SapphireKing
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2021
- Messages
- 1
So, Howdy Yall! 
I am SapphireBear and am a gay middle-aged guy from and in the southeast of the United States.
I grew up on the campus of a strict religious racist university. The university actually had an entire education program where you could potentially be born, go to school through your PHD, work, and die all on the campus. We were told we were being taught to think for ourselves but were really being taught to regurgitate the black and white doctrine of the founder of the institution. And when I say black and white, I do mean right and wrong (there is no grey area, forget fifty shades of grey!) as well as racial. This was a white institution, no doubt about it. I find myself fortunate that I did not absorb their racial rhetoric and actually questioned it regularly.
When it came to drugs, we received the Mr. Mackey "Drugs are bad MKAY," speech. There were several things that were all lumped into that same category: sex (outside of marriage), divorce, homosexuality, alcohol, movie theatres, R rated movies, cussing, night clubs, long hair on men, wearing stone- or acid-washed jeans, skirts that did not come below the knee, rock-n-roll music (most music other than their brand of Christian music, classical music, and "easy listening Mantovani" was considered rock-n-roll.) You kind of get the picture. Anything that was outside of the direct control of the university was considered bad.
My first introduction to "drugs" was marijuana. I never have considered it a drug, nor have I ever had a problem with anyone doing it. My first experience with it, I drove about an hour from where I lived to meet someone who had some and maybe have sex. The pot did not do anything for me. And neither did the guy. As I was crossing the dam to get back to the main interstate road, I became a bit paranoid that I was going to be swept off the dam into the lake because all of the other cars were speeding and blowing past me. I looked at my speedometer and the 14 MPH I was going seemed to be awfully fast. By the time I got to the other side of the dam, my mouth was so dry, and I had the weirdest craving for a hamburger and ice cream. Needless to say, I did finally make it home. Other drug experiences at that time all related to sex. I never cared for cocaine because it never got me where I wanted/needed to go. But I did get introduced to meth and ketamine. Those I enjoyed. At this time, I was still not "out" and I did not invest in any paraphernalia as I did not do anything enough to have my own.
I moved to Florida and was then really introduced to meth. I experimented with other things as well. Extacy was amazing. MDMA sent me on the weirdest trip. The time I went into the K-hole was something I wanted to repeat over and over. But I always did things safely and would not inject anything. Injecting drugs was the dark side and you were certain to die. I was invited to a small party at the house of a physician at one of the local hospitals. I learned that he and his nurse, who was also his partner, would make their own "clear ice" in the hospital lab using medical grade ingredients and was told that I should consider myself very special for being invited to their party. There were 5 or 6 guys there, and the nurse started "administering." It was at that point I realized they were injecting the drug. I decided to grow up and do it. I was the second person to get their hit. and went to this place of amazing pleasure and sexual desire. Suddenly I was told that someone was not feeling well, and we had to leave. I sat in the parking lot for a long time before I could go anywhere.
Since that time, I have had two relationships. Both of my partners wanted nothing more than sex and to injected meth. and they expected me to fund them. My second relationship started in 2018 and was abusive, degrading, and devastating fort me. I am still trying to get through the trauma I experienced. I eventually lost EVERYTHING due to that person and am rebuilding my life at this point. Yes, pot and ice are still in my life. Yes, I use the ice to cope. But the pot I use medicinally, and cannabinoids I get from local CBD retailers has really been good for my depression and anxiety.
I am here to learn from my experiences and those of others. I have no judgements about most folks related to drug use. I believe we all must use intelligently and not let it get in the way of adulting. But when one is not self-reliant and expects everyone else to provide for them and give to them, that is when I get prickly about someone's use and will use the addiction word.
One last thing: It is my purpose to learn and shar to help others learn and never to violate any rule in any of the forums,. Please let me know if I do or if I get close to doing so.
For now, Adieu until the next entry.
SapphireBear
I am SapphireBear and am a gay middle-aged guy from and in the southeast of the United States.
I grew up on the campus of a strict religious racist university. The university actually had an entire education program where you could potentially be born, go to school through your PHD, work, and die all on the campus. We were told we were being taught to think for ourselves but were really being taught to regurgitate the black and white doctrine of the founder of the institution. And when I say black and white, I do mean right and wrong (there is no grey area, forget fifty shades of grey!) as well as racial. This was a white institution, no doubt about it. I find myself fortunate that I did not absorb their racial rhetoric and actually questioned it regularly.
When it came to drugs, we received the Mr. Mackey "Drugs are bad MKAY," speech. There were several things that were all lumped into that same category: sex (outside of marriage), divorce, homosexuality, alcohol, movie theatres, R rated movies, cussing, night clubs, long hair on men, wearing stone- or acid-washed jeans, skirts that did not come below the knee, rock-n-roll music (most music other than their brand of Christian music, classical music, and "easy listening Mantovani" was considered rock-n-roll.) You kind of get the picture. Anything that was outside of the direct control of the university was considered bad.
My first introduction to "drugs" was marijuana. I never have considered it a drug, nor have I ever had a problem with anyone doing it. My first experience with it, I drove about an hour from where I lived to meet someone who had some and maybe have sex. The pot did not do anything for me. And neither did the guy. As I was crossing the dam to get back to the main interstate road, I became a bit paranoid that I was going to be swept off the dam into the lake because all of the other cars were speeding and blowing past me. I looked at my speedometer and the 14 MPH I was going seemed to be awfully fast. By the time I got to the other side of the dam, my mouth was so dry, and I had the weirdest craving for a hamburger and ice cream. Needless to say, I did finally make it home. Other drug experiences at that time all related to sex. I never cared for cocaine because it never got me where I wanted/needed to go. But I did get introduced to meth and ketamine. Those I enjoyed. At this time, I was still not "out" and I did not invest in any paraphernalia as I did not do anything enough to have my own.
I moved to Florida and was then really introduced to meth. I experimented with other things as well. Extacy was amazing. MDMA sent me on the weirdest trip. The time I went into the K-hole was something I wanted to repeat over and over. But I always did things safely and would not inject anything. Injecting drugs was the dark side and you were certain to die. I was invited to a small party at the house of a physician at one of the local hospitals. I learned that he and his nurse, who was also his partner, would make their own "clear ice" in the hospital lab using medical grade ingredients and was told that I should consider myself very special for being invited to their party. There were 5 or 6 guys there, and the nurse started "administering." It was at that point I realized they were injecting the drug. I decided to grow up and do it. I was the second person to get their hit. and went to this place of amazing pleasure and sexual desire. Suddenly I was told that someone was not feeling well, and we had to leave. I sat in the parking lot for a long time before I could go anywhere.
Since that time, I have had two relationships. Both of my partners wanted nothing more than sex and to injected meth. and they expected me to fund them. My second relationship started in 2018 and was abusive, degrading, and devastating fort me. I am still trying to get through the trauma I experienced. I eventually lost EVERYTHING due to that person and am rebuilding my life at this point. Yes, pot and ice are still in my life. Yes, I use the ice to cope. But the pot I use medicinally, and cannabinoids I get from local CBD retailers has really been good for my depression and anxiety.
I am here to learn from my experiences and those of others. I have no judgements about most folks related to drug use. I believe we all must use intelligently and not let it get in the way of adulting. But when one is not self-reliant and expects everyone else to provide for them and give to them, that is when I get prickly about someone's use and will use the addiction word.
One last thing: It is my purpose to learn and shar to help others learn and never to violate any rule in any of the forums,. Please let me know if I do or if I get close to doing so.
For now, Adieu until the next entry.
SapphireBear
so pleased you joined with us, i know you will enjoy all that can be shared here , love the way you write, im a middle aged gay as well, are you my parasitic twin??
