kingmilo
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2020
- Messages
- 8
Greetings 
I'll start off by saying how appreciative I am that forums such as this exist, thank you to all participants and the people who keep the lights on.
A quick bit of background about myself and what I am seeking. I'm a 40yr old man, fortunate enough to enjoy life and privileged enough to find peace in most of my days.
My first drug experiences happened when I was 21. I smoke marijuana, had one poorly executed LSD experience and a few lovely MDMA experiences all at the age of 21. After that I would very rarely smoke marijuana, and even less frequently use MDMA, but as I grew older I became more inquisitive about those mind altering substances which have brought me to where I am today. Over the past five years I have become a regular user of cannabis products and I have had five psilocybin journeys, all 5g and up.
For context I am tall 6ft2, and weigh about 240 pounds depending on how close we are to the Xmas holidays
I am fortunate enough to be in a healthy but challenging marriage, I don't have children, and I am healthy and fit, run/cycle regularly and enjoy movement in general. I eat mostly plants and take a keen interest in the food I eat and general well being.
My reason for psychedelic exploration is that I want to become a better person so that I can be better in all relationships with all humans and especially because I want to be more connected to nature and beyond. I feel like we are a sick planet and we each need to do our part to heal ourselves first which in turn will assist with the general health of the plant.
Over the years I have like most of you listened and researched psychedelics furiously and I am a big fan of both Mckenna's. I am also very grateful for their teachings and the sacrifices they have made to educate the world about these wonderful plants we have access to. Terence Mckenna is a big influence and he helped me understand how to approach a psilocybin trips and what to expect, most of what I know about tripping on mushrooms is through Terence. Most of the reasons for this is that I am not often surrounded by others who are interested in psychedelics or have experienced psilocybin trips, hence the reason I am writing this post and so grateful to have finally found a community.
My goal with mushroom journeys has always been to grow as a human, experience ego death, and be better connected to nature. For this reason I have only ever taken 5g or more and most recently I took 7g. The reason I took a higher dose than usual is because I have heard that most people seem to have a very visual experience when tripping and I thought perhaps I don't have visuals because I haven't taken enough for my body size. A close friend of mine who I guided through his first experience describes seeing machines, technology and other incredible visuals. I have never experienced such lucid visuals although I can certainly say I've seen a bit of colour and when out in nature I have seen what I can describe as waves flowing over mountains and valleys with a green tinge, very beautiful. All five of my trips have been very vocal and this is what I've come here today to share and discuss.
When I say vocal I mean that I seem to be having a conversation in mind mind, no audio, with an 'entity'. For 4 out of 5 of the trips I believed this dialogue to be with the mushrooms themselves, until this last trip which I will detail below.
On a Friday in preparing for my journey I last ate at 14h30, only hydrating as much as possible as I have experienced headaches after trips which I assumed were perhaps because I did not hydrate as much. I took the day before to focus on my intent and my previous trip which was perhaps a month before that. At 20h30 in the evening I ingested the 7g of dried mushrooms, raw as Terence recommends and as I have always done. I was fortunate enough to be in the middle of nowhere, alone in nature and took myself off to my room to sit on my bed in complete darkness an await the trip. About 40mins - 1hour later it started coming on. I was in complete darkness and eventually had to lie down to stand the onset of the trip. It is at this point that I seemed to have slipped out of consciousness or for a lack of a better term, "fallen asleep". It seemed as soon as I got into the journey I was having a dialogue with these "voices" again and they were questioning why I was back? They/It said things like "what more could you want from your previous trip, we gave you such a gift" (the gift was that they expressed how fortunate I was to have the bond I do with my partner), "you are not strong enough for this journey", "leave this to the strong" and "we don't think you will like what we have to show you it's difficult to comprehend and you are not strong or smart enough", it was that sort of narrative. I was immediately apologetic and said that I had forgotten my previous trip (which subsequently became clear and came back to me like a wave during this trip), to which the reply was that I needed to use symbols to help me remember my trips, something symbolic like a tattoo perhaps to remind me of what I experienced and what lessons I had learn't.
After what felt like a grilling I had an incredible journey and "saw" the planet and the universe come to life and die, I saw myself and my partner as birds living in a beautiful nest and while very fearful of our vulnerability we were also elated with the beauty of the world. I felt like I was being shown life and death, fear and joy and I was being taught that darkness, death and so forth were a part of everything and it is ok/normal to fear these things but to accept that they are part of life. I had some anxiety for the past couple of months for normal "life" things not to mention dealing with this difficult time we all find ourselves in, the anxiety manifested in my stomach like an ulcer. I felt a release of this anxiety and my stomach has been fine ever since, in fact I felt great after the journey and it has been sustained since (this happened Friday 23rd Oct). I saw my body decaying in a beautiful way like molecules/atoms of energy, trillions of them making up my body, flowing into everything else and becoming a part of everything else, it was truly breathtaking. I saw my relationships especially those with the women in my family and extended family, their strengths and how they are excellent teachers. I was shown how sick the planet was and given a message that we need to heal ourselves to heal the world. There is more, but I feel those are most appropriate to share for now.
As soon as I woke up the next morning I wrote everything I could remember down, and this was one part of what I wrote down to give you an idea of where my head was at after the trip:
"During my trip I didn’t have many visuals, or at least what I would consider visuals. There were some but nothing like I have heard describe by others. I took 7g thinking that I wasn’t getting to the space I needed to be but that couldn’t be more further from the truth. As soon as I started the journey I remembered I had been there before already on my last trip but had almost already completely forgotten and the mushrooms were annoyed that I was back. The previous journey they had shown me how deep and meaningful my relationship was and how lucky I was to have such a good connection. They said “you found your soul mate! What more could you want, go forth and explore life with her!”, and then this time they were annoyed that I was back “why are you here again, you have everything and more than most could dream of!”, then they proceeded to give me a ‘warning’ like, “are you sure this is the path you want to go down, are you absolutely sure? It’s difficult and complicated and only for the strong, make sure this is what you want!” It was at that point I realised that the journey they speak of was not for me, I wasn’t “strong”, enough to embark on that journey, it wasn’t my path."
After a couple of days I wondered if the "voice/s" that I heard and was having a conversation with was my own ego. I searched furiously for talks with Terence about the ego and stumbled across one which describes how the ego doesn't want you to take mushrooms and I have been wondering if this is what I have been experiencing, the struggle with my own ego. It seems to happen at the start of the journey and it always seems to be waving its finger at me in a sense. I really appreciate the teachings I have had from my mushroom trips and my plan has always been to move onto Ayahuasca and DMT once I had enough experience with psilocybin, in other words prepare myself for years before moving into those other realms, and now I am hesitant to even go on another mushroom journey because of "what I was told during my last journey".
I should also note that 7g seemed to be a decent fit, in other words because of my body size I think I was closer to a heroic dose, perhaps my past trips of 5g have not been enough and I am also wondering if I might need a few more grams because I am still underestimating my size and required dosage especially since I don't see visuals or experience anything like the sun exploding as Terence would put it. He does recommend smoking a "bomber" as the feeling comes on but I want more experience before I start mixing psilocybin and cannabis. I also understand that some people might just have more visual experiences than others, and I am completely fine not being one of those people as my learning experience has always been great, but I would also hate to not feel like I ever had a proper heroic dose.
I'll be reading more of the trip/experiences on this forum and might find some comfort in those, but I am curious to know what other people think of my trip and of the voices I hear and the lack of visuals.
Perhaps this can bring some comfort to others who also experience a similar journey.
Thank you for taking the time to read it.
Much love,
milo
I'll start off by saying how appreciative I am that forums such as this exist, thank you to all participants and the people who keep the lights on.
A quick bit of background about myself and what I am seeking. I'm a 40yr old man, fortunate enough to enjoy life and privileged enough to find peace in most of my days.
My first drug experiences happened when I was 21. I smoke marijuana, had one poorly executed LSD experience and a few lovely MDMA experiences all at the age of 21. After that I would very rarely smoke marijuana, and even less frequently use MDMA, but as I grew older I became more inquisitive about those mind altering substances which have brought me to where I am today. Over the past five years I have become a regular user of cannabis products and I have had five psilocybin journeys, all 5g and up.
For context I am tall 6ft2, and weigh about 240 pounds depending on how close we are to the Xmas holidays
I am fortunate enough to be in a healthy but challenging marriage, I don't have children, and I am healthy and fit, run/cycle regularly and enjoy movement in general. I eat mostly plants and take a keen interest in the food I eat and general well being.
My reason for psychedelic exploration is that I want to become a better person so that I can be better in all relationships with all humans and especially because I want to be more connected to nature and beyond. I feel like we are a sick planet and we each need to do our part to heal ourselves first which in turn will assist with the general health of the plant.
Over the years I have like most of you listened and researched psychedelics furiously and I am a big fan of both Mckenna's. I am also very grateful for their teachings and the sacrifices they have made to educate the world about these wonderful plants we have access to. Terence Mckenna is a big influence and he helped me understand how to approach a psilocybin trips and what to expect, most of what I know about tripping on mushrooms is through Terence. Most of the reasons for this is that I am not often surrounded by others who are interested in psychedelics or have experienced psilocybin trips, hence the reason I am writing this post and so grateful to have finally found a community.
My goal with mushroom journeys has always been to grow as a human, experience ego death, and be better connected to nature. For this reason I have only ever taken 5g or more and most recently I took 7g. The reason I took a higher dose than usual is because I have heard that most people seem to have a very visual experience when tripping and I thought perhaps I don't have visuals because I haven't taken enough for my body size. A close friend of mine who I guided through his first experience describes seeing machines, technology and other incredible visuals. I have never experienced such lucid visuals although I can certainly say I've seen a bit of colour and when out in nature I have seen what I can describe as waves flowing over mountains and valleys with a green tinge, very beautiful. All five of my trips have been very vocal and this is what I've come here today to share and discuss.
When I say vocal I mean that I seem to be having a conversation in mind mind, no audio, with an 'entity'. For 4 out of 5 of the trips I believed this dialogue to be with the mushrooms themselves, until this last trip which I will detail below.
On a Friday in preparing for my journey I last ate at 14h30, only hydrating as much as possible as I have experienced headaches after trips which I assumed were perhaps because I did not hydrate as much. I took the day before to focus on my intent and my previous trip which was perhaps a month before that. At 20h30 in the evening I ingested the 7g of dried mushrooms, raw as Terence recommends and as I have always done. I was fortunate enough to be in the middle of nowhere, alone in nature and took myself off to my room to sit on my bed in complete darkness an await the trip. About 40mins - 1hour later it started coming on. I was in complete darkness and eventually had to lie down to stand the onset of the trip. It is at this point that I seemed to have slipped out of consciousness or for a lack of a better term, "fallen asleep". It seemed as soon as I got into the journey I was having a dialogue with these "voices" again and they were questioning why I was back? They/It said things like "what more could you want from your previous trip, we gave you such a gift" (the gift was that they expressed how fortunate I was to have the bond I do with my partner), "you are not strong enough for this journey", "leave this to the strong" and "we don't think you will like what we have to show you it's difficult to comprehend and you are not strong or smart enough", it was that sort of narrative. I was immediately apologetic and said that I had forgotten my previous trip (which subsequently became clear and came back to me like a wave during this trip), to which the reply was that I needed to use symbols to help me remember my trips, something symbolic like a tattoo perhaps to remind me of what I experienced and what lessons I had learn't.
After what felt like a grilling I had an incredible journey and "saw" the planet and the universe come to life and die, I saw myself and my partner as birds living in a beautiful nest and while very fearful of our vulnerability we were also elated with the beauty of the world. I felt like I was being shown life and death, fear and joy and I was being taught that darkness, death and so forth were a part of everything and it is ok/normal to fear these things but to accept that they are part of life. I had some anxiety for the past couple of months for normal "life" things not to mention dealing with this difficult time we all find ourselves in, the anxiety manifested in my stomach like an ulcer. I felt a release of this anxiety and my stomach has been fine ever since, in fact I felt great after the journey and it has been sustained since (this happened Friday 23rd Oct). I saw my body decaying in a beautiful way like molecules/atoms of energy, trillions of them making up my body, flowing into everything else and becoming a part of everything else, it was truly breathtaking. I saw my relationships especially those with the women in my family and extended family, their strengths and how they are excellent teachers. I was shown how sick the planet was and given a message that we need to heal ourselves to heal the world. There is more, but I feel those are most appropriate to share for now.
As soon as I woke up the next morning I wrote everything I could remember down, and this was one part of what I wrote down to give you an idea of where my head was at after the trip:
"During my trip I didn’t have many visuals, or at least what I would consider visuals. There were some but nothing like I have heard describe by others. I took 7g thinking that I wasn’t getting to the space I needed to be but that couldn’t be more further from the truth. As soon as I started the journey I remembered I had been there before already on my last trip but had almost already completely forgotten and the mushrooms were annoyed that I was back. The previous journey they had shown me how deep and meaningful my relationship was and how lucky I was to have such a good connection. They said “you found your soul mate! What more could you want, go forth and explore life with her!”, and then this time they were annoyed that I was back “why are you here again, you have everything and more than most could dream of!”, then they proceeded to give me a ‘warning’ like, “are you sure this is the path you want to go down, are you absolutely sure? It’s difficult and complicated and only for the strong, make sure this is what you want!” It was at that point I realised that the journey they speak of was not for me, I wasn’t “strong”, enough to embark on that journey, it wasn’t my path."
After a couple of days I wondered if the "voice/s" that I heard and was having a conversation with was my own ego. I searched furiously for talks with Terence about the ego and stumbled across one which describes how the ego doesn't want you to take mushrooms and I have been wondering if this is what I have been experiencing, the struggle with my own ego. It seems to happen at the start of the journey and it always seems to be waving its finger at me in a sense. I really appreciate the teachings I have had from my mushroom trips and my plan has always been to move onto Ayahuasca and DMT once I had enough experience with psilocybin, in other words prepare myself for years before moving into those other realms, and now I am hesitant to even go on another mushroom journey because of "what I was told during my last journey".
I should also note that 7g seemed to be a decent fit, in other words because of my body size I think I was closer to a heroic dose, perhaps my past trips of 5g have not been enough and I am also wondering if I might need a few more grams because I am still underestimating my size and required dosage especially since I don't see visuals or experience anything like the sun exploding as Terence would put it. He does recommend smoking a "bomber" as the feeling comes on but I want more experience before I start mixing psilocybin and cannabis. I also understand that some people might just have more visual experiences than others, and I am completely fine not being one of those people as my learning experience has always been great, but I would also hate to not feel like I ever had a proper heroic dose.
I'll be reading more of the trip/experiences on this forum and might find some comfort in those, but I am curious to know what other people think of my trip and of the voices I hear and the lack of visuals.
Perhaps this can bring some comfort to others who also experience a similar journey.
Thank you for taking the time to read it.
Much love,
milo
