Benzos Quit benzos and heroin 5 weeks ago, need help....

[bdomihizayka]

Ok.... so to make this short, I was on Klonopin, 1 mg a day since September. After ONLY 3.5 weeks of being on it, I tried to take myself off, and it felt like I was stuck in a bad acid trip, intense anxiety and derealization, and that is when I researched and realized the true insidious nature of benzos and how addictive and prolonged the withdrawals were.

Tapered off the Klonopin by Novemeber. All of november, my psyche was still not right. I started using opiates to mask the pain, and got physically addicted.

Beginning of December, reinstated on 10mg of Valium.... and also started snorting heroin later in the month instead of the oxycodone.

5 weeks ago I said FUCK IT and stopped the heroin and valium (5mg was what I was tapered to when I stopped).

My head is soooooo fucking pressurized..... and my eyes feel like theyre popping out of my head. My thoughts are odd, my psyche is off..... I have a bit of anhedonia.... I am suicidal at times, and I'm craving a few beers, but know I can't in benzo withdrawal.....

Anyways, WHY THE FUCK am I experiencing such bad benzo withdrawal with such low doses and a short duration? I shit yous not, I was stuck in a HORRIBLE acid trip after only 3.5 weeks use and trying to stop...... Am I permanently like this?

I need to be outta my head like nowwwww.... I'd rather be dopesick for a year than have to endure this benzo related shit for another month....

Any input is welcome. Thank you

 

[Swimmingdancer]

This is very unusual to have such problems after only 3.5 wks of using 1mg clonazepam/day, so it's difficult to tell you what to do or how long it will last. I know one thing, getting yourself addicted to heroin and Valium did NOT help things and you should really stay away from opioids and benzos if you want to recover.

I would definitely see a (good) doctor about this. My best guess would be that perhaps the clonazepam triggered some kind of latent mental issues if it felt like an acid trip from hell after just 3.5 weeks of use - the withdrawals from that length of time are not normally that severe (for someone who hasn't been dependent on benzos or similar drugs before).

As for rather being dopesick for a year, you probably got off easy on being dopesick since you only used for 2 or 3 months, it gets WAY worse the longer you are on them and every time you go through withdrawals, so I strongly advise you to NOT start using opioids again. The PAWS from opioids can be hell too. Don't go down that road. It will not solve your problems.

I would not worry your situation is permanent, you are likely experiencing post-acute withdrawal symptoms which should improve over time and there are things you can do to help it along. What were you taking the clonazepam for in the first place?

 

[bunge]

As swimmingdancer said above, your withdrawal symptoms are a little severe at the doses of benzos you were on and could be a sign of mental health issues that have come to the fore during what should of been a mild benzo withdrawal. I also agree that you should stay off the opiates as picking up a habit again with them could make any MH problem worse as well as making you more likely to pick the benzos again. Safest course would be to discuss these issues with a doctor, its their job to aid patients to recover after all. :-D

 

[bdomihizayka]

Thanks for the replies guys....... I DEFINITELY am not going back onto another opiate ever again in my life. I was on the klonopin for anxiety, but it made me depressed.....and I swear guys, I was stuck in the worst, craziest acid trip of my life after just 25 or so days of using it.....and its the first time in my life on a benzo, and im not or never was on any Gabagenic drugs or a heavy drinker....so yea, totally confused and scared...... I did see a doc and he said it could be withdrawal but as yous know, no doctors really KNOW about benzos totally.

If the benzo did pick out a new crazy mental illness, just fucking shoot me.... this is horrible...

 

[BlueHues]

You may not have a bonafide "mental illness"....It vcould be a one time thing....The mental illnesses they diagnose people with are just a set of symptoms that fall into a range that sometimes could be classidied as a "mental illness"....believe you can "think" your way into these states....It could be that even just a small dose of Klonopin for 3 weeks caused rebound anxiety that manifested itself like "a bad acid trip"...

You seem fairly lucid and able to describe whats going on....Did you at any point experience severe delusions or a complete break from reality? Or was it more just like everything felt wrong and you just felt all freaked out and weird but were still able to pretty much function and the only person who knew that something was wrong was you?

While I believe that mental illness is real, and I believe that there are some people that will have recurring bouts of it no matter what, I believe a lot of the time its way over-diagnosed, and that drug use is one of the main things that can mimic true mental illness.....Anxiety and stressful life events can trigger a lot of things....

I would try to find a way to quiet your mind down and detach from your worries without drugs....you can make yourself "crazy" thinking about all the possible things that could be wrong with you....

 

[bdomihizayka]

BlueHues, It was not a total psychotic break, but it was damn near close. I knew what was going on, but everything just looked so wrong and disturbing; extremely hard to explain, that's why I say derealization. Yea, I could function, but it was HARD. Nobody else could see anything wrong.

I totally agree also, everyone has all forms of mental illness manifested in them. Everyone gets anxious and depression and OCD and manic etc..... when it becomes a huge problem, that is when it is considered a mental illness.

I could be psyching myself out a bit, and I probably am since I do have an obsessive personality, but what I felt was real, and I'm still a bit "off". My reality is changed somehow, very slightly. It's not DP/ DR ..... but something is off..... lol

 

[BlueHues]

I've gone theough similar a few times, the worst times were when I abrubtly stopped using drugs....I could go into detail but it would take awhile...

Lately I feel sort of foggy, occasional strange thoughts that seemingly come from nowhere, etc....Staying engaged in life and not trying to over-complicate things works well for me....if I can manage to do it! lol...

I create a lot a imaginary crises in my head, re-living past events, thinking of things I couldve done differently, regretting things, feeling guilty....Or, worrying about what could be wrong with me physically, thinking something horrible is about to happen...etc.

Sometimes, I get overwhelmed and feel like I'm going crazy...sometimes it does manifest itself as sensory disturbances....everything looks weird or intimidating and feels wrong....or my thoughts feel like theyre racing or out of control....

There's lots of different drugs that will pretty much just dull me down so that it doesnt get too crazy, and I could get prescribed anti-psychotics easily....I've been diagnosed bi-polar I

The thing is, for me, the side-effects don't justify the benefits....I can usually manage these symptoms when they come up, and it doesn't happen often enough to me that I think its worth always being on meds as precautionary measure....

Chances are, if you just ride it out...a few years from now, you'll look back on this as just a "weird phase"...

I will say though.... Ive learned what substances trigger me into going "weird" and I know to avoid them for the most part.....

I can't really use stimulants anymore.....they used to be great for me, but now I know that I can't really use them without running the risk of going a little crazy, so I don't really use them anymore, and for the most part I'm fine.....

Try to spend time doing things that get you out of your own cyclical though processes....even if its just taking a 10 minute walk and paying attention to the little things going on in the world...The air, your footsteps, the way things smell. the sounds around you....Just stopping and taking in whats going on around me for a few minutes helps me break from my brain when it spins out of control....IDK, it may sound cliched, but it can really work if you can actually bring yourself to make the effort to do it....It could be anything too....I dont know too many detailz about your life

There's a lot of discussion about this very type of thing that you'll find in "The Dark Side" forum here on BL that you may find helpful, you should definitely check that out, I've found it helpful before when I've been going through similar....

Hang in there! I'll think you're just going through a rough patch!

-Blue