SmokinTuna
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 21, 2015
- Messages
- 2
(Salvia 20x / Unknown Dose) - Novice - "Welcome back, my child. (Traumatic)"
Ok so bear with me here, this is my first trip report I've ever written. I love reading trip reports (some say I'm obsessed), and I decided the time was finally right to create an account and share my experience with this lovely community. I have mainly Salvia reports so the majority of what I post will be of that nature.
This report is from 7 years ago when I was a sophomore in college, and it was my first experience with any drug other than weed (great choice, right?). There are MANY things in this report that are down right stupid and reckless, ranging from lack of research to reckless dosing. Like I said, this was 7 years ago and I have learned how to be responsible with drugs now, however at the time of the report I was a fool. In fact this experience is the main reason why I'm extremely cautious and HEAVILY research any drug I am interested in taking to this day.
I first heard about Salvia a year before this experience from a friend who lived down the hall from me in my dorm. He described it as a legal psychedelic (it's legal in Oregon and available in almost any smoke shop) that was super fun and a lot like weed (those who know how wrong this are probably rolling their eyes about now). I tried it a few times at parties in a social setting, usually in a circle of people (again, stupid, I know). I never experienced any effects other than slight spinning and loss of balance, mainly due to the fact that we didn't know how to smoke it properly (we used shitty small pipes), didn't hold in the hits long enough, and didn't really know what to look for.
Fast-forward a year later, I was at the local smoke shop in my town buying a new glass bong (my first 'real' piece). Since I was out of weed I decided to pick up a gram pack of 20x Salvia as well since I wanted to test this new masterpiece out, although I had not the slightest clue what 20x stood for (at the time). Remember, at this point I thought it was kind of like weed but made you dizzy/giggly for a few minutes.
I tried it a few times in the proceeding week but didn't experience any effects other than what I described above, again due to me not holding in the hits and bad technique lighting the bowl. I still thought this was 'fun'. Eventually I had most of the pack of salvia emptied, with enough for one large bowl left. I decided tomorrow would be a fun time to try it out and got some rest.
I woke up early the next day and went on a bike ride with my friends S, T, and R. We got back and after relaxing for a bit I decided to finish off the bag of salvia once and for all (what a waste of money this was, I thought). None of my friends except R are interested, so me and him step out into the car port and I sit down on the stairs and get everything ready. Next to the stairs is an old wooden fence lined with baby trees and one BIG tree. Behind it is my neighbor's field which had a bunch of little kids screaming (playfully) and running around.
I pack the bowl (a BIG bowl piece) to the brim with the remaining salvia 20x extract. My friend R is too scared to try it since he's heard from others the nightmarish effects it can have ('yeah right', I thought), so he agreed to sit and watch me. Here goes nothing!
I lean down and torch the bowl as hard as I could. The bong filled up with WAY more smoke than my old pipe ever could, and I torched about half the bowl in a single hit. Since this was the last of it I decided to hold the hit as long as I could in order to maximize the effects (which is why it finally worked). After about 35 seconds I exhaled and noticed I was feeling weird as FUCK. So, like any sane 18 year old who had no idea what they were doing, I torched the rest of the bowl in one gigantic hit and cleared the chamber, then held it as long as I could. After I exhaled for the second time R asked me how I was feeling, or if it was bunk again. I tried to ask him how come he was talking so weird but all that came out was slurs. At this point my vision started 'chopping', like everything around me was being rendered by a flip book. I finally manage to say "Oh shit, I'm gonna need a minute". R could tell something was up so like a good friend he went inside to watch TV while I proceeded to lose my mind.
The last thing I remember of this reality is R walking past me back into the house. At this point everything was just starting. As I said above, everything in my field of vision slowed down and was being chopped up. I moved my hand in front of my face and could see that it wasn't actually moving in front of my face, but that it was actually being drawn across my field of vision like an animation or a flip book. This is hard to describe. The best I can say is imagine it like a flip book. Each frame the hand moves a little bit more across my vision but it wasn't actually 'moving' it was being rendered. As soon as I realized this I realized that I was watching reality being created instant by instant, and it isn't a constant stream of conscious like we perceive. Weird, I know (imagine how I felt). As soon as this realization came upon me I heard this incredibly high pitched squeel and had an impending feeling of doom, like something epicly important was happening. It was at this point that I completely forgot I smoked salvia at all. Everything that happens after this I thought was legitimately happening, and my reality was falling to pieces.
I closed my eyes thinking this was too much to handle. As soon as I closed my eyes I was in another world. The past 2 minutes of my life were laid out in front of me like snapshots, each picture was a single instant of time. The pictures were being flipped to demonstrate the effect I mentioned above (the flip book), and show how reality was being created. The pictures then split apart and I was shown what existed 'behind' existence, what is actually happening behind the curtain of our day to day lives. At this point I had no memory of my life at all.
As soon as the pictures split I was sucked into the space between them, which I was told (from a female voice I could not place), that this was the place between moments. We perceive life as a continuous stream but actually between each instant reality is completely destroyed and re-created (each instant is a page of the flip book, and the previous page is destroyed and replaced with a new one). These 'pages' were being flipped by an enormous wheel, which was the source of the noise I heard earlier. I could feel this wheel pressing up against me threatening to destroy me to replace the current 'me' with the 'me' from the next moment. Naturally I was horrified, and for some reason filled with Deja Vu, I knew I’ve been here before (which was weird, because this was the first time I ‘really’ smoked salvia). I cannot stress how powerful and massive this wheel seemed. It was the source of reality as we knew it, it is responsible for creating the universe around us. And it was touching me.
The voice then told me that this wheel and this space is the only thing that 'really' exists. Reality as we know it is merely a side effect of this wheels action. My consciousness has existed in this space for all of eternity being ground against this wheel, spinning with it and helping it create reality. I somehow 'escaped' it years ago (which was when I was 'born'), but now it somehow got me back where I belonged. I felt utterly hopeless. My entire life had been a temporary escape into a dream in order to cope with being merely a cog in the wheel (literally and metaphorically), and now that that illusion was broken I was trapped here again and the entire life I lived was merely a dream. All of my friends, family, any experience I remembered never really happened, and was just a cheap trick I used to distract myself, this was the real existence.
This voice told me that everyone around me are her children, and our purpose was merely to spin with this wheel and create reality. I was confused and looked around and I realized then that I was SURROUNDED by trillions of other little people like me, all of them trapped and spinning in order to create reality. They all screamed at me 'help us, help us spin. Stay with us. Now that you are here you cannot leave. YOU cannot leave. You CANNOT leave. YOU CANNOT LEAVE. YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE. YOU ARE US AND WE ARE YOU. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY AND IT ALWAYS WILL". These were her children, I was her child as well. I had escaped but now I was back.
Naturally this scared the shit out of me.
I was in Hell. I was always in Hell, I just forgot.
I was trapped here for what felt like an eternity. Time had no meaning in this place, each second felt like countless years. Slowly I began to forget my life on Earth (it was a ‘dream’ as far as I was concerned, and it felt like I was forgetting it in the same way you forget a dream minutes after waking). I was dysphoric and terrified, and resigned myself to spinning for the rest of eternity. After what felt like thousands of years (who knows, in eternity nothing means anything. 1% of infinity is still infinity), I remembered that I had somehow ‘escaped’ into the dream world (normal, earth reality) in the past, and maybe I could do it again. I didn’t think I could get back into my old life but maybe I could escape and as the woman told me, be ‘born’ again. Anything, even starting over in another life, would be better than this hell.
I managed to turn my head to look at the wheel head on, desperately trying to see how I escaped in the past. I managed to turn my head so I was looking at the wheel from the side (the flat side, so it looked like a spinning 2-d circle). The wheel was divided up into slices like a pizza, or the wheel on wheel of fortune (the pieces were broad at the top and got narrower as they went to the center, like a pizza). Each slice was a different color and the edges were incredibly jagged and multi-colored. There were an infinite amount of slices and the wheel was spinning infinitely fast (This made perfect sense in salvia-space. In the face of infinite time whats infinite space?). Each slice whizzed by my face, I was so close I could feel the slices pulling my face and grinding it down to my bones with an effect that felt almost electric. This felt pleasant compared to having my body constantly torn to pieces for all eternity on the other side of the wheel.
As each slice rolled by I stared intently at them. Slowly I began to realize what I was seeing (the slices were moving so fast it took a while). Each slice was a moment in time belonging to someone in the dream world (Earth reality), maybe I could use these to escape!
As soon as I thought this the female voice started speaking to me again. She told me that escape was useless, even if I managed to escape into reality again, I would inevitably end up here (either through death or by being stupid enough to smoke salvia again). I began to desperately claw at the wheel, trying to squeeze myself into one of the slices in hopes of inhabiting one of the bodies I could see in the slices. However the wheel was spinning too fast and when I touched it it felt like electricity coursing through my body. Very painful.
I fought through the pain and clawed at the wheel more and more until (very briefly) the wheel appeared to stutter and slow down! Hope surged through me and I began to claw harder, which caused the electric grinding feeling to increase, but I didn’t care. I pulled and pulled until the wheel slowed down enough for me to look at each slice individually. As I pressed each slice I temporarily ‘became’ the person in the moment the slice belonged to. I became an alcoholic old man sitting on a couch watching TV wishing his children were still around. I became a young girl talking on the phone with her friends. I became a father screaming at his children, looking at his kids cowering in the corner of the kitchen. I became a junkie in an alleyway, waiting for someone to walk buy so I could rob them.
Each slice belonged to a person and as I moved my hand up and down the slice I went through their life. The top of the slice (the broad part near the edge) was the beginning of that person's consciousness, and the tip in the center of the wheel was the end (their death). Moving left to right on the slice represented the different realities that person existed in based on the decisions they made. This is why the slice was broad at the top and thin at the bottom. At the beginning of ones life they have an endless amount of paths to choose, and as they get older (and closer to death), there are less and less paths to take that can steer them away.
I realized that each one of these people have smoked salvia at some point in their life, which is what ‘opened their slice’ to me being able to enter it. In salvia space you have access to the infinite timelines of other people who have smoked salvia.
For a brief second I could see into the slice where I came from, I saw myself sitting on the stoop in my carport, sitting there with head down and eyes closed. Everything was distorted though as I was viewing it through the window. I touched it and briefly became myself again, I opened my eyes and looked around feeling incredible joy to be back here. I instantly felt my hands slip as the wheel sped back up and I was torn back into salvia space away from my body. I desperately clawed at the wheel but it was moving too fast, I would have to wait another eternity for the wheel to revolve again so I could reach my slice. I debated trying to jump into another person's slice to get out of this hell but I didn’t know if it would work, or if it did then would I effectively kill that person and take over their body?
At this point after experiencing so many other realities I was having trouble remembering which one was mine. For those brief times I fully believed myself to be those people in those moments. Who was I to say that the one I remember of me on the porch in my carport was really the reality I came from, or simply the one I touched last and remembered the best? “Fuck it”, I thought. Anything is better than this.
I waited until the wheel came around again and I could see my slice coming up. I clawed at the wheel again (again, experiencing the electric, bone drilling feeling) until it slowed down. I grabbed my slice at the edges and thrust myself head first into it as hard as I could, desperately trying to get back to where I was. As soon as my head made it through the slice, everything exploded. My skin was peeled off of me into countless dimensions and my body was torn and twisted into shreds. I fell into blackness. Surrounding me were pieces of the slice I tried to climb into. Each one was a port-hole (like on a submarine) into reality, but at different times of ‘my’ life. There was no order, the windows were scattered around me. I could see a moment from when I was in middle school, practicing saxophone. I could see another of me sitting on a couch with my sister, arguing about something stupid. I saw several more that I did not recognize, with people I did not know. I assumed these were from my future (or well, from whoever person this was’ future. I didn’t even know if this was me anymore of if this was just the slice I chose).I was afraid to touch these as I didn’t know if it would cause me to experience the moment as the slices had done earlier. It might also toss me in at that time point (further forward or back in time from where I ‘was’). I finally saw something that looked familiar, I was sitting in the car port loading up the bowl and R was talking to me. The perspective was weird though and it seemed like I was looking up at myself from 30 feet away, like I was deep in the concrete floor.
I grabbed the window by the sides and again thrust myself forward as hard as I could. As soon as my feet made it through I was back in my body (well, ‘a’ body. I don’t know if it was mine). I had no memories still so at this point I was an empty shell in an unfamiliar body in an unfamiliar place. Slowly my recollection started to come back to me. I could remember events from my childhood, I remembered my family, I remembered I was a college student. I came out to do something.... what though? I looked around and saw the bong at my feet and suddenly it all came back to me. “I smoked salvia! That’s what caused all of this?!?”. I looked behind me and could still see the tear in space where I pulled myself through. I could hear her children laughing and chanting, I looked at the trees around me and could see her children frantically working and creating everything around me. The trees stretched out and were trying to push me into the hole I came from. I instantly got up and ran to the other side of the carport away from the trees and the rip I created.
I turned around and looked through the door into the house, everything was still distorted and spinning, I could still hear the wheel screaming its high pitched scream from some unknown space. Slowly the world became less choppy. I looked at the tear I came through and saw the millions of the children's tiny hands reach through the other side, laughing hysterically the entire time. As if the fact that I escaped was hilarious to them. Did they know something I didn’t? They pulled the rip closed and it slowly melted back together as they chanted “see you soon, SEE YOU SOON”. As soon as the hole closed I could no longer hear the scream of the wheel. I heard the females voice one last time “Don’t worry, you’ll be back soon enough, my child. Enjoy your time”.
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Aftermath:
To this day this is still one of the most traumatic experiences I have ever gone through. Immediately after I came down I ran into the house and locked my bedroom door. Everything felt incredibly fake. I was shown how everything was made and how empty and pointless it is. I had trouble talking to my roommates for a while because I saw them as philosophical zombies, not real people, just constructs and empty shells pretending to be people. Maybe they even were part of the wheel. After all, I was the only person in this world remember? Everything else was created by the wheel.
The biggest issue I had after this was for a while I was convinced that I wasn’t back in the ‘right’ body. I was certain that this body existed normally until it decided to smoke salvia, and then one of the wheels children (me) hopped in while his consciousness was vacated from the body. I only have the memories I do because they are stored in this body. If I had grabbed onto another slice then I would have been thrown into that body (or shell) instead, and I would have slowly remembered all of ‘their’ memories. I took over while the one inside this body is now trapped in that nightmare realm. I know this sounds insane (and I realize that now), but it felt so incredibly real that I still have my doubts every now and then.
Now, 8 years later I feel comfortable enough to talk about this experience. I have PTSD like nightmares once every few months where I’m back in that place, and I always wake up in a sweat and run across the room to get away before I realize where I am and that it was a dream. I bought more Salvia off of the internet (plain leaf and 5x, nothing stronger) in order to conquer my fear of this substance (Ha-Fucking-Ha). I now smoke plain leaf rarely and 5x even rarer, and achieve an altered mind state but nothing of the magnitude I experienced this time on 20x. I am working myself up so I can try and go back there and see what really happened, but I know it will be a LONG time before I am comfortable enough to go that far. What if I can’t make it back into this body? I’ve grown comfortable here in the past few years.
Thanks for reading, if anybody has any similar experiences or questions I’d love to hear them
Ok so bear with me here, this is my first trip report I've ever written. I love reading trip reports (some say I'm obsessed), and I decided the time was finally right to create an account and share my experience with this lovely community. I have mainly Salvia reports so the majority of what I post will be of that nature.
This report is from 7 years ago when I was a sophomore in college, and it was my first experience with any drug other than weed (great choice, right?). There are MANY things in this report that are down right stupid and reckless, ranging from lack of research to reckless dosing. Like I said, this was 7 years ago and I have learned how to be responsible with drugs now, however at the time of the report I was a fool. In fact this experience is the main reason why I'm extremely cautious and HEAVILY research any drug I am interested in taking to this day.
I first heard about Salvia a year before this experience from a friend who lived down the hall from me in my dorm. He described it as a legal psychedelic (it's legal in Oregon and available in almost any smoke shop) that was super fun and a lot like weed (those who know how wrong this are probably rolling their eyes about now). I tried it a few times at parties in a social setting, usually in a circle of people (again, stupid, I know). I never experienced any effects other than slight spinning and loss of balance, mainly due to the fact that we didn't know how to smoke it properly (we used shitty small pipes), didn't hold in the hits long enough, and didn't really know what to look for.
Fast-forward a year later, I was at the local smoke shop in my town buying a new glass bong (my first 'real' piece). Since I was out of weed I decided to pick up a gram pack of 20x Salvia as well since I wanted to test this new masterpiece out, although I had not the slightest clue what 20x stood for (at the time). Remember, at this point I thought it was kind of like weed but made you dizzy/giggly for a few minutes.
I tried it a few times in the proceeding week but didn't experience any effects other than what I described above, again due to me not holding in the hits and bad technique lighting the bowl. I still thought this was 'fun'. Eventually I had most of the pack of salvia emptied, with enough for one large bowl left. I decided tomorrow would be a fun time to try it out and got some rest.
I woke up early the next day and went on a bike ride with my friends S, T, and R. We got back and after relaxing for a bit I decided to finish off the bag of salvia once and for all (what a waste of money this was, I thought). None of my friends except R are interested, so me and him step out into the car port and I sit down on the stairs and get everything ready. Next to the stairs is an old wooden fence lined with baby trees and one BIG tree. Behind it is my neighbor's field which had a bunch of little kids screaming (playfully) and running around.
I pack the bowl (a BIG bowl piece) to the brim with the remaining salvia 20x extract. My friend R is too scared to try it since he's heard from others the nightmarish effects it can have ('yeah right', I thought), so he agreed to sit and watch me. Here goes nothing!
I lean down and torch the bowl as hard as I could. The bong filled up with WAY more smoke than my old pipe ever could, and I torched about half the bowl in a single hit. Since this was the last of it I decided to hold the hit as long as I could in order to maximize the effects (which is why it finally worked). After about 35 seconds I exhaled and noticed I was feeling weird as FUCK. So, like any sane 18 year old who had no idea what they were doing, I torched the rest of the bowl in one gigantic hit and cleared the chamber, then held it as long as I could. After I exhaled for the second time R asked me how I was feeling, or if it was bunk again. I tried to ask him how come he was talking so weird but all that came out was slurs. At this point my vision started 'chopping', like everything around me was being rendered by a flip book. I finally manage to say "Oh shit, I'm gonna need a minute". R could tell something was up so like a good friend he went inside to watch TV while I proceeded to lose my mind.
The last thing I remember of this reality is R walking past me back into the house. At this point everything was just starting. As I said above, everything in my field of vision slowed down and was being chopped up. I moved my hand in front of my face and could see that it wasn't actually moving in front of my face, but that it was actually being drawn across my field of vision like an animation or a flip book. This is hard to describe. The best I can say is imagine it like a flip book. Each frame the hand moves a little bit more across my vision but it wasn't actually 'moving' it was being rendered. As soon as I realized this I realized that I was watching reality being created instant by instant, and it isn't a constant stream of conscious like we perceive. Weird, I know (imagine how I felt). As soon as this realization came upon me I heard this incredibly high pitched squeel and had an impending feeling of doom, like something epicly important was happening. It was at this point that I completely forgot I smoked salvia at all. Everything that happens after this I thought was legitimately happening, and my reality was falling to pieces.
I closed my eyes thinking this was too much to handle. As soon as I closed my eyes I was in another world. The past 2 minutes of my life were laid out in front of me like snapshots, each picture was a single instant of time. The pictures were being flipped to demonstrate the effect I mentioned above (the flip book), and show how reality was being created. The pictures then split apart and I was shown what existed 'behind' existence, what is actually happening behind the curtain of our day to day lives. At this point I had no memory of my life at all.
As soon as the pictures split I was sucked into the space between them, which I was told (from a female voice I could not place), that this was the place between moments. We perceive life as a continuous stream but actually between each instant reality is completely destroyed and re-created (each instant is a page of the flip book, and the previous page is destroyed and replaced with a new one). These 'pages' were being flipped by an enormous wheel, which was the source of the noise I heard earlier. I could feel this wheel pressing up against me threatening to destroy me to replace the current 'me' with the 'me' from the next moment. Naturally I was horrified, and for some reason filled with Deja Vu, I knew I’ve been here before (which was weird, because this was the first time I ‘really’ smoked salvia). I cannot stress how powerful and massive this wheel seemed. It was the source of reality as we knew it, it is responsible for creating the universe around us. And it was touching me.
The voice then told me that this wheel and this space is the only thing that 'really' exists. Reality as we know it is merely a side effect of this wheels action. My consciousness has existed in this space for all of eternity being ground against this wheel, spinning with it and helping it create reality. I somehow 'escaped' it years ago (which was when I was 'born'), but now it somehow got me back where I belonged. I felt utterly hopeless. My entire life had been a temporary escape into a dream in order to cope with being merely a cog in the wheel (literally and metaphorically), and now that that illusion was broken I was trapped here again and the entire life I lived was merely a dream. All of my friends, family, any experience I remembered never really happened, and was just a cheap trick I used to distract myself, this was the real existence.
This voice told me that everyone around me are her children, and our purpose was merely to spin with this wheel and create reality. I was confused and looked around and I realized then that I was SURROUNDED by trillions of other little people like me, all of them trapped and spinning in order to create reality. They all screamed at me 'help us, help us spin. Stay with us. Now that you are here you cannot leave. YOU cannot leave. You CANNOT leave. YOU CANNOT LEAVE. YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE. YOU ARE US AND WE ARE YOU. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY AND IT ALWAYS WILL". These were her children, I was her child as well. I had escaped but now I was back.
Naturally this scared the shit out of me.
I was in Hell. I was always in Hell, I just forgot.
I was trapped here for what felt like an eternity. Time had no meaning in this place, each second felt like countless years. Slowly I began to forget my life on Earth (it was a ‘dream’ as far as I was concerned, and it felt like I was forgetting it in the same way you forget a dream minutes after waking). I was dysphoric and terrified, and resigned myself to spinning for the rest of eternity. After what felt like thousands of years (who knows, in eternity nothing means anything. 1% of infinity is still infinity), I remembered that I had somehow ‘escaped’ into the dream world (normal, earth reality) in the past, and maybe I could do it again. I didn’t think I could get back into my old life but maybe I could escape and as the woman told me, be ‘born’ again. Anything, even starting over in another life, would be better than this hell.
I managed to turn my head to look at the wheel head on, desperately trying to see how I escaped in the past. I managed to turn my head so I was looking at the wheel from the side (the flat side, so it looked like a spinning 2-d circle). The wheel was divided up into slices like a pizza, or the wheel on wheel of fortune (the pieces were broad at the top and got narrower as they went to the center, like a pizza). Each slice was a different color and the edges were incredibly jagged and multi-colored. There were an infinite amount of slices and the wheel was spinning infinitely fast (This made perfect sense in salvia-space. In the face of infinite time whats infinite space?). Each slice whizzed by my face, I was so close I could feel the slices pulling my face and grinding it down to my bones with an effect that felt almost electric. This felt pleasant compared to having my body constantly torn to pieces for all eternity on the other side of the wheel.
As each slice rolled by I stared intently at them. Slowly I began to realize what I was seeing (the slices were moving so fast it took a while). Each slice was a moment in time belonging to someone in the dream world (Earth reality), maybe I could use these to escape!
As soon as I thought this the female voice started speaking to me again. She told me that escape was useless, even if I managed to escape into reality again, I would inevitably end up here (either through death or by being stupid enough to smoke salvia again). I began to desperately claw at the wheel, trying to squeeze myself into one of the slices in hopes of inhabiting one of the bodies I could see in the slices. However the wheel was spinning too fast and when I touched it it felt like electricity coursing through my body. Very painful.
I fought through the pain and clawed at the wheel more and more until (very briefly) the wheel appeared to stutter and slow down! Hope surged through me and I began to claw harder, which caused the electric grinding feeling to increase, but I didn’t care. I pulled and pulled until the wheel slowed down enough for me to look at each slice individually. As I pressed each slice I temporarily ‘became’ the person in the moment the slice belonged to. I became an alcoholic old man sitting on a couch watching TV wishing his children were still around. I became a young girl talking on the phone with her friends. I became a father screaming at his children, looking at his kids cowering in the corner of the kitchen. I became a junkie in an alleyway, waiting for someone to walk buy so I could rob them.
Each slice belonged to a person and as I moved my hand up and down the slice I went through their life. The top of the slice (the broad part near the edge) was the beginning of that person's consciousness, and the tip in the center of the wheel was the end (their death). Moving left to right on the slice represented the different realities that person existed in based on the decisions they made. This is why the slice was broad at the top and thin at the bottom. At the beginning of ones life they have an endless amount of paths to choose, and as they get older (and closer to death), there are less and less paths to take that can steer them away.
I realized that each one of these people have smoked salvia at some point in their life, which is what ‘opened their slice’ to me being able to enter it. In salvia space you have access to the infinite timelines of other people who have smoked salvia.
For a brief second I could see into the slice where I came from, I saw myself sitting on the stoop in my carport, sitting there with head down and eyes closed. Everything was distorted though as I was viewing it through the window. I touched it and briefly became myself again, I opened my eyes and looked around feeling incredible joy to be back here. I instantly felt my hands slip as the wheel sped back up and I was torn back into salvia space away from my body. I desperately clawed at the wheel but it was moving too fast, I would have to wait another eternity for the wheel to revolve again so I could reach my slice. I debated trying to jump into another person's slice to get out of this hell but I didn’t know if it would work, or if it did then would I effectively kill that person and take over their body?
At this point after experiencing so many other realities I was having trouble remembering which one was mine. For those brief times I fully believed myself to be those people in those moments. Who was I to say that the one I remember of me on the porch in my carport was really the reality I came from, or simply the one I touched last and remembered the best? “Fuck it”, I thought. Anything is better than this.
I waited until the wheel came around again and I could see my slice coming up. I clawed at the wheel again (again, experiencing the electric, bone drilling feeling) until it slowed down. I grabbed my slice at the edges and thrust myself head first into it as hard as I could, desperately trying to get back to where I was. As soon as my head made it through the slice, everything exploded. My skin was peeled off of me into countless dimensions and my body was torn and twisted into shreds. I fell into blackness. Surrounding me were pieces of the slice I tried to climb into. Each one was a port-hole (like on a submarine) into reality, but at different times of ‘my’ life. There was no order, the windows were scattered around me. I could see a moment from when I was in middle school, practicing saxophone. I could see another of me sitting on a couch with my sister, arguing about something stupid. I saw several more that I did not recognize, with people I did not know. I assumed these were from my future (or well, from whoever person this was’ future. I didn’t even know if this was me anymore of if this was just the slice I chose).I was afraid to touch these as I didn’t know if it would cause me to experience the moment as the slices had done earlier. It might also toss me in at that time point (further forward or back in time from where I ‘was’). I finally saw something that looked familiar, I was sitting in the car port loading up the bowl and R was talking to me. The perspective was weird though and it seemed like I was looking up at myself from 30 feet away, like I was deep in the concrete floor.
I grabbed the window by the sides and again thrust myself forward as hard as I could. As soon as my feet made it through I was back in my body (well, ‘a’ body. I don’t know if it was mine). I had no memories still so at this point I was an empty shell in an unfamiliar body in an unfamiliar place. Slowly my recollection started to come back to me. I could remember events from my childhood, I remembered my family, I remembered I was a college student. I came out to do something.... what though? I looked around and saw the bong at my feet and suddenly it all came back to me. “I smoked salvia! That’s what caused all of this?!?”. I looked behind me and could still see the tear in space where I pulled myself through. I could hear her children laughing and chanting, I looked at the trees around me and could see her children frantically working and creating everything around me. The trees stretched out and were trying to push me into the hole I came from. I instantly got up and ran to the other side of the carport away from the trees and the rip I created.
I turned around and looked through the door into the house, everything was still distorted and spinning, I could still hear the wheel screaming its high pitched scream from some unknown space. Slowly the world became less choppy. I looked at the tear I came through and saw the millions of the children's tiny hands reach through the other side, laughing hysterically the entire time. As if the fact that I escaped was hilarious to them. Did they know something I didn’t? They pulled the rip closed and it slowly melted back together as they chanted “see you soon, SEE YOU SOON”. As soon as the hole closed I could no longer hear the scream of the wheel. I heard the females voice one last time “Don’t worry, you’ll be back soon enough, my child. Enjoy your time”.
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Aftermath:
To this day this is still one of the most traumatic experiences I have ever gone through. Immediately after I came down I ran into the house and locked my bedroom door. Everything felt incredibly fake. I was shown how everything was made and how empty and pointless it is. I had trouble talking to my roommates for a while because I saw them as philosophical zombies, not real people, just constructs and empty shells pretending to be people. Maybe they even were part of the wheel. After all, I was the only person in this world remember? Everything else was created by the wheel.
The biggest issue I had after this was for a while I was convinced that I wasn’t back in the ‘right’ body. I was certain that this body existed normally until it decided to smoke salvia, and then one of the wheels children (me) hopped in while his consciousness was vacated from the body. I only have the memories I do because they are stored in this body. If I had grabbed onto another slice then I would have been thrown into that body (or shell) instead, and I would have slowly remembered all of ‘their’ memories. I took over while the one inside this body is now trapped in that nightmare realm. I know this sounds insane (and I realize that now), but it felt so incredibly real that I still have my doubts every now and then.
Now, 8 years later I feel comfortable enough to talk about this experience. I have PTSD like nightmares once every few months where I’m back in that place, and I always wake up in a sweat and run across the room to get away before I realize where I am and that it was a dream. I bought more Salvia off of the internet (plain leaf and 5x, nothing stronger) in order to conquer my fear of this substance (Ha-Fucking-Ha). I now smoke plain leaf rarely and 5x even rarer, and achieve an altered mind state but nothing of the magnitude I experienced this time on 20x. I am working myself up so I can try and go back there and see what really happened, but I know it will be a LONG time before I am comfortable enough to go that far. What if I can’t make it back into this body? I’ve grown comfortable here in the past few years.
Thanks for reading, if anybody has any similar experiences or questions I’d love to hear them
) i saw the frames on a film stretching from far above to far below, but i wasn't gone all the way so i even started a thread on a drug message board asking if you can ever came back when you go there while on the effects