Well tonight I decided to drink a bit because I felt I deserved it, today was a hell of a day, and I have severe sleeping issues so I didn't feel like laying in bed and hallucinating (not pleasant). Just a note though, the hallucinations and sleep issues were pre-drug abuse, it definitely didn't help though. Anyways, just a background story on how the abuse began (I have made a couple threads before but in this one I'll discuss how I feel now, since I'm much more sober than I used to be) :
Since I was young I've struggled with anxiety and social problems. These were the biggest issues in my life honestly, this was in part from improper raising, and also a very poor social life, so I was fairly isolated. My days consisted of going to school, not talking, coming home, jumping on some sort of game console, and playing until I slept. I didn't learn how to properly function in front of people, I never learned the right emotions, I was raised Jehovah's Witness so that was a bitch all in itself, I had delusions of what was right and wrong, I was all fucked up man. I wasn't even raised in bad physical living conditions, it was just the situation, and it really messed with my mental development. I also had the sleeping issues since I was about 7, hallucinations visually, auditory, sleep paralysis, seizure-like feelings as I fall asleep, possible apnea, insomnia, sleep-phobia lmao, anything bad that could happen when trying to sleep or wake up is what I had on various nights.
Jump forward to 12 is when I got black out drunk for the first time, having complete relief on all anxieties and worries was the most amazing feeling I'd ever felt. And then I fell in love with intoxication, the ability to absolutely numb myself to all of my problems. From then on, I pursued the family members who could provide me with alcohol, and if they didn't I'd be very disappointed. I knew I'd be stuck with my normal paranoid state of mind and I hated it, I needed something to cover it up.
At this time I didn't realize I was developing a problem, something that would effect me for the rest of my life most likely. I no longer wanted to talk out my problems, because no one listened. My dad didn't give a fuck, he was providing and tried his best don't get me wrong, but he refused to believe that there was anything wrong with his only son. So I never spoke at all to my family, and it made them all incredibly angry and it caused me to become an absolute recluse. The only family I associated with were my redneck cousins, they provided the whiskey and that's all I cared about. I'd go hunting and shoot whatever the fuck they wanted as long as I could get fucked up (I don't even like redneck activities).
Up until 14 the only thing I had done was ethanol, my friend C introduced me to weed. To be completely honest I didn't love it at first, but after a few tries and finally figuring out how to smoke correctly (out of a bong okay, I never smoked before, having to put my thumb on a carb and releasing was the most confusing thing to me lol) I started to love it. I became more social and used this to my advantage, I start talking to family more and I was ecstatic. A simple plant that could fix my social life?? Fuck, count me in! From then until 16 or so I was in love with THC.... but that's because I usually smoked on my own or with one other friend. Once I smoked with a group, came my first severe panic attacks. Holy shit they were bad, it felt like I went fully blown schizophrenic. I'd hit the bong, it'd get passed and I'd slowly get delirious, I'd start sweating then I'd over analyze myself, think everyone is thinking about me. If someone laughed I thought it was because they were targeting. Suddenly I became very defensive again, stopped smoking, and cut off the few people I had. I smoked on and off for a while but I no longer touch marijuana, it's brings on instant panic for me almost always.
16 is when everything got really bad. I met a friend who was nothing like me at all, and I slowly became the person he portrayed. We became great friends, he was an awful influence unfortunately. We began stealing for no reason, setting shit on fire, harassing people and their entire families via internet (??????), I don't know what the fuck we were thinking but it happened. We were friends from 14 until about now, but 16 is when the drugs came into play again. We were sober except for weed and a bit of alcohol here and there, by no means were we addicted. By no means was I addicted to much at this point, I wish that didn't change. I read online that you could get high on cough medicine, the OTC kind with dextromethorphan in it. I looked up reviews and it sounded amazing, almost like a psychedelic but a drunk-trip.... right up my alley. I was always fascinated by the idea of tripping, I finally got to fulfill that. My brother and I went out to buy a few bottles of cough medicine, came back to my house that night (also half-brother, different dads), downed a big one each and waited for it to kick in. He fucking puked every where, a hour passed and so did I. It was a fun but terrifying experience, we didn't really trip, I was mostly scared the whole time we were going to overdose, I never did anything more than drinking and smoking.
From this point on began my cough medicine abuse, we would rob dollar stores of every last bottle they had (about 30+ boxes per week), until they stopped stocking them that is. Every other day was a trip, some good, some bad..... and most I can't remember. I hated how much I puked from DXM but then I realized how much weight I was losing from the puking, then I became bulimic and forced myself to vomit almost constantly. I do though remember that the main reasons I began abusing cough medicine is because the one girl I had ever fallen in love with, cheated on me, and cut me out of her life. I was completely distraught. I had no one at all, literally nothing I cared about. I needed to numb myself again, I never learned to cope as a child, and I still didn't know how to cope. DXM gave me a very similar feeling alcohol did though which is why I loved it more than I did weed, it allowed me to be completely fucking annihilated intoxicated, not a single care in the universe, nothing mattered, no anxiety (usually), no thoughts (besides images lol), I was stumbling over words and barely coherent but it was okay because I had an excuse. Suddenly I had realized I could use intoxication as an excuse as to why I am the way that I am. If people asked why I'm so odd, I'd just tell them, "Oh I'm just kinda fucked up at the moment", they'd get the idea.
This may sound incredibly stupid, that I would straight up tell people I was abusing a drug as an EXCUSE as to why I'm weird, or socially awkward; this was THE ONLY THING I KNEW HOW TO DO. I didn't know how to cope, I was too afraid to approach anyone, I was suicidal, scared of killing myself, I was lost and depressed. Even though I was awkward as all hell, I slowly started to get a reputation that I sort of liked for some reason. It was more than just that "fat weird kid", suddenly I attracted people to me because it almost seemed cool that I was becoming experimental. I loved it, even attention that is seemingly for bad reasons, I still ate it up.
Now I started to get memory issues, I was drinking DXM every day, for a long period, god knows how long. In this period I don't remember specific details well, just various jumbled memories, thoughts, events, people, ideas, but not in any order really. I some how met a few people and found my way into benzos, amphetamines, cocaine, opiates, psychedelics, and a few things in between. I became a risk taker, I wanted to take as much as I could to the point where I was socially comfortable, but also highly intoxicated but euphoric. This was my daily quest, to get wasted so I didn't have to feel bad anymore (sober). I mixed DXM with every drug I could find, and I mixed every drug I could find with others. I wanted to get the highest high out of everything no matter the risk.
Surprisingly I never ended up in the hospital, but I did overdose multiple times and fought myself through it somehow. The first OD was at work, throughout the day (with no tolerance), I took 2 54 Concerta's, and about 80mg of oxycodone (insufflated and eaten), I also think some tramadol too. Body parts went numb, vision got very hazy as if I was going to have a seizure, hearing was going in and out. I panicked and ran to the bathroom, forced myself to puke, kept drinking water, continued to puke. Ran back to the kitchen, told my boss I was very sick and had to go, I ran out the back door and puked all the way to the parking garage. The was the most terrified I had been in my life, I jumped in my car and rushed home. I nodded the entire way, made it home and had the highest fever of my life. I passed out and woke up in bed drenched in sweat. I couldn't move my neck or else it felt like I was getting stabbed. I was bed-ridden for about a day.
This was during senior year, I met my ex during this period, it was a very low point for me. Kind of for her too. As for myself, I'd go to school pretty much blacked out the entire year. I'd be nodding on oxy's daily, barred out on xanax or klonopin, drunk, stoned, or tripping on something. It was all very interesting experiences, nothing to be proud of though. If I could do anything to change my past, I'd change every last bit of it.
I no longer had the reputation of being experimental, I was now just a junkie. I would get barred out and tell everyone what I did, I thought they were laughing with me, but in hindsight they were laughing right in my fucking face. Which is understandable, I was an idiot, I made a complete ass of myself, my girlfriend left me because of it. I was sending dick pics to people while blacked out. Like really embarrassing pictures of my soft cock with rubber bands around it embarrassing. My teachers called me a junkie in front of everyone, most laughed, I was nodding so I just smiled and put my head back down. I hate myself for all of this, my girlfriend at the time left me because of it, and my current girl brings up what people say about me and my past, and there's not much I can say besides I'm changing and I regret everything.
Somehow I graduated though, really not sure how... I think my teachers just really wanted me gone. After high school I went to college and my drug started to slow quite a bit. Between HS and college I started to realize my issues, I cut back massively on DXM and stopped completely, cut back on amphetamines, had a slight benzo problem but I'm clean now, the only issue I have now is opiates really. It's not much of an issue but it's definitely noticeable.
As of a month ago, I've completely lost interest in wanting to be constantly under the influence of something, I'm an adult now and just want stability truly. Opiates gave me relief from the pain I deal with: emotionally, and physically. I've always had back pain and migraines, so opiates helped much with that, and also whatever neurological issues the cough medicine abuse gave me. Opiates also helped to give me confidence I never had, I used them as a tool to become a better man, I learned how it was possible to speak my mind and to stand up for myself. I loved every bit of it, and honestly as of recently I've only been taking therapeutic doses, just enough to feel okay. I'm looking to cut them out besides for work, I really do need them to get through work... just not as much though so I'm not so dependent. I also use adderall in the morning to wake up (about 4 mg) and Ill take another 5mg at work to get through.
So as for medications what I'm currently taking is:
Adderall IR -- 5mg in the morning -- 5 mg at work AND/OR school --
Some kind of opiate-- quarter in the morning -- quarter at school -- quarter at work -- quarter before bed --
Ambien -- 5mg at night --
^Those are the only narcotics I'm taking. I'm honestly proud of how far I've gotten, I went from shooting up, stealing from my parents, stealing from stores, snorting randoms pills, and overdosing quite often, to only taking a couple things a day. It's hard but I'm fairly content for the most part. I am though suffering from rebound anxiety, panic attacks, moderate memory problems, mood swings, and paranoia. I believe this is old symptoms resurfacing from actual neurological issues I had which is why I started abusing in the first place, and also slight psychosis from the extended drug use and not being sober a single day in multiple years. So I did some research and found a few things about psychosis and schizophrenia, the most appealing though I found at a local organic store. The supplement I found was Lithium Aspartate, I quickly looked up reviews and the feedback was outstanding, so i bought it.
I can say, today is the first day I felt leveled out and normal in my life. I was stressed about my job, I was stressed about my ex calling me, I was stressed over my past, but I felt normal, I felt like a normal human. I wasn't over-thinking and being paranoid about people, I wasn't afraid of what people were saying, I instinctively responded with the proper emotions and proper word structure to people when I spoke, it felt amazing in it's own way. I then, just today realized what it was like to be normal without being high. Unfortunately the effect of the lithium I took only lasted about 6 hours for me before it wore off, but I still had an after effect, I was also a little sleep deprived, still though I realized this had true potential for me so I'm going to take it twice daily and see how I feel. I'm tapering on the opiates, I want to take the least amount of drugs I possibly can, I just want to be back in surface reality again. I don't want the black-out world of benzos, the aggressive world of opiates, the terrifying geometrical chaos of DMT, the mind fuck of DXM, or the anxiety-speed world of coke and meth. I just want to exist in this world as I should, the way my senses naturally perceive it, and I want to be healthy while existing in it.
I want the child like memory, health, and creativity I once had. There are videos on the internet of me and a couple friends I had back a long time ago before drug use, and it's sad to see how much I deteriorated mentally. I know I was an anxious child, I was fairly unhappy, but I was still intact and my mind was physically undamaged. I'm in constant pain anymore, I've weakened my entire body to the point where I can't function without a substance. Luckily I didn't go too far, but it was far enough to do a bit of damage.
I think I have a stomach ulcer from the bulimia and drugs, I'm scared I'm at risk for lung cancer after the amount of cigarettes and weed I smoked, my whole fucking body is weak and hurts from a life time of abuse and literally no care for it at all, I have very bad memory issues: I can't remember dates, names, specifics, various things without being constantly reminded until it sticks. I think this is permanent though, DXM did this to me coupled with THC. I have trouble speaking, I stumbled over words and it gives me anxiety, but subconsciously it makes me happy to feel like me again.
I've come a long way, and I've talked about quitting for a long time, but I finally know I'm serious this time, it's finally happening. I'm doing it for me, and for the girl I love. I love her even more because she's been supporting me through my recovery and she's truly wonderful. Slowly but surely thing's will get better, there's hope for everyone. I'm sorry for how huge this all was, I just wanted people to be able to relate and I also wanted this up so people can understand how some people end up in this situation and ones similar to it. Not all drug-addicts are gang bangers and idiots, some just want relief from something they don't know how to control, sometimes that relief goes to far and spirals out of control.
If anyone has questions about the story or about the medications feel free to reply or message me
.
-PS, sorry for the grammar problems, I was drunk at the start of all of this, now I'm fairly sober and tired, really don't feel like correcting shit.
Since I was young I've struggled with anxiety and social problems. These were the biggest issues in my life honestly, this was in part from improper raising, and also a very poor social life, so I was fairly isolated. My days consisted of going to school, not talking, coming home, jumping on some sort of game console, and playing until I slept. I didn't learn how to properly function in front of people, I never learned the right emotions, I was raised Jehovah's Witness so that was a bitch all in itself, I had delusions of what was right and wrong, I was all fucked up man. I wasn't even raised in bad physical living conditions, it was just the situation, and it really messed with my mental development. I also had the sleeping issues since I was about 7, hallucinations visually, auditory, sleep paralysis, seizure-like feelings as I fall asleep, possible apnea, insomnia, sleep-phobia lmao, anything bad that could happen when trying to sleep or wake up is what I had on various nights.
Jump forward to 12 is when I got black out drunk for the first time, having complete relief on all anxieties and worries was the most amazing feeling I'd ever felt. And then I fell in love with intoxication, the ability to absolutely numb myself to all of my problems. From then on, I pursued the family members who could provide me with alcohol, and if they didn't I'd be very disappointed. I knew I'd be stuck with my normal paranoid state of mind and I hated it, I needed something to cover it up.
At this time I didn't realize I was developing a problem, something that would effect me for the rest of my life most likely. I no longer wanted to talk out my problems, because no one listened. My dad didn't give a fuck, he was providing and tried his best don't get me wrong, but he refused to believe that there was anything wrong with his only son. So I never spoke at all to my family, and it made them all incredibly angry and it caused me to become an absolute recluse. The only family I associated with were my redneck cousins, they provided the whiskey and that's all I cared about. I'd go hunting and shoot whatever the fuck they wanted as long as I could get fucked up (I don't even like redneck activities).
Up until 14 the only thing I had done was ethanol, my friend C introduced me to weed. To be completely honest I didn't love it at first, but after a few tries and finally figuring out how to smoke correctly (out of a bong okay, I never smoked before, having to put my thumb on a carb and releasing was the most confusing thing to me lol) I started to love it. I became more social and used this to my advantage, I start talking to family more and I was ecstatic. A simple plant that could fix my social life?? Fuck, count me in! From then until 16 or so I was in love with THC.... but that's because I usually smoked on my own or with one other friend. Once I smoked with a group, came my first severe panic attacks. Holy shit they were bad, it felt like I went fully blown schizophrenic. I'd hit the bong, it'd get passed and I'd slowly get delirious, I'd start sweating then I'd over analyze myself, think everyone is thinking about me. If someone laughed I thought it was because they were targeting. Suddenly I became very defensive again, stopped smoking, and cut off the few people I had. I smoked on and off for a while but I no longer touch marijuana, it's brings on instant panic for me almost always.
16 is when everything got really bad. I met a friend who was nothing like me at all, and I slowly became the person he portrayed. We became great friends, he was an awful influence unfortunately. We began stealing for no reason, setting shit on fire, harassing people and their entire families via internet (??????), I don't know what the fuck we were thinking but it happened. We were friends from 14 until about now, but 16 is when the drugs came into play again. We were sober except for weed and a bit of alcohol here and there, by no means were we addicted. By no means was I addicted to much at this point, I wish that didn't change. I read online that you could get high on cough medicine, the OTC kind with dextromethorphan in it. I looked up reviews and it sounded amazing, almost like a psychedelic but a drunk-trip.... right up my alley. I was always fascinated by the idea of tripping, I finally got to fulfill that. My brother and I went out to buy a few bottles of cough medicine, came back to my house that night (also half-brother, different dads), downed a big one each and waited for it to kick in. He fucking puked every where, a hour passed and so did I. It was a fun but terrifying experience, we didn't really trip, I was mostly scared the whole time we were going to overdose, I never did anything more than drinking and smoking.
From this point on began my cough medicine abuse, we would rob dollar stores of every last bottle they had (about 30+ boxes per week), until they stopped stocking them that is. Every other day was a trip, some good, some bad..... and most I can't remember. I hated how much I puked from DXM but then I realized how much weight I was losing from the puking, then I became bulimic and forced myself to vomit almost constantly. I do though remember that the main reasons I began abusing cough medicine is because the one girl I had ever fallen in love with, cheated on me, and cut me out of her life. I was completely distraught. I had no one at all, literally nothing I cared about. I needed to numb myself again, I never learned to cope as a child, and I still didn't know how to cope. DXM gave me a very similar feeling alcohol did though which is why I loved it more than I did weed, it allowed me to be completely fucking annihilated intoxicated, not a single care in the universe, nothing mattered, no anxiety (usually), no thoughts (besides images lol), I was stumbling over words and barely coherent but it was okay because I had an excuse. Suddenly I had realized I could use intoxication as an excuse as to why I am the way that I am. If people asked why I'm so odd, I'd just tell them, "Oh I'm just kinda fucked up at the moment", they'd get the idea.
This may sound incredibly stupid, that I would straight up tell people I was abusing a drug as an EXCUSE as to why I'm weird, or socially awkward; this was THE ONLY THING I KNEW HOW TO DO. I didn't know how to cope, I was too afraid to approach anyone, I was suicidal, scared of killing myself, I was lost and depressed. Even though I was awkward as all hell, I slowly started to get a reputation that I sort of liked for some reason. It was more than just that "fat weird kid", suddenly I attracted people to me because it almost seemed cool that I was becoming experimental. I loved it, even attention that is seemingly for bad reasons, I still ate it up.
Now I started to get memory issues, I was drinking DXM every day, for a long period, god knows how long. In this period I don't remember specific details well, just various jumbled memories, thoughts, events, people, ideas, but not in any order really. I some how met a few people and found my way into benzos, amphetamines, cocaine, opiates, psychedelics, and a few things in between. I became a risk taker, I wanted to take as much as I could to the point where I was socially comfortable, but also highly intoxicated but euphoric. This was my daily quest, to get wasted so I didn't have to feel bad anymore (sober). I mixed DXM with every drug I could find, and I mixed every drug I could find with others. I wanted to get the highest high out of everything no matter the risk.
Surprisingly I never ended up in the hospital, but I did overdose multiple times and fought myself through it somehow. The first OD was at work, throughout the day (with no tolerance), I took 2 54 Concerta's, and about 80mg of oxycodone (insufflated and eaten), I also think some tramadol too. Body parts went numb, vision got very hazy as if I was going to have a seizure, hearing was going in and out. I panicked and ran to the bathroom, forced myself to puke, kept drinking water, continued to puke. Ran back to the kitchen, told my boss I was very sick and had to go, I ran out the back door and puked all the way to the parking garage. The was the most terrified I had been in my life, I jumped in my car and rushed home. I nodded the entire way, made it home and had the highest fever of my life. I passed out and woke up in bed drenched in sweat. I couldn't move my neck or else it felt like I was getting stabbed. I was bed-ridden for about a day.
This was during senior year, I met my ex during this period, it was a very low point for me. Kind of for her too. As for myself, I'd go to school pretty much blacked out the entire year. I'd be nodding on oxy's daily, barred out on xanax or klonopin, drunk, stoned, or tripping on something. It was all very interesting experiences, nothing to be proud of though. If I could do anything to change my past, I'd change every last bit of it.
I no longer had the reputation of being experimental, I was now just a junkie. I would get barred out and tell everyone what I did, I thought they were laughing with me, but in hindsight they were laughing right in my fucking face. Which is understandable, I was an idiot, I made a complete ass of myself, my girlfriend left me because of it. I was sending dick pics to people while blacked out. Like really embarrassing pictures of my soft cock with rubber bands around it embarrassing. My teachers called me a junkie in front of everyone, most laughed, I was nodding so I just smiled and put my head back down. I hate myself for all of this, my girlfriend at the time left me because of it, and my current girl brings up what people say about me and my past, and there's not much I can say besides I'm changing and I regret everything.
Somehow I graduated though, really not sure how... I think my teachers just really wanted me gone. After high school I went to college and my drug started to slow quite a bit. Between HS and college I started to realize my issues, I cut back massively on DXM and stopped completely, cut back on amphetamines, had a slight benzo problem but I'm clean now, the only issue I have now is opiates really. It's not much of an issue but it's definitely noticeable.
As of a month ago, I've completely lost interest in wanting to be constantly under the influence of something, I'm an adult now and just want stability truly. Opiates gave me relief from the pain I deal with: emotionally, and physically. I've always had back pain and migraines, so opiates helped much with that, and also whatever neurological issues the cough medicine abuse gave me. Opiates also helped to give me confidence I never had, I used them as a tool to become a better man, I learned how it was possible to speak my mind and to stand up for myself. I loved every bit of it, and honestly as of recently I've only been taking therapeutic doses, just enough to feel okay. I'm looking to cut them out besides for work, I really do need them to get through work... just not as much though so I'm not so dependent. I also use adderall in the morning to wake up (about 4 mg) and Ill take another 5mg at work to get through.
So as for medications what I'm currently taking is:
Adderall IR -- 5mg in the morning -- 5 mg at work AND/OR school --
Some kind of opiate-- quarter in the morning -- quarter at school -- quarter at work -- quarter before bed --
Ambien -- 5mg at night --
^Those are the only narcotics I'm taking. I'm honestly proud of how far I've gotten, I went from shooting up, stealing from my parents, stealing from stores, snorting randoms pills, and overdosing quite often, to only taking a couple things a day. It's hard but I'm fairly content for the most part. I am though suffering from rebound anxiety, panic attacks, moderate memory problems, mood swings, and paranoia. I believe this is old symptoms resurfacing from actual neurological issues I had which is why I started abusing in the first place, and also slight psychosis from the extended drug use and not being sober a single day in multiple years. So I did some research and found a few things about psychosis and schizophrenia, the most appealing though I found at a local organic store. The supplement I found was Lithium Aspartate, I quickly looked up reviews and the feedback was outstanding, so i bought it.
I can say, today is the first day I felt leveled out and normal in my life. I was stressed about my job, I was stressed about my ex calling me, I was stressed over my past, but I felt normal, I felt like a normal human. I wasn't over-thinking and being paranoid about people, I wasn't afraid of what people were saying, I instinctively responded with the proper emotions and proper word structure to people when I spoke, it felt amazing in it's own way. I then, just today realized what it was like to be normal without being high. Unfortunately the effect of the lithium I took only lasted about 6 hours for me before it wore off, but I still had an after effect, I was also a little sleep deprived, still though I realized this had true potential for me so I'm going to take it twice daily and see how I feel. I'm tapering on the opiates, I want to take the least amount of drugs I possibly can, I just want to be back in surface reality again. I don't want the black-out world of benzos, the aggressive world of opiates, the terrifying geometrical chaos of DMT, the mind fuck of DXM, or the anxiety-speed world of coke and meth. I just want to exist in this world as I should, the way my senses naturally perceive it, and I want to be healthy while existing in it.
I want the child like memory, health, and creativity I once had. There are videos on the internet of me and a couple friends I had back a long time ago before drug use, and it's sad to see how much I deteriorated mentally. I know I was an anxious child, I was fairly unhappy, but I was still intact and my mind was physically undamaged. I'm in constant pain anymore, I've weakened my entire body to the point where I can't function without a substance. Luckily I didn't go too far, but it was far enough to do a bit of damage.
I think I have a stomach ulcer from the bulimia and drugs, I'm scared I'm at risk for lung cancer after the amount of cigarettes and weed I smoked, my whole fucking body is weak and hurts from a life time of abuse and literally no care for it at all, I have very bad memory issues: I can't remember dates, names, specifics, various things without being constantly reminded until it sticks. I think this is permanent though, DXM did this to me coupled with THC. I have trouble speaking, I stumbled over words and it gives me anxiety, but subconsciously it makes me happy to feel like me again.
I've come a long way, and I've talked about quitting for a long time, but I finally know I'm serious this time, it's finally happening. I'm doing it for me, and for the girl I love. I love her even more because she's been supporting me through my recovery and she's truly wonderful. Slowly but surely thing's will get better, there's hope for everyone. I'm sorry for how huge this all was, I just wanted people to be able to relate and I also wanted this up so people can understand how some people end up in this situation and ones similar to it. Not all drug-addicts are gang bangers and idiots, some just want relief from something they don't know how to control, sometimes that relief goes to far and spirals out of control.
If anyone has questions about the story or about the medications feel free to reply or message me
.-PS, sorry for the grammar problems, I was drunk at the start of all of this, now I'm fairly sober and tired, really don't feel like correcting shit.
You are still young and your brain and body will continue to heal. You have my utmost admiration for everything you have come through and all you are doing now to change.
