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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

screams of rehab-ali-madood

C

ControlDenied

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 16, 2007
Messages
3,098
I know i will immediately read "REHAB" "REHAB" after typing this message, but oh well.

i have been using drugs since i was 13. i had a bad acid trip at age 15 which turned me from a happy-go-lucky, outgoing kid to a brooding, introspective, social phobe. it turned my life to shit and i still "blame" that acid that. fast forward 8 years later. ive tried every drug under the sun. im more open socially, and geting my talents on fire, but i lack the discipline for "normal routines". the last few months, a fascination and adoration of opiates has turned into a full fledged IV dilaudid habit which I have nursed carefully for the last 2.5 months. well now its getting out of hand. i spent ALL the money in my bank, all 1500 of my scholarship monoey (hydromorphone is expensive shit nowadays), and then yesterday I skipped class (fucking school up seems to be a prerequisite for drug abuse) to take 200 in cash out of my credit card account, figuring 160 dollars worth of hydro will last me several days. WRONG. I used an entire 52 mg last night, shooting pill after pill, not even getting anyyhing just getting so fucked up that i passed out, and woke up at 4 pm today to my DAD coming home, "WHY THE FUCK ARENT U AT CLASSES??" etc. etc. so melodrama, kiddie-cobain style, begins. i mean...52 mg in one day is a fuckload isn't it...all iv'd... this is getting scary. especially cuz my doc throws valiums at anyone. Against the rulesPLEASE? ME ME ME? I'm a junky 3 months after firsttrying iv dilaudid. it's THAT good. help me? any advice? how can i get my cash back to at least pay off my visa, have some for food, and then for drugs? will i fuck up school entirely unless i go cold turkey or sumsuch? -
p.S. Also, I have discovered there is a strong possibility I have hep C (or even something worse). that another element to my "not giving a fucj and wantng 2do drugs all day despite more consequeces", and my "so scared i could cry and break out nd tell my parents EVERYthing [bad idea no?])

love.-
CD
 
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Tell your parents, it will get a big burden off your chest. At first they are going to go nuts, but after a couple of hours they'll relate to your story with someone they knew in the past (it always happens). By telling them you will have a real support system, be strong and tell them. I don't have drugs issues but i have my fair share of problems, and i know everytime i told my parents their support has helped pull be through. Aside from this, all i can give you is the golden rule: control and responsiblity. Other than this drugs issue have u been diagnosed with any mental illness? And who is Ali Madood is that you?
 
lol no thats not the price
this isn't for dicksizing connex and prices bro so u can kindly step aside

and ill tell my parents and do whatever it TAKES i will not even get HALFWAY to being on the street. speak for yourself ; sirius-ly now "bro". yeesh.

i will just cut back and take it easy, try to back my loans, they're alrady suspecting more and more, eventually i might have to tell them to quit, unless i can quit (or cut back MAJORly), whichever comes 1st. my will power or another emotional breakdown, this time with everyone watching :(

funny. junkies who are on/almost-on the streets always tell me "you're gonne be just like me". but the [rare=non-begger-filth-] the cool dealers/junkies always say, watch out, take it easy w/ that stuff, if u cant take a break soon then come clean w/ your parents and theyll help u even go to rehab.



but doing 6 8mg pills in a night kind of scares me. that's a lot. how does time fly...............time and money...time IS money
one 8 used to be a lot to me. now 20 seems like nothing. lol

not my fault.
 
its cuz u can never recapture the initial rush
so u waste 5 pills trying to get it. but all i get is nodding out into puddle mode :p
 
ControlDenied said:
its cuz u can never recapture the initial rush
so u waste 5 pills trying to get it. but all i get is nodding out into puddle mode :p
Click to expand...

Ali tell your parents, there supervision will give u further motivation to stop. If u want to quit u can quit, if you don't want to you wont. Stop chasing rushes, chase the rush of being sober.
 
a year later, and id like to update this sad fucking thread
i almost ended up on the streets as predicted
still havent fixed anything about my life. like being a virgin at 24 years of age <blush> lol but seriously...could be a fuckload worse...still havent sold my ass for instance :p

gotta have a sense of humour but its digusting and the reality of it sometimes crashes down and makes me suicidal

of course. a month after this orgiinal post, i cut back to maximum once a week until going to toronto this summer, thinking it would help me get clean, but fell in the wrong person from day one and went back to binging. but i never did get as bad as i was with dilly. that stuff is the fucking Crack of opiates.

i am living with parents geting clean. and i am really resolved this time. my resolve wasnt there earlier. i had to hit "my rock bottom" iguess... and i am absolutely resolved never to go back. even for a second. not even in my fucking imagination - 1 moth clean for now. (ill post every month i am clean and cleaner :))

reality hurts
but it is the only world we have
 
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