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Relationships 101?

Ein-2765

Ein-2765

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 10, 2011
Messages
40
How do you suggest I go about starting a relationship?

So, I'm 19 (I'll be 20 next month), and I've never had a relationship, much less lost my virginity or even had a romantic kiss. You would think that for someone like me, being my age, that finding a girlfriend wouldn't be such a problem.

But the thing is, I'm really not like most people my age. This may sound egotistical of me (hell, it probably is), but I really don't care for most people my age (or most people in general). I'm an intellectual and a writer, and I have no I interest in the usual shenanigans and hijinks that most people (especially teens) get involved in. I don't think being stupid is amusing, I don't party, I don't drink, and I am really unimpressed with most aspects of pop culture.

I'm not in college (and don't plan on ever attending), I don't have a regular job where I interact with people (as I said, I'm writer, so I work from home). In fact, ever since I left high school, I rarely interact with people my own age. Suffice it to say, people are right, that you forget about your friends from high school. I guess it seems that they were just people I hung out with the pass the time than actual friends. The one friend i did have moved away, and since then I've managed to completely alienate her from me anyway (we talked about religion and got out of hand, and I behave in a less than respectable way).

Back on point, though. I just want to give a brief history of myself so that you'd have a better picture of who I am and thus be able to give better advice.

I tried dating sites, but I live in too small and remote of a town. All of the people on those sites are either not remotely my type (I'm looking for intelligent, independent women who want a real relationship), or dismiss me because or my age, or are simply too far away (I live in Alaska, so the next largest town close to me is over 300 miles away).

So how do I remedy this? I'm a small statured guy (5'8", 150 lbs), and I'm pretty shy when I'm in public, especially when talking to new people.

So what should I do? Is there some avenue that I haven't considered? Should I just give up looking for now until my circumstances change (which is something I don't see happening)? Am I just overthinking things? Is dating really just not had hard as I'm making it out to be?
 
I think you may be disinterested in the game that dating requires of people in your own age range/group.

I would wait till your mood and/or your circumstances change some. It seems like you feel that longing we almost all feel at that young age for a physical union. But, your inexperience is holding you back. Maybe you are overthinking things a bit.

This may be a case where stepping outside of your comfort zone will benefit you in the long run. Sometimes gaining a new perspective and evolving as a sentient being means trying new things just to try them.

:)

What do you have to lose by letting your guard down and jumping into the game you now regard as silly and possibly vacant?
 
What do you mean by jumping out of my comfort zone, specifically?

What would you suggest I do in trying to fine a match?
 
OP, word of advice. Moody self-obsession is only considered attractive in tall, handsome dudes who play an instrument.

Writers don't qualify. Take up guitar lessons.
 
You sound too shy and depressive to be longing for a partner at the moment. If you rarely go out how do you expect to find someone?
 
Man, your situation is unfortunate. Mainly because you never leave the house.
How do expect to find someone to be in a relationship with if you never leave your home?
You need to move somewhere else. Or maybe a miracle will happen and some hot artistic alaskan babe will move next door.
Good luck man.
 
Ein-2765 said:
I don't think being stupid is amusing, I don't party, I don't drink, and I am really unimpressed with most aspects of pop culture.
...
So how do I remedy this? I'm a small statured guy (5'8", 150 lbs), and I'm pretty shy when I'm in public, especially when talking to new people.
Click to expand...


I'm mostly the same with the respect to the first line. Being ditzy is incredibly unattractive. That said, some girls are ditzy when you first meet them but deeper when you get to know them so give them a chance. What drew you to bluelight if you don't drink (or do you do other drugs?)?

Anyway you're not small statured at 5'8". That's a height that people won't think you're more attractive for but won't think you're less attractive for either.

Write in the library. You're likely to find people who fit your requirements there. And I guess this might not work since you seem to live in a small town but start talking to random people. It's a perfect way to start feeling confident about yourself and public speaking. I always do it on the train, especially because that way I'm never going to see those people again so I don't care if I made a goof of myself.

EDIT: For a lot of people a serious relationship with someone who is not ever planning on attending college is off the table because of the implications about later financial stability and possible laziness. You need to make it clear that you have a definite and realizable life goal and are not just some lazy bum who says he's going to be a writer.
 
your not a pretty or unique flower (as a writer, maybe that typo has more significance than the sentence). the world and people are fucking ugly, get out there and terrorize someone's asshole for a while, stop being a prude, and don't be a bitch to anyone cuz they aren't half as special or unique as your romantic ass thinks they are, there are plenty more suckers lined up and waiting ready for you to depress them into leaving you after a few weeks. it's a good time.
 
Ummm well u sound like balls of fun! Loosen ur bowtie a lil and u may want to get a job that's usually a plus to attracting woman. But yea like someone mentioned moose sodomy may be ur only hope!
 
1.) If you're not at all social, the odds are stacked against you, full-stop. I get the impression that you'll find any relationship suffocating, because even good people are kind of like getting a gift basket with five things you love, two you can do without, and four that you hate.

2.) Note that I'm not completely without sympathy, as your post reminds me of a recent conversation that unwittingly revealed every single problem I've had with relationships, one that--by my own admission--I sorely need to work on.

Me: I went through all the trouble to get this phone and enter all these damned numbers, and nobody calls me.
Friend: Why don't you call them?
Me: I don't want to talk to any of them.

Es una lástima.
 
Ein-2765 said:
What do you mean by jumping out of my comfort zone, specifically?

What would you suggest I do in trying to fine a match?
Click to expand...

Read the second part of post #6

It just may be that you are suited to leave your village. Have you considered moving to Anchorage or some other city on the Pacific Coast?

Maybe you could escape away to a University or something similar. You have a better chance of finding a girl that stimulates you physically and intellectually in a scholastic situation.

You are definitely the right age to do so.

:)
 
Writers live to the middle of nowhere in Alaska and lock themselves away to concentrate on their writing, not to find love. Tons of good suggestions in this thread, get out of the house, find a job, go to school, move someplace you've never been before, do something, but most importantly; have FUN. And in time everything else will follow.
 
I appreciate all of the help (even though a few of you were rather glib and immature).

Coming here for advice was basically a last-ditch effort, and even though I hoped that there would be some sage advice that would instantly solve all of my problems, I knew that probably wouldn't be the case.

Unfortunately, most of what was said here were things I either already considered, or are just too vague and nonspecific to act upon.
 
To me, it just seems like a waste to spend time or money getting a job I don't like or going to college for no good reason just on the off chance that I might meet someone. I mean, there's not even a gurantee.

I've always thought about moving to someplace in Canada, or somewhere else with a similar climate to Alaska, but for one, I couldn't really afford to do that, and also, I don't really see the point. All of my close family live near me, and again, there's no guarantee I would even meet someone that is appealing to me.

I guess for right now I'll just have to make do with having no love life, and just see what happens in the near future. Maybe my circumstances will change and I'll find a job I'd like, or maybe I will eventually move someplace else. Who knows.

I do want to clarify something that a lot of you have just been assuming. I'm not some naive delicate flower that thinks the world is out to get me, or that people suck because they are friends with me. That's not at all the case. I just have big problem with stupidity and ignorance; and unfortunately it seems most of the population (not just where I live) seems to be aflicted with this condition. I just have no patience for fast-paced, quippy modern life (even though I would most certainly take now over any other time in the past. I'm not the nostalgic type.). That is the main reason why I don't I interact with most people (and also why I stay home, apart from not having a driver's license).
 
Ein-2765 said:
I appreciate all of the help (even though a few of you were rather glib and immature).

Coming here for advice was basically a last-ditch effort, and even though I hoped that there would be some sage advice that would instantly solve all of my problems, I knew that probably wouldn't be the case.

Unfortunately, most of what was said here were things I either already considered, or are just too vague and nonspecific to act upon.
Click to expand...

^^^ I wouldn't think pessimism is a very sought after personality trait by a potential partner either.
 
So basically you are a shut in and a lost cause.

This thread is for naught because you have every excuse in the world not to be happy.

:)
 
Perhaps try some MDMA, go out to a bar/club or where people gather and you may see through your perceived opinion that the rest of the world is stupid.
 
How frequently do you go outside of your house to public places?

And where do you write? Because I bet if you're not ugly, don't smell, and look interesting people who aren't dolts will talk to you if you write in a semi public space.
 
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