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Re-assessing attraction

Pagey

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Apr 11, 2012
Messages
9,428
Location
The Valley of Ashes
Heey,
So this guy I hooked up with about 3 months ago just contacted me again this morning. We met in a pub, he spent the night over at my place and he's 4 years older than me (I think? Give or take a couple). Thing is I was horribly drunk that night, still kinda recovering from my previous break-up so a bit vulnerable, and I reaaaaally regretted it the next morning. Also while we were having sex he asked me to be his girlfriend when we'd met about an hour before which kinda creeped me out/seemed very desperate. And he insisted on cuddling all night which I can't stand with hook-ups.
So he texted me the next day and I never answered. This morning he sent me another message (can't believe he kept my number all this time), we talked for a bit and obviously he asked if we'd see each other again.
I'm not quite sure what to answer. I don't remember our last experience together as positive but I also think it's because of how drunk I was, and that really contributed to my feeling disgusted about myself. I'm also not sure I'd be attracted to him sober. He's actually pretty handsome objectively but eh. I dunno.
Anyway what I was thinking is I might say okay to meeting up with him again, but sober this time. He suggested going ice-skating which could be cool. I figured I could just see what I think of him when I'm actually capable of making judgements, just in case he really does appeal to me - and if I still don't think it could work I'll just tell him I don't think I should see him again. Dyou think I should do that? Because I suppose the odds of me being attracted to him this time round are pretty slim and I'm just afraid it would be horribly awkward....also if we do end up seeing each other again I definitely don't want it to end up in sex this time, which he might be expecting.
Thoughts? :\
 
I think you should give him a chance.

1° Maybe he's not a hookup guy or goes to bed with a lot of chicks... therefore he didn't really know the "drunk protocol" what exactly to do the first night. If this is the case, I don't think you can really blame him for that.
2° Maybe he was also just very drunk and was more inclined to say stupid things. Maybe he's completely different sober.
3° Also, he didn't like stalk you after you didn't answer his message again. He didn't start flaming etc. that shows "above average" maturity.

I would definitely go ice-skating with him. Maybe, if you really want to communicate clearly that there is no sex at the table (or on the table ;)), say that you have to be somewhere later that evening <insert excuse here>. This way, you rule out the fact that he just assumes you be coming back for sex... imo, this can only improve the situation (if you want to get to know him qua person)

Just see how it goes. If you don't feel attracted (emotionally/physically) to him then tell him honestly that it will not work out.


p.s. Congrats with the mod-position. I like you posting :)
 
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You're not losing out on anything by going ice-skating with him. That sounds fun! Just try again. If you don't like him ... it happens! Just don't go out with him again. Just try and have fun. If it isn't fun, just try and cut the date short.

Enjoy :)
 
Ya asking you if he'll be your girlfriend while your having sex? When I'm having sex the last thing I'm thinking about is asking a woman to be my GF, gigantic red flag, although on the plus side he must like you to keep your number for 3 months.

Oh Mel22, will you be my girlfriend ;)
 
Thanks for the answers :)

Yeah the girlfriend thing is kinda the main reason why I didn't want to see him again, it just made him sound so desperate and that's why I'm so hesitant to see him again...in case he's kind of a creep or something.
Still hesitating. On the one hand it's true I may as well try and give him a second chance just in case but...I mean I don't really know what he could do since we're meeting in public anyway but I dunno. I don't like uncomfortable situations :(
 
meet him sober and just enjoy the day

ussually when one alarm bell goes off so do others but what have you got to lose? is he paying?
 
Go for it. What you got to lose. Fun date, neutral environment, no booze, you've got control. May well be that your previous assessment of him was coloured entirely by your own feelings in a bad place that you've projected onto him. Might actually be a really nice guy you like, might be that he is in fact a complete shudder-inducing dork, he's likely somewhere in between but your assessment will be fairer than the previous one and you'll know how you want to proceed. If he's a bit touch-feely you can make plain that's not desired if that's the case with body language, or more directly, if you decide you don't want it to go anywhere you can make that plain to him so he's not hanging on you like a little lost puppy going forward. Wins all round.
 
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