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prison...

Jean-Paul

Jean-Paul

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not sure exactly where this goes.

i'm sure some of you have served time.

my boyfriend is charged w/ burglary of a dwelling (unarmed, no one was home, he took "his" dog from a family member and then returned it). i don't really want to discuss the details of that...i am wondering how scary prison really is. he's out on a signature bond right now, but has a hearing next week.

what is bothering me the most is...he's a pretty boy. like, even my male friends have to admit. he's hot.

...so. how much does prison mirror movie prison? are all of the convicts mixed together, like drug people with murderers, etc?

i wish i had never seen ghosts of the civil dead. =|
 
Every jail/prison is different, so we can really only tell you so much. Are you in the USA? Though foreign jails are often portrayed as having worse conditions, the American ones are where you get raped, right? (not really...)

The beginning is typically the worst. Most jails segregate their prisoners according to the severity of their crimes. However, you might have a guy who did 15 years for murder now doing 2 years for a drug charge, and so on. But ya, the first few days in, when everyone is still getting sorted out, is typically the worst (kind of like when he was detained in jail before let out on the signature bond, and was in with everyone from the lowest misdemeanors to the highest felonies). If he can get through the first week without losing it, everything will fall into place.

Rape is rare in prisons and even more rare in jail, but it does occasionally happen. However, it's more about power/humiliation over people and less about looks. Meaning that your guy's not going to be raped because he's pretty. The real trouble in prison typically happens when you get yourself into gambling/drug debts, join a gang and consequently have other gangs after you, repeatedly and intentionally offend someone, etc.

Going on that, if he does have to go, tell him not to gamble or buy drugs while inside. To be respectful and polite, but also to stand up for himself if people try to test him (people will try and smell out your insecurities/weaknesses and then fuck with 'em). There will be unwritten "inmate rules" (not pissing into a toilet while standing up, taking a shower daily so you don't smell, etc) that he should follow. Don't be too friendly with the guards, and NEVER tell on someone, but also don't be rude to them (they can be corrupt). And really, just try and blend in, lay low (especially at the beginning) and don't show any emotions (good or bad, even if he secretly wants to break down in tears).

I think the biggest mistake I made was that I gave away my food for free the first day because I was too dopesick to eat. I thought this was innocent enough, but as there is so much less going on in jail, things like meals seem VERY important. And because I gave that away, I became a target of people wanting to take my food. Nobody raped me or tried to fight me over this (I'm a short guy with longer hair and piercings...again, it's not necessarily about being feminine). I did have to start verbally sticking up for myself around meals, though.

If he got let out on a signature bond, I doubt he's looking at any real time. Especially if you guys can hire a private attorney.
 
RedLeader said:
Every jail/prison is different, so we can really only tell you so much. Are you in the USA? Though foreign jails are often portrayed as having worse conditions, the American ones are where you get raped, right? (not really...)

The beginning is typically the worst. Most jails segregate their prisoners according to the severity of their crimes. However, you might have a guy who did 15 years for murder now doing 2 years for a drug charge, and so on. But ya, the first few days in, when everyone is still getting sorted out, is typically the worst (kind of like when he was detained in jail before let out on the signature bond, and was in with everyone from the lowest misdemeanors to the highest felonies). If he can get through the first week without losing it, everything will fall into place.

Rape is rare in prisons and even more rare in jail, but it does occasionally happen. However, it's more about power/humiliation over people and less about looks. Meaning that your guy's not going to be raped because he's pretty. The real trouble in prison typically happens when you get yourself into gambling/drug debts, join a gang and consequently have other gangs after you, repeatedly and intentionally offend someone, etc.

Going on that, if he does have to go, tell him not to gamble or buy drugs while inside. To be respectful and polite, but also to stand up for himself if people try to test him (people will try and smell out your insecurities/weaknesses and then fuck with 'em). There will be unwritten "inmate rules" (not pissing into a toilet while standing up, taking a shower daily so you don't smell, etc) that he should follow. Don't be too friendly with the guards, and NEVER tell on someone, but also don't be rude to them (they can be corrupt). And really, just try and blend in, lay low (especially at the beginning) and don't show any emotions (good or bad, even if he secretly wants to break down in tears).

I think the biggest mistake I made was that I gave away my food for free the first day because I was too dopesick to eat. I thought this was innocent enough, but as there is so much less going on in jail, things like meals seem VERY important. And because I gave that away, I became a target of people wanting to take my food. Nobody raped me or tried to fight me over this (I'm a short guy with longer hair and piercings...again, it's not necessarily about being feminine). I did have to start verbally sticking up for myself around meals, though.

If he got let out on a signature bond, I doubt he's looking at any real time. Especially if you guys can hire a private attorney.
Click to expand...


Thanks for this input!

I found it very informative and would love to hear any other feed back people have.

I myself have never had anything more than a speeding ticket! But I have done plenty in my life that could have landed me in jail. Plenty of stupid mistakes, and im sure I will do some silly and most likely illegal things in my future. What they might be is not important here...

But i am very curious also to hear what it might be like if ever caught and had to do some sort of time.
 
Yeah, everywheres different. Depending on the crime usually dictates where you'll go, most of the time. He took someone's dog, then returned it, doesn't sound like something to get locked up for.

If u can tell us what state he lives in or if you know the local jail/prison we cud probly give u some better insight

Jails n prisons r different, jails are for anyone sentenced under a year, and prisons are a year +. I went to jail, imwas the only white guy on my block, I went to the second worst jail in nj, everyone minded their own business, unless u wanted to go out and get fucked up u usually didn't have to worry about it. Prisons where u need to start worrying.

I'm sure someone already said everything I just did but w.e

But to add to Neko, just like she says she's done a bunch of shit where she should've ended in jail, like a lot of peole do, but didn't. The state wants your money more than they want to spend money on you sitting in prison. Get a decent lawyer, have cash for fines, and I think ull b fine

Nd to add to the other guy who posted, u may work out not getting into a gang in jail, but most prisons are a different story. If you DON'T join a gang you could have a lot to worry about. I've had friends who were forced to run wit a clique wen they did a bid cuz if they didn't, they had no protection, which is important
 
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I've know people that have been to State prison and people that have been to Federal prison. Federal at Eglin Air Force base prison was like a country club according to a friend of mine. No fence just a white line painted across the parking lot he couldn't cross over. Two person cottages. Raquetball courts. Got to drive a pickup truck around doing chores. conjugal visits. Lots of weed etc. I have been to County jail a couple times waiting to make bail and it's boring as hell. Mind numbingly boring. I've been through military boot camp and 24 hours of that is 100 times worse than an entire month in county jail. From what I have heard State prison is about the same but you actually have more privileges in state than in county. There are plenty of guys in prison that want to get ass fucked and straight people really don't have to worry about it unless they screw up and piss someone off. As long as he doesn't owe anyone money or drugs he shouldn't have to worry about it. I really believe that most of the prison rape scare shit is something that the government perpetuates through the media to keep the citizens in line. Uncle Sam says..."you don't want to go to prison because you'll get ass raped every day just like it happens on the TV show Oz. So you better obey the rules peasant". He has more to worry about with people trying to run extortion scams than he does with being ass raped.
 
I've not been to prison except as a volunteer. I do know a bit about the system. Fossil_Diver, you're probably correct about the BOP-run prisons being more like a country club than county jail or state prison. I don't know anyone who's been raped or assaulted - the rumors on that seem to be a little bit exaggerated. That said, harassment is a concern.

Jean-Paul, the advice you've received so far seems very sound. Don't gamble, don't do drugs, don't borrow or lend, don't snitch, don't give away food/other items, find some meaningful way to pass the time. Expect a lack of privacy - should be obvious, but it may not be to some. Also, having written to incarcerated friends IRL, a letter can really make an incarcerated person's day. Type on plain paper or write on notebook paper without enclosures - inmates' letters get searched unless confidential legal mail. Personal visits definitely make the time pass faster when possible.

Not the first time I've recommended the nice folks at www.prisontalk.com. Think of it as Bluelight for offenders, families (drug-related or not) and those who care after their well-being. They'll be able to tell you more about what to expect, and they have a forum for every facility both in the US and internationally. Always call the facility, if it comes to that, regarding the facility's specific requirements.
 
thank you everyone for your replies. he did indeed get off with bond supervision. however, i worry about their understanding of his not being able to get there sometimes. i'm going to help him when i can, but he's broke and resourceless otherwise. i also worry about his ability to abstain from smoking weed. he mentioned having to drop UAs. it doesn't make sense that he's required to do that for burglary, so i'm guessing it's about a previous possession charge. he has court for that in a month or so. 8(
i'm going to be so pissed if he fucks up and gets time for either one of those things, but i guess i was more worried than i should have been. he said i was listed as a witness and wasn't supposed to be in communication with him, but i drove him there and i sat in the courtroom for the hearing. no one cared.
 
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