Selecting a counsellor/ therapist

[perpetualdawn]

My wife and I are having some problems in our relationship that are destroying me inside, and I really don't know how to talk to her about. It's come to the point I think I might need to talk to a sex/relationship counsellor or therapist. I've had 2 experiences talking to a formal counsellor types in the far past, which seemed completely unproductive because it probably wasn't a good fit. I started looking online at who's out there and it quickly became overwhelming to see all of the different modalities etc that these people work with. I don't even know if we need to go in as a couple or if I need to talk to someone as an individual. I feel like the difference between finding the right therapist and the wrong one could be a very vast difference in terms of usefulness. I also don't have a lot of time to spare for endless rounds of talk therapy, and really hope to get some pointed help.

As a bit of a stoic and (what I like to think of as a) competent person, I really resent going to outside authorities. But at the same time, there is a problem, and I've realized that I just don't know how to proceed, and I guess that's what counsellors are for.

tl;dr: For anyone who's gone down this route, how do you pick a therapist?

 

[Asclepius]

Makes sense, you don't want a

It may be an idea, to ask for a consultation; state your shopping around/just ask - as far as I can discern, any relationship- counsellor that is actually, invested in supporting the best outcomes for you both would demonstrate a practical model, for you both...worth a try, perhaps?

At least you can determine those who have a working plan, from the duds?

 

[w01fg4ng]

The fit is for both of you, so ask your wife is she prefers a male or female therapist and go from there.

 

[perpetualdawn]

Yeah I was thinking about the male/female thing. I was wondering if the ideal therapist for a couple might be a gay male or lesbian female, because they're probably going have a more balanced perspective. Not that you can really ask a potential therapist their sexual orientation in an interview

 

[Jabberwocky]

I’ve dealt with a number of therapists in my life for both individual and couple issues. I can’t say that the apparent sexuality of the therapist ever seemed to correlate to their relevant capability or prefssionalism.

That said, I did make a mistake sending a very straight 18 year old boy to a fairly camp gay therapist. That was cats and dogs.