• Bluelight
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    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

Rest in Peace CEEHAWKINS

C

ceehawksgrl

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 8, 2012
Messages
3
Location
Las Vegas
Hello Bluelighters,

I am here to bring bad news. My fiancee, the love of my life, my soulmate, and my everything for the past 6 years passed away on 11/3/12. His un on here was Ceehawkins but his name is Don.

He had been in WD for a few weeks from oxymorphone and couldn't take the pain anymore so he got some H (not sure how much) and IV'd it. It was more than his body could handle, he stopped breathing, and his heart stopped.

He had warned me SO MANY TIMES that when you are in WD and take your first dose back you always take a little less but unfortunately he did not take his own advice. He struggled with a HARDCORE opiate addiction for almost 5 years and tried very hard to escape it. I know he found solice in Bluelight and it helped keep him alive many times, so thank you.

I am currently trying to get into all his accounts so I hope to eventually be able to login here under his name and post something but am having a hard time with the captcha (sp?) to have his password sent to his email address.

He was an amazing heart and soul and should've lived much older than 30 years... please please please be safe everyone, it can happen to any of us at any time.

-Brittany
[email protected]
 
I am so very sorry for Don, who surely did not want to die, only to feel better, and for you. No one deserves addiction. Take as much solace as you can from knowing that he was loved while he lived. To be the love of someone's life is an honor and a gift, and many people live much longer lives never experiencing that. You gave him that. I hope that can bring you some peace in the coming months.

There is a thread here where you can come to express your grief when it overwhelms you, or you simply want a place to put your feelings out into the world. I hope that you have support in your own life. Many people here can add to that support.

Rest In Peace, Don.<3
 
thank you so much herbavore... i know he did not want to die but only to escape the wd even for just a few hours. i know how that feels because i got involved with the opiates as well and am still struggling to keep my nose clean... it IS overwhelming and i do have support but he was the only one in my life who understands what i go through with the pills. he is the only one that i can talk to about wd or whatever, and now he is no more. maybe i can find peace in myself in my own addiction in bluelight and reading other stories. maybe you all can understand and it will help me, we shall see.
either way, i appreciate your reply. it's hard when people in my life (which is very separate and in another state from the life i had with him and with drugs) to understand when they find out how he died, he was not just an "addict" and a bad guy. no one starts out WANTING to be addicted, it just happens. and it happens to a lot of us.
i just want everyone to BE CAREFUL and to read threads like this to understand how people die from this terrible burden that we carry and to know what NOT to do in medicating and even if it's just to feel better temporarily out of wd. that is all i want...

thank you again,
brittany
 
:( Brittany <3 I am so sorry to hear about Don. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. There is always a place here for you, come to our section in The Dark Side. There are a lot of kind souls that seek and give support and love during hard times.

<3
 
Brittany,
I lost my mother to a drug overdose, so I know what you're going through. The shock, horror, and disbelief that this has happened to someone so close to you is incredibly hard to take. It does get better, but it will take some time.
I have read some of Don's posts in the past and took comfort from them during the many times I've withdrawn from Opana. I understand all too well the pain that drug can cause once you stop it. I've actually had surgeries that hurt less than oxymorphone withdrawal. So, it is completely understandable that he wanted and needed a reprieve from the pain. I'm very sorry to hear that he didn't make it. There but for the grace of God go any of us. We've all taken too much at one time or another, and managed to survive it. Again I'm very sorry for your loss. Bluelight is a good place for you to find support while you're working your way through this. I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say we're all here for you.
 
Don's Youtube Videos really really helped me.. and his last one ( with the pixies song where is my mind playing) seemed so hopeful even tho he was still having symptoms.. could you tell us more about his life? he seemed really interesting and woud love to learn more ( seemed like he liked Marilyn Manson and loved music.. like myself).. and he said he liked kyaking i believe.. any info be great as he was intriguiing and i somehow feel close to him as i watched his videos over and over in withdrawl! as he had amazing advice.. R.I.P and hope you are making it thru. please stay safe yourself!
 
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