Self-acceptance and substance use

[Legerity]

I've come to learn that a lot of what I believed about substance use was incorrect or at least incomplete.

Over the last few months I've come to feel more and more guilt over my actions. I felt that I was getting high too often, neglecting other more important things, worried about losing control, etc. Especially the last month I was going on binges and people were starting to be concerned.

I kept saying that I needed to stop, "sober up", take a break, etc., even though this isn't what I really wanted. But because other people were telling me this, I internalized it and began to feel that I was doing something wrong.

In the past few weeks, I've come to change my perception. Instead of feeling guilty and telling myself there is something wrong with me, I've started to allow myself to accept myself as I am rather than beat myself up for every perceived mistake that I make. I'm far from having achieved this, but I'm starting to move in the right direction.

I just think that there are a lot of people that would benefit from being kinder to themselves. If you are completely abstinent, then great! If you're not, then great too! Let yourself feel some self-compassion and love either way.

The amazing thing is that I've actually decreased tolerance AND side-effects of my substance use while actually increasing frequency simply by being more forgiving and accepting myself. That goes against any scientific study or current theory about substance use that I know of.

My point here is not that we should all be getting high. My point is that the drug use is not necessarily the determining factor in whether or we are at peace or deserving of love and acceptance.

Right now I smoke weed every day and get high every weekend on something else. That may increase or decrease over time. I'm more motivated and inspired than I have been in months. I'm taking online classes, learning new things everyday, appreciating the gifts I've been given. I meditate, do yoga, see friends.

So again, my point is not to encourage drug use. But for those who feel out of control, guilty, ashamed, etc., based on my personal experience I can only suggest that you learn to accept and love yourself as you are. Change becomes effortless when there is a foundation of acceptance. Changed based on a lack of acceptance just creates an ongoing cycle of needing to change and improve yourself.

Just my experience that I felt the need to express. If I've been able to stop binging and start living my life more fully despite frequent drug use, then I can't help but feel that there are others who could benefit from a bit of acceptance too.

Have a lovely weekend all

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Finding the right thing that works for you, so you can eat healthy, exercise regularly, and live a physically active life (and not a sedentary lifestyle) is always going to be best.

Not using drugs is a great goal - but I urge everyone not to neglect themselves. Often drug abuse like every day constant use of heroin, meth, cocaine/crack, etc. - will probably detract from these positive goals in life.

But if just smoking cannabis every day and only allotting the weekends for other drug use, this is a great goal to have accomplished.

 

[crystalserenity]

I agree with this as I have gone through the same line of thinking (mol), while in active addiction. I just got to a point that I realized so much berating myself and feeling like such a scum-bag when I used was taking any small amount of relief I got from the drugs away. It almost became a matter of economics (bad feelings=wasted money). That is how I began to accept the way I was, and when I accepted who I was, and respected myself in spite of, it became much easier to see myself giving up the drugs.

 

[psychohedonist]

^^^Reminds me of a line from Carl Rogers, the founder of client-centred therapy:

"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change"

I think there's a lot in this, and a lot of potential in self acceptance, as long as we realise part of that acceptance is also about accepting change %)

 

[littleSWEETheart]

this is a REALLY good way of thinking...i admire you for trying to come to peace with yourself. im working on it-ive got alot of self-esteem issues ive had for about 10 years now but about a little while ago i came to realize something-i do coke but i can live without it...i just like the energy and the motivation...i think when you cant its a problem. i know people more addicted to alcohol than i am to cocaine. thanks to you im really starting to feel a lot better about myself...

 

[girlygrrl]

Thank you Legerity ... this is the point I'm at in life too. I've never really been addicted to anything other than caffeine but I have had issues with self-acceptance and beating myself up too much for doing certain substances semi-frequently. I do think it's much healthier to be a functional drug user than a depressed drug user. For some people abstinence may make sense. For others attempts at abstinence are just asking too much of oneself and giving yourself permission to just give up on life and "go off the deep end" when you inevitably have a slip-up. If you're going to use, at least give yourself permission to enjoy the ride and not hate yourself the day after because you failed to live up to artificially high expectations of yourself.

For me drugs haven't solved my life problems, but they certainly have improved my emotional outlook by making it easier for me to face said problems and talk about them openly with those who are supportive and accepting

 

[Charleston_Car]

I like the way you look at things. Being happy with yourself can only bring good things, as long as it's sincere, I would think.

 

[maybeimamazing]

hi ya'll!
everytime lately that i open a book or click on a page, it seems to be the exact thing i need to hear. just signed up here yesterday, so i'm new at this, but certainly not new to drugs and the whole crazy thing!
you know that saying that says that "when the student is ready, the teacher wil appear?" that's what i've been experiencing and i'm so glad i foun ya'll. i've been trying so hard toget off of everything, and i do for about a week, then i break down and give in,

like tonight (it's 3:45 am mon. morn. in texas) i snorted 60 mg. of opana at about 7:30, and just feel a slight little lhappy buzz, but not really"high", i just feel better than i did before, or "normal." the thing is, i feel so disappointed in myself and guilty b/c i wasn't strong enough to tame mydemons, and i have no willpower, so i keep yo-yoing back & forth. see, many yrs ago i was real involved w/ AA & NA, and the whole "all or nothing" mindset.

so i loved what yousaid, Legerty i so needed to hear everything yousaid. b/c the guilt & shame of being an addict is sometimes so overwhelming that i just feel nothing but doom & gloom for the rest of my life. another thng i need to remind myself is that i'm a lot better than i was. i was doing an insane amt. of hydro/oxy's & morphine(opana).
i wrecked my car and my life being really messed up & soi'm really trying to clean up my crazylife , and i keep thinking that that will just never happen as long as i do any mind-altering chemicals. but maybe it is possible to just get high once or twce a week, not drive, don't forge anymore scripts, all that crazy behavior. so anyway thank you for everything you said, it really did hit home with me. since i've ben beaing myself up SO badly that i was just despondent & suicidal..
so, everybody out there reading, be cool, love yourself, and don't hurt yourself or anyone else. g'nite now...