am going to have to see a pain management doctor otherwise I am just going to start hitting heroin. This is what happens when you get the shaft.
 
I would just find a doctor who isn't a dumb ass and who will prescribe you Oxys if you really need them. Why stay with someone who isn't helping you?
 
Yeah, I'm lost here. Why is removing the testicle not optional? Is it a financial thing or something? At least 10% of the dudes I know are walking around with one nut, and nobody seems too bothered about it.

Not to knock the OP (God forbid any of us should have to go through this), but I don't feel like I'm getting the whole story. I'm no Rambo, but I'd hack the fucking thing off out in the woodshed if it was taking my life from me.

This is not an official suggestion, btw. My heart goes out bro, and if H is the only thing you can get, use it to build a bridge to a doctor who knows what the fuck he's doing. Don't make it your life's savior.
 
What's happening buddy? I hope you are making some headway to a better quality of life. I'm in pain because I bred it with lies and indulgence. Hearing about folks who don't deserve it breaks my fucking heart into little pieces.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
 
Why don't you explain why you got cut off your pain med's to us? Things will make alot more sense to alot more people if you do, give the whole story not half of it...
 
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