Sappy Whiney Cathartic post...be fore warned...

[Spencer]

ok, this is going to be a very mona-like post (heh, now she has a whole tpe of posting named after her ) just to vent some shit on my mind, so if you dont like that type of shit, quit reading now....
You know how i feel about you, but u still drag me along. you tell me you love me but you dont want to choose. i think about you constantly because there is nothing else for me to do. you say im distant. of course im distant. i dont know how to be around you and not be with you. i feel like i have to keep my feelings a secret. you ask me how im feeling, but you dont want me to put you a tough position. you want to have your cake and eat it to. u chastise me because i am confused. because i know what i need to do but cant do it, because i want something i can never truely have. if i cant have you, then i dont want any one else to have you. you want me to be your friend, but how can you expect me to do that when i cant stand seeing you with anyone else. you ask for your space, and then when i give it, you ask me why im not paying any attention to you. i dont understand. you dont want to make any tought calls. but niether do i. why do i have to be the mature one. why do i have to be the one to be the asshole. you are the one with the history. you are the one with the life experiences. i am just a fucking child compared to what you have been thru. you think that you are the only thing thats going on in my life. you think i dont have other problems. fuck you for that. you are controlling the life i am so close to finally pulling back together. you throw me in such a fucking loop. you intoxicate me. when i am near you i have to be with you, and we both know that i cant. damn it, did you do this to me. why did you put me in this fucking position. what the fuck is wrong with you. do you think this is fun. you think its hard for you, put yourself in my fucking position. god damn it, i love you, but if i cant have you, then fucking tell me straight up. quit playing with me. quit telling me it'll be ok, just see what happens. thats not the way this can happen...damn it, why have you turned my life around. why the fuck did i fall in love with you.and what am i going to do when i cant have you?
Ever the drama queen...
-Spencer

 

[viol8r]

yo spence.buddy, good friend...
I think i have an idea for whom ur trying to convey your "whining".
My only advice...do not take things too seriously. Try to avoid the drama thing. Life is too short! Trust me I was like that b4 and it will not bring you anything.
Listen...if you need someone to ramble things about anything..I am here to lend my ear.
------------------
kick out the gloom!
kick out the blues!
tear out the pages with all the bad news
pull down the mirrors and pull down the walls
Tear up the stairs and tear up the floors
Its a perfect day to throw back your head and kiss it all goodbye!
[This message has been edited by viol8r (edited 17 January 2000).]

 

[PaRaDoX]

hmmm, spence, with all of your recent posts, you are sounding ever more like me.
I must say, however that the possition you are in now is VERY difficult. I don't know how to tell you what needs to be told... but here goes... From whomever it is, you need space. You need time apart. As hard as it may be to be without that person, you are finding that it is even harder to be with them, and not WITH them. I was trapped in your possition for well over 6 months. It realy isn't fun. The only solutions to your problem, are nearly as hard as the problem itself.
As many people before me have said, time heals all wounds. Spence, you just have to hang in there. You need to talk about it with your friends.... (one support system I refused to use) it will pass, and you will find that eventualy, you can be "just friends" with that person... as a matter of fact, I have endless pages of writing on the subject... if you wanted, (e-mail me) I could be persuaded to share.
------------------
"Like a shooting star,
Accross the midnight sky!
Wherever you are,
Yer gunna see me FLY!!"
-BANG!
PaRaDoX -and PLUR for all!

 

[Spencer]

if i gave everything
would you stil listen to me
if i gave everything
would you still listen to me
it could be so much better than this
it could be so much better
and i dont
want you
to love me any more
and i dont
want you to love me any
more than enough
i cant be held accountable if you cant make up your mind
tonight
as much as i would like to
i cant put my hands all over you
if i
put myself in that position
myself to leave
you to do
to keep my heart from breaking
if you cant make up your mind
i gave
everything
i gave
and i dont
want you
to love me any more
If i came home the last time
think of what the two of us could do
If i came home the last time
think of what the two of us could do
but i guess we'll never know
-Spencer
It's better than nothing
It's better than you can give