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Revealing information about yourself in a relationship :?

Dunno

Ex-Bluelighter
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Jan 23, 2005
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IMO I think it's best to leave the past where it should be.

Do you think you should leave out drugs, and other things in a relationship. IMO some things you have to keep secret because it won't work if you do.

I mention one thing then it goes on something like this..."Oh, i've never heard of that but i have heard of cocaine and things" 8):?:?:\
 
Yep! I do that then I come across as I murdered someone. not to worry, they have absolutely ZERO HEART AT ALL. ZERO. I hope if she has kids they turn out fine, I really do. Maybe she will understand if they don't turn out fine.
 
I agree with Never... You'll probably get found out eventually. And I don't think it's ever good to start a relationship on deceitfulness. The past is one thing, but if you're doing drugs you owe it to your partner to be straightforward I think.

Yep! I do that then I come across as I murdered someone. not to worry, they have absolutely ZERO HEART AT ALL. ZERO. I hope if she has kids they turn out fine, I really do. Maybe she will understand if they don't turn out fine.

:?
 
I throw that shit out there in there where it belongs.. front and center.. skip all the games i say.

would you throw it out front and center if you're strictly talking about HAVING done drugs in the past?

I think if you're sober currently, it's totally up to you whether you tell your S.O. that you used to do drugs. What's in the past should stay in the past in my opinion - do they really have to know??

then again, if you're doing drugs when you meet them, then yeah, you pretty much have to tell your S.O. about it if you're serious with them - but that's only if you're doing drugs in the present...

in relationships, I personally think that you should treat 'drugs' like an ex - your S.O. could hear all about your ex if you chose to divulge that information, but do you really think they want to hear about all that shit that you used to be into? I feel like we're just feeding into our egos by thinking that our own personal struggles with addiction/drugs are actually interesting to hear about...
 
It depends on a few things... if you current use drugs recreationally, if you have done drugs in the past (but don't now), and if you're an addict.

If you are a current user, do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is against drugs? I don't know if I could be. While I may not tell someone on a first date, I'd definitely want to bring it up sooner rather than later.
If you used in the past, it wouldn't be something you'd need to tell the other person right away, but I think it should be told at some point.
 
You should have the highest standards when it comes to finding a partner. We all deserve this. And part of those standards should be someone who would accept you for everything you've done, every mistake you've made, would listen to it all and still hold you hand just the same, and so on. Keeping stuff hidden will only create anxiety. You won't feel like yourself around your partner, will always fear what would happen if the person found out your secrets, and so on.

With that said, it's not easy. Society does not have a lot of compassion, especially when people get together in groups. A lot of people would not have a problem dating someone with a troubled past, but they wouldn't want their social circles or families to find out about it, so they abandon ship. People care too much about what other people will think of their partner, and it's often the fear of judgement from other people about your partner's past that undoes the initial attraction. So it's like having an extreme sexual kink. It's often easier to find the partner through the kink than it is trying to convince any new partner to come around to the kink. Maybe look within communities tied to drug topics for dates.

One thing I'll notice is if women seem to support drug-legalisation movements, they're typically open to dating addicts. And this is something that one can get a feel for quickly on a first date without spilling the proverbial beans.
 
Yeah, lie and end up with someone incompatible. GREAT idea...
 
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just wanted to say again that I get what everyone's saying about being truthful and open but if I'm dating a girl and she tells me about all her ex-boyfriends, I don't care who it is, I'm going to bolt then and there...you can be honest about who you are now without giving them the 100% dating background...
 
Yes but if the person turns out in the end to be not honest themselves, then it's hypoctictical
still it doesnt make sense to me. oNly I understand it if you get what im saying?:?
 
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yea`h we are both verbose but so i think it is great.

I'm still confused bout it
 
Honesty is the best policy in this matter I reckon my partner knows all my dirty secrets and I have never seen the point of hiding it your past makes you who you are now
 
If I don't tell someone I'm dating (and serious about) about my past, I feel like they don't know the real me. I want to know I'm loved for who I am, and that they accept who I used to be. I have drugs in my past, I've been arrested, i ran away from home, dropped out of school... my life is much better now, but I can't imagine falling in love and not telling my partner everything. Why be with someone you have to fake things for? I want to know he knows everything about me, and still loves me.
 
me personally.. i go with the flow of chat.. see iv had a bad drug history (stimulants not opiate) and alot of people no this about me. But if i was chatting some body who didnt tell me and shit then id go with flow and see what happens.. if they asked me directly have ever touched drugs then i would say yes in my past i have why have u? then see where the flow goes! suppose what they dont know wont hurt eh?!?
 
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