Mental Health Rationalizing Suicide in My Final Days

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Thank you everyone, again. I've found a lot of strength from all your posts, and - most importantly - hope. I've actually felt slightly better today, enough to see that suicide is unlikely a good option. I phoned my therapist and we spoke at length about it all, and we've decided to switch my medication from Quetiapine to Amisulpride when I meet with my psychiatrist in a fortnight. I just have to get by until then. I hoping after then things will get better, so it's something to hold onto at the moment. Thanks again everyone.

I'm so happy to hear that we have helped you here and that you're still alive

 

[Quicksilver56]

This is my first post. I understand how you feel as I have often considered suicide. I even studied the best method. I used to be the life of the party. I was a social butterfly. I have many different diseases, none that are fatal, just extremely painful and debilitating. I was sooo happy. Then it just seems as if everything collapsed at once. My husband left while I was attending my only child's college graduation (he left a note-took everything), I had no money, no place to live. Every night when I would try to sleep I would just cry and shake wondering how I was going to pay my rent. I finally called crisis and said I wasn't going to kill myself, but really wished I would go to sleep and not wake up. They sent me to a county paid psyciatrist who put me on 4 anti-depressants at doses that would alarm anyone. The guy I was dating allowed me to live with him until my disability went through. It was determined I was not marketable in my mental and physical state. It took 2 1/2 years to get my disability, my BF turned out to be abusive and now I am agoraphobic. This started in 5/2006. I only leave my house once a month because I have to go to the doctor. It is a four hour drive as I had to move to a place I could afford to ive on my money alone. I have completely isolated myself from everyone. My son has his own life and was just recently married, so I do not hear from him often and haven't seen him since his wedding in October. When I was that young, pretty social butterfly I used to say people who committed suicide were selfish and inconsiderate. It is very easy to judge when you are in a diferent place emotionally. I hope you find peace. I spend my days reading. It is my favorite thing to do. My doctor is being harrassed by the board of medicine, so my meds have been cut by more than half, so I am dealing with some withdrawal, as well. Thanks everyone for listening...OP please don't kill yourself because as cliche as it sounds....it does get better. (I will let you know if I ever get over my fear of leaving my home) LOL

 

[neversickanymore]

^ makes me think of the scene from Finding Forrester when Sean Connery knowing he is going to die leaves his apartment and rides his bike down the street.. do you have a bike?

 

[lifesohardheypun]

i really eel for you , i have been there , at one point i was so enraged at life , i just couldnt take it anymore, i would be so angry for no reasons, i would see people with huge problems and really just not give a fuck, you have to take it day by day, if you leave us early you never know what you may be missing in life, i still have hopes these docs can get my brain right, i come from a long ass line of , depressed chemically imbalanced relatives, so i guess its to be expected. but keep strong, there are people out here you dont even really know that as they lay down at night the last though in their head is, please give them the strength to make it through another night