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mrflowers00

mrflowers00

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
May 23, 2010
Messages
3,697
Location
santa rosa, CA
what would you do if you love a friend of the opposite sex a lot and have a great time just talking to her/him but you both suffer from the same problematic issues and would probably tear each other to bits if you were to date each other but you cant help but be attracted to them they make everything feel ok i used to think this feeling meant i love the girl and have to be in a relationship with them but now i think more like it's great to have a friend that is so good and wouldn't want to mess it up for the chance of being in love instead of just loving each other
 
Depending on what the "problematic issues" are, this could go either way, I think. If it's heroin addiction, then "tear each other to bits" is probably the outcome. If it's social anxiety, then two people together with the same problem can really reinforce and help each other. What do you have in mind, specifically?
 
we are both drug addicts and we have very similar medical issues so we get similar meds i just know we would destroy each other and probably wouldn't be able to stay friends
 
I think you're answering your own question. Sorry :( I know how painful that can be.

I often ask my partner what it would have been like if we had met each other years earlier -- when we were both drinking alcoholically. But, I know the answer. We would have hated each other. Now that we're together, we're pretty instrumental in keeping each other sober. It's a timing thing. Keep your friend a friend, keep her close, and just wait. Life is fluid ... everything changing all around all the time. And your time may come.
 
I have an ex who was so much like me it's spooky- hangups, habits and everything. Especially knowing what buttons to push to piss each other off. We are better off as friends but we've been back and forth many times. You never know how this would work for you Mr flowers, only one way to find out. <3
 
i love her so much as a friend i don't feel like risking our friendship with a relationship she's like a sister from another mother n father but i also could see myself falling in love with her which i could see ending horribly i really love her as a friend she's like family and nothing to me is worth risking a good family tie i was just wondering what others would do
 
Honestly dude, I think in this scenario it is best to stay friends and not try to be in a relationship. You will most likely trigger each other in to using more and more drugs, which will make your other issues more profound. It's just a potential recipe for disaster, and you'll end up losing her as a friend :(

It's a tough one, and it might hurt, but like you said you'd prefer to love her as a friend rather than not have her in your life at all <3

VERY insightful of you to ask this question and not to just delve head-first in to a relationship by the way!! Good on you
 
yeah i love her to death and wouldn't wreak it for the world she means so much to me i love her she loves my family and we're always there for each other it's great the way it is
 
sorry to bump but i need more than just a couple opinions on what someone else would do in my situation cause i love her as a friend but i've been developing a crush on her too
 
mrflowers00 said:
we are both drug addicts and we have very similar medical issues so we get similar meds i just know we would destroy each other and probably wouldn't be able to stay friends
Click to expand...
I've already posted a couple times in this thread, so I'm not quite sure what else to say. But, I see that this is causing you a lot of pain and distress. So, let me try this...

Have you ever seen the documentary, Dope Sick Love? It's about two addict couples in New York City trying to balance their addictions with their relationships. I don't know if you two are at this stage, might get to this stage, or might avoid this stage altogether. But, it's what I thought of when I read "we would destroy each other" in your post. It might be worth watching for some insight into how these types of situations play out.

http://drugdocumentaries.net/dope-sick-love/

Good luck with this. I know it's a very fragile situation.
 
mrflowers00 said:
we are both drug addicts and we have very similar medical issues so we get similar meds i just know we would destroy each other and probably wouldn't be able to stay friends
Click to expand...

Everything that has a beginning has an end. Man is like a tree, it grows, blossoms pretty flowers, then grows old and dies. If I have to choose between growing old and dying without ever growing flowers, and growing flowers without growing old, the alternative is pretty obvious. If the fear of death hurts you now, wait and see how bad it hurts to grow old regretting not exploring the love of your life.

You are here to have a wonderful time. After death, nothing awaits you other then more life. You simply cannot have any other experience. If you were religious you could argue that having fun in this life would deny you the experience of going to heaven later. It's clearly not the case. If you have a hunch that it will be a wonderful time, go for it. Wonderful moments are destructive because they drain your vital energy, just like growing flowers drains vital energy from the trees, but what else do you have to do with your energy? What greater destiny awaits you?
 
three options,

1 man up and go for it

2 come on here periodically to moan about it

3 stop being friends and move on

best of luck;)
 
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