Need Help Relapsed on stims

[skitzo23]

Hi new here, been browsing all day.
I got drunk and then I've relapsed on stims, shitty coke and then some paste. Spent all my money on hookers, degeneracy, now I can't sleep properly and think the posts on this forum are about me, I know it's not true but got this feeling of dread inside.. Going to try to get some sleep now, but it'll take a while fml

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

the posts on this forum are about me,

Well... it is about us all. Or most of us.
I fear that the comedown is the likely cause of this "dread" that is felt. Seemed to always be there at the end of my many "runs". Just the lows after the highs... inevitable.
Been there done it and still fuck up once in a while and that dread still shows up.
We balance after a while but if there is any love in your life that one may feel is neglected from our use... this can grow into quite the quagmire if we do not get a grip on our self medicating habits.
Just my experience, friend.
What do you expect in the long term?
Welcome to bluelight and happy to have ya.
Peace

 

[skitzo23]

I was clean from stimulants for the last 7 months.. What I expect in the long term if I keep at it is going in and out of euphoria, connection, alienation, psychosis, depression and general degeneracy.. Yeah love, I surely could use some, I'm hurting my family, and have to lie etc. I was quite stable before, I just had stabilized, then I relapsed, I forgot completely this feeling of coming down, or I just felt like shit all the time maybe.. Think I need to quit drinking as well, it lowers inhibition for getting on stims. Maybe I'll just keep it at light disso and psy use.

And thanks for the warm welcome

 

[skitzo23]

I just need to find a north star again, but when I'm high on that shite all bets are off, and I ruin everything

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

north star

I ruin everything

What is everything to you? I found that mine was/is my family. Looking back it seems sacrifice, dealing with changes in life style, dealing with the issue of being "sober" and the reasons of self medicating started to manifest in sleep (or the lack thereof), thoughts and every part of my life. Shit got to the point after 56 years that I had to find some new support columns and install them because there were none (or very few older ones that are now distant). Seems to help.

Yeah love, I surely could use some, I'm hurting my family, and have to lie etc.

Did the same with weed, opioids, benzodiazepins, alcohol, crackrock, powder the list may be endless but then again gambling isnt a thing for me I can spend that money on sure things.

Whatever tf is going on there is always an escape route. Life has taught me to find them before going in but being caught up doesnt mean there aint a way out, either.
Stick around a bit bl has the tendancy to help me in crisis. For reals.
Yep.... love

 

[plumbus-nine]

Alcohol is evil. It always made me want to do more drugs and do other shit.

 

[spammie nurse]

Welcome to BL. I hope you stay because folks here care and are supportive with no judgment. We all need someone to walk with.

 

[skitzo23]

Welcome to BL. I hope you stay because folks here care and are supportive with no judgment. We all need someone to walk with.

Depends on how triggering it's going to be for me, maybe coming here is just clinging to my old lifestyle I'm not shure.
I spent 7 months in rehab, but struggled the whole time with not having made up my mind if I really want to stop. Now I'm shure I don't want to be on amphetamine anymore, but how long till I forget the bad times and just remember the rush. At first I was deluding myself saying it was for productivity but I have to face that's plain delusional cause once that horny kick comes I spend hours wanking, going to prostitutes or making a fool out of myself. Not shure if I'm deluding myself with the dissos and psychs but I really love raving and being off my face, so not shure what I should do. I was always able to handle my k and psychs addiction wise, but it might lead me back in the cycle of mixing and mashing everything..