Mental Health Really Just Giving Up (Again) - BPD/Med advice from the Pros?

[Trying2Smile]

Hello, I hope everyone is doing well and this doesn't come off as a repetitive post that many may have posted, but after night after night of trying to google every issue and working with doctors and a family that really doesn't understand - I know this is place to go.

Well simple - I have BPD, pseudotumor cerebri, Drop Falls (Atonic Seizures), and severe Anxiety/Panic Attacks. I will say I have been on MANY, many medications that most people would probably just laugh at or say I'm hopeless the amount of combos etc...- that didn't work for me.

I currently am really only treating my Panic Attacks, Anxiety, and just being able to get up in the morning and deal with being alive. Let me break down the medications I'm on - (I do sooo apologize if this post seems just off and crazy, I haven't slept in almost two days - and always have Insomnia...)

Meds - (Which the question really is can someone give me advice -Good or Bad or Mean - Anything helps - on the medications I'm taking and why I seem so scared what to do next? Due to time been on, weight, dosage - etc.)

1. Xanax (Niravam) - 1mg (But usally take 2 times a day)

2. Adderall IR - 20mg Pills (Chew 60mg at once usually 1-2 times a day)

3. Dexedrine - 10 mg (Only take maybe 1 time a week instead of Adderall, Chew 20mg - doesn't do anything really..)

4. Temazepam - 15mg (Been taking the last few weeks 15mg-60mg at night - Chew of course)

5. Valium - 10mg (Usually 1 time a day - sometimes 2 at once)

So that's the breakdown...

I'm a 26 yr old Female - 5'2'' - 100lbs - and have a very HIGH tollerance to my medications due to the length of being on Benzos for over 9 years (Clonazepam when I was just a teen) and Adderall the past 2 years.

Well my question is purely I am LOST -

I am taking sometimes all my benzo together just to sleep - and this will be on days I took my adderall very early in the morning...

I am scared to up my doses - and asking the doctor to up them (even though he is very pill pushy) - I feel nothing....and meaning nothing..still up - still anxiety...Just worried I might end up taking TOO much one of these days.

I sound Pathetic I know..But I came here to get advice because I'm terrified to ask anyone else...My doctor understands to give medication to help - but only will do so much for me...

I have tried Prozac, Lithium, Oxycarbozene, etc. - every medication for different problems with me - mind you I have so many.... And I'm stuck with these...

Advice? I know I may not have given you enough or sound like a maniac...but I kinda am just lost right now...

I want to up my Adderall IR - I know 60MG Chewing at once seems alot - but it just doesn't get me up anymore.... and I did get Desoxyn - but my insurance wouldn't approve it..

I have my Benzos..and really afraid of how to take them to just take away all the stress.

Thank you for any advice. You are all very kind to offer anything at all.

 

[Tommyboy]

I noticed you are on Niravam and I haven't met anybody else that has used that form of xanax so was wondering if it still tastes like cherry candy or similar. Anyway, have you tried lamictal? I know that a lot of people with BPD have given it positive feedback.

I'm going to move this thread to the correct area.

BDD --> Mental Health

 

[beagleboy]

Well my question is purely I am LOST

Im kinda in the same boat. I've been on ssi since 2007 for spewing insanity at the SSI Dr after getting the hint from the staff at the Transitional Living house I was staying at while going to Community College. ( the hint was that they thought I needed to be on SSI and/or prove that they have a job and aren't just their to inhale air )

I have had adults around me that have in the past encouraged me to start working again through the SSI Ticket to Work program so I can find my way. It would be great to get a fuckin life so I can make decisions for others people and then the drugs I get prescribed to me make sense. Right now I do the typical things that someone that gets Adderall xr 30mg/day and Xanax 1.5mg/day does. ( I also get clonidine, trazadone, wellbutrin, but don't really take them )

Some of the supplements that I take alongside with the Adderall to keep my tolerance low and to avoid feeling like shit after binges are DXM 30mg on regular day's and 30mg x2/day on binges and also 200mg Albion brand Chelated Magnesium on regular days and 400mg/day on binges. My Adderall usually lasts 14-23 days from the 30 that its scripted for. I am able to gorge myself with food when I binge also and drink lots of water. I like to do high intensity workouts, so I own a cheststrap/wristwatch heart rate monitor to stay safe.
Some of the best moments I have I never really would realize them because I am so busy wrapped up in doing something like working out or pushing myself to create something so I keep a journal on my food, drug/supplement, water and a few other things that I do everyday. It really helps. At like day 3 of a binge I can relax knowing that I have done everything to make my "fun" last longer and that its just my body shutting down and NOT due to some fruitcake paranoid fantasy....that might lead me to do more drugs.

Trying to smile: You know that your medication regime makes you and your Psychiatrist look like a pair of space cadets right?:D I'm not trying to hassle you and I would love to be in a relationship with a Psychiatrist that is willing to prescribe like yours does.
Have you ever had a different Psychiatrist? If you wanted to, and if you feel that you are or a licensed professional like an addiction specialist has told you that you are after speaking with you, tell your psychiatrist that you are abusing the narcotics. That way things would change for the better ie. you wouldn't get all those drugs.

You should probably go to detox and start over.
-or-
Do you know the criteria for identifying yourself as an addict, like "drugs are interfering with my life. I cant cope. My life could be better if I wasn't abusing drugs" etc.

You should tell someone that knows you like a parent or an adult that you trust that you need professional help if you think you are an addict.

 

[beagleboy]

I didn't read the medical afflictions that you listed before I made my comments above, regardless I wanted to express that I think I am versed in Adderall/Xanax from lurking the fourms. I thought that I could help so Im leaving my post.

I am taking sometimes all my benzo together just to sleep - and this will be on days I took my adderall very early in the morning...

I am scared to up my doses - and asking the doctor to up them (even though he is very pill pushy) - I feel nothing....and meaning nothing..still up - still anxiety...Just worried I might end up taking TOO much one of these days.

I sound Pathetic I know..But I came here to get advice because I'm terrified to ask anyone else...My doctor understands to give medication to help - but only will do so much for me...

I have tried Prozac, Lithium, Oxycarbozene, etc. - every medication for different problems with me - mind you I have so many.... And I'm stuck with these...

Advice? I know I may not have given you enough or sound like a maniac...but I kinda am just lost right now...

I want to up my Adderall IR - I know 60MG Chewing at once seems alot - but it just doesn't get me up anymore.... and I did get Desoxyn - but my insurance wouldn't approve it..

I have my Benzos..and really afraid of how to take them to just take away all the stress.

....you've gotten prescribed meds for diagnosis that Im not familur with.

Do you belong to any support groups? Or do you volunteer, at soup kitchens type places? Do you stay physically active? That is a major component in addressing someone's well being through a holistic view.

You really should find some activities preferably with others that are versed in your afflictions as well that you are and do mind/body stuff and keep a log so you can se what works for you.

Good luck trying2smile.

 

[mrflowers00]

it sounds like you should talk to your dr about how this medicine combo isn't doing very much and you would like to explore all your options to see if you can't get yourself feeling better everyone has a right to good health care IMO