Not stupid, but yeah, poppy seed tea. Basically all the horrific alkaloids and shit from poppy, opioids and all.
Recovery Quitting PST cold turkey
- Thread starter Momster
- Start date
Ds
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 26, 2006
- Messages
- 31,877
I’m glad you are in a program, and not giving in. You aren’t ever alone, not in this day and age of internet. There is always someone who will be there for you, listen to you, give unbidden advice, distraction, etc.
I get the alone part. It’s like an itch, and what does a little scratch hurt. I can honestly say I set my mind to never going back to any of it, and that’s that. After this many years, I’m done. You may have to push your heart a bit, but you seem to have reached that point of now or never, and never isn’t worth it.
Keep distracted during this point. Work, routine, read, whatever it takes to not give in. Fuck the clocks. They make it seem worse, that’s why I decided not to count.
I don’t know that your religious, and how you won’t be offended, but I will pray for you. I’ve never been religious before a couple years ago, always believed in God and ignored Jesus. But when I hit my wall, I gave my addiction to him. Now I truly believe in miracles. It’s not a clean miracle, I still have a road to walk to stay from this. But the ease on my heart, and not feeling alone helped me a lot.
I wish you the best, and if you need a vent partner, I’m here. Stay strong in this, you have this.
I'm born and raised south Alabama, God's Country, where there's a Baptist Church on every street corner. Church was a Sunday, and Wednesday deal growing up. Which I learned ALOT about the word. I've always had a conscious contact of God, but would always venture off, like the prodigal son. & Return with more consequences then before.
There was a time I overdosed in a family dollar parking lot and EMS had to revive me with the pads because my heart stopped. (I have heart issues today because of that shit). God was no doubt looking out for me there @Momster . & What did I do? Go right back to getting high again, it got worse, and worse, and worse.
I shouldn't even be here honestly. & I believe God has plans for not just me, but you and everyone else.
I understand that 'the G word' is a hard pill to swallow. After all the shit I've been through, it's not chance I'm still alive.
Southern Baptist, enough said 
I grew up in MD, to thoroughly ungodly parents, but somehow always had a love of God, and faith in him. He helped me survive a lot, though I will say my absolute fear of needles saved me from worst. It’s hard to pin down how we all get to this point. All I can say is my being done with this lifestyle is universally ageeed on at this point. It’s like my chains have been broken, and that’s all there is to it. That fear of not having it, the physical and emotional attachment just didn’t mean anything to me. All that mattered in those moments was God and my 2 kids. I asked for help, and for the first time ever I was allowed to know he heard me. It was instantaneous and I still have those two bags of seeds to get rid of. Tomorrow, they go in the garbage, and that’s that. I was avoiding it, more for being reminded of bad decisions than worry of falling back into it.
God does have a plan for all of us. More than that, he has love and grace. All paths lead back to Him, even when we hurt ourselves, ignore Him, hurt others. We just have to keep going, knowing we aren’t ever truly alone.
I’m still non-denominational, unbaptised, and forever Gods child. He never had to prove anything to me, but did. And I am forever going to be grateful for that bit of redemption, because I’m not perfect, and I have done not so great things to feed my addiction through the years. Sorry this is long winded. I have been holding this in for a while, cause how the heck do you explain this kind of thing to anyone? I don’t spout verses, and I curse, but God is great. We are his children, and he has unconditional love for every last one of us. Even me. Especially you. I hope you find your healing, and path forward. It’s true that what we suffer through, and survive, it makes us stronger. I used to say I didn’t feel pain, I used it. Not true. I felt it, it hurt and I didn’t know how to turn it into something useful. It used me. Now I feel emotional peace. Enough was enough, and I just kept saying I was done. Begging for help. Asking and praying. And then I asked someone else for help and their assurance of help was that last bit that pushed me. That was it. It’s like I turned a dark corner, and all I saw was the light at the end, and nothing else mattered.
I won’t bother you with more emoting and rambling. I’ll just sign off and tell you that you are loved. May God bless you, and give you strength and everything you need to reach your light at the end of the tunnel.
I grew up in MD, to thoroughly ungodly parents, but somehow always had a love of God, and faith in him. He helped me survive a lot, though I will say my absolute fear of needles saved me from worst. It’s hard to pin down how we all get to this point. All I can say is my being done with this lifestyle is universally ageeed on at this point. It’s like my chains have been broken, and that’s all there is to it. That fear of not having it, the physical and emotional attachment just didn’t mean anything to me. All that mattered in those moments was God and my 2 kids. I asked for help, and for the first time ever I was allowed to know he heard me. It was instantaneous and I still have those two bags of seeds to get rid of. Tomorrow, they go in the garbage, and that’s that. I was avoiding it, more for being reminded of bad decisions than worry of falling back into it. God does have a plan for all of us. More than that, he has love and grace. All paths lead back to Him, even when we hurt ourselves, ignore Him, hurt others. We just have to keep going, knowing we aren’t ever truly alone.
I’m still non-denominational, unbaptised, and forever Gods child. He never had to prove anything to me, but did. And I am forever going to be grateful for that bit of redemption, because I’m not perfect, and I have done not so great things to feed my addiction through the years. Sorry this is long winded. I have been holding this in for a while, cause how the heck do you explain this kind of thing to anyone? I don’t spout verses, and I curse, but God is great. We are his children, and he has unconditional love for every last one of us. Even me. Especially you. I hope you find your healing, and path forward. It’s true that what we suffer through, and survive, it makes us stronger. I used to say I didn’t feel pain, I used it. Not true. I felt it, it hurt and I didn’t know how to turn it into something useful. It used me. Now I feel emotional peace. Enough was enough, and I just kept saying I was done. Begging for help. Asking and praying. And then I asked someone else for help and their assurance of help was that last bit that pushed me. That was it. It’s like I turned a dark corner, and all I saw was the light at the end, and nothing else mattered.
I won’t bother you with more emoting and rambling. I’ll just sign off and tell you that you are loved. May God bless you, and give you strength and everything you need to reach your light at the end of the tunnel.
papercuts
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2021
- Messages
- 1,265
Hi, well done and I'd like to tell you reading your thread has really encouraged me. I'm currently withdrawing from pod tea, where you grind the pods then pretend they're the best coffee for the expresso machine. It's an entire year since my last kick, I got through wds then relapsed a few weeks later, I got scared I was dying without it because my blood pressure went sky high, over 200/100. This time I'm not being tricked back into it by my fiercely protesting body. Like you I'm a pain patient and my pelvis basically fell apart at my last pregnancy, 21 years ago now, it still feels like molten lava until I get moving of a morning.
On the brighter side I've not thrown up today, managed to pee and my husband has gone to get pizza.
You said about hormones? poppies will completely mess up that, my periods stopped so long the doctor said I was in menopause, then I changed my regime and everything went back to normal, regular periods came back but it took a while.
I'm not doing CT btw, my hair went white on one side from last time I did that and never went back to brown. I'm wearing three buprenorophine patches, taking 60mg of codeine three times a day until it runs out, my newest helper is clonidine, I also have gabapentin and loads more. I've planned this a long time and was deciding on a time, kept puttinng it off, then accidently put myself into withdrawal by using only 12g of pods for two days straight, by the third day I was unfunctional to say the least, so I went through hell for hours and hours, sweating, freezing, eventually I just got in the bath to be the same temperature all over, then I was even colder when I got out and my hair stayed wet all day because the heat from the hairdryer made me wanrt to scream. Today I've stomach pains from day three of not eating.
Where is he with that pizza?
On the brighter side I've not thrown up today, managed to pee and my husband has gone to get pizza.
You said about hormones? poppies will completely mess up that, my periods stopped so long the doctor said I was in menopause, then I changed my regime and everything went back to normal, regular periods came back but it took a while.
I'm not doing CT btw, my hair went white on one side from last time I did that and never went back to brown. I'm wearing three buprenorophine patches, taking 60mg of codeine three times a day until it runs out, my newest helper is clonidine, I also have gabapentin and loads more. I've planned this a long time and was deciding on a time, kept puttinng it off, then accidently put myself into withdrawal by using only 12g of pods for two days straight, by the third day I was unfunctional to say the least, so I went through hell for hours and hours, sweating, freezing, eventually I just got in the bath to be the same temperature all over, then I was even colder when I got out and my hair stayed wet all day because the heat from the hairdryer made me wanrt to scream. Today I've stomach pains from day three of not eating.
Where is he with that pizza?