I'm not sure where to post this, but I'll try here.
5 years ago in 2018, I attended a number of shamanic ayahuasca retreats. I had a pretty difficult time during some of them, it was far from idyllic, and I was going through "The Dark Night Of The Soul". During one ceremony, I had a vision I was in a local hospital (that I didn't recognize at the time, as the wards and building hadn't been built). I was in a private room, 2 people walked in, a male doctor and a female nurse, informing my mother she only has days to live due to cancer. At the time, I remember I was very dismissive, in denial, my ego (being a former atheist / nihilist) was saying things along the lines of "It's a lie, it's BS. I'm being manipulated, she won't get cancer". Unfortunately, I do not recall writing down the experience in my journal I had taken with me, then over the next few months and years, the vision was forced back into the deepest depths of my mind and almost forgotten.
Fast-forward to last month, my Beloved Mother
passed away in late August 2023 from metastatic cancer (sarcoma). It was very difficult to observe, after spending 6 months caring for her and spending her last days by her side being pumped with Midazolam and Fentanyl after she agreed to be put onto the "End of Life Care" protocol. I'm full of mixed emotions, plus upon my research away from mainstream narratives and the corrupt pharmaceutical industry, I believe what may have aggravated or caused the cancer to develop after her numerous boosters (
). What shocked me the most, is that the vision I had 5 years came true. I was horrified as I was in the hospital private room by her side, then the male doctor and female nurse walked in informing her of the impending doom, the memories of the vision from the ayahuasca ceremony flooded back into my consciousness mind and body, I stared out of the window in horror, I felt so wracked with guilt also, for not warning my mother earlier about her cancer, dismissing what I witnessed during the ayahuasca ceremony as woo-woo spiritual BS.
My mother was cremated last week, I bawled my eyes out and feel angry at myself, the guilt about ignoring the warning, this corrupt system and whether this event was all set in stone for my life journey. I don't know how to process this and speak about it openly to someone who understands, would speaking to a priest or a spiritual (shamanic) healer help in some way spiritually and mentally to process fully what has happened? Thanks for reading.
5 years ago in 2018, I attended a number of shamanic ayahuasca retreats. I had a pretty difficult time during some of them, it was far from idyllic, and I was going through "The Dark Night Of The Soul". During one ceremony, I had a vision I was in a local hospital (that I didn't recognize at the time, as the wards and building hadn't been built). I was in a private room, 2 people walked in, a male doctor and a female nurse, informing my mother she only has days to live due to cancer. At the time, I remember I was very dismissive, in denial, my ego (being a former atheist / nihilist) was saying things along the lines of "It's a lie, it's BS. I'm being manipulated, she won't get cancer". Unfortunately, I do not recall writing down the experience in my journal I had taken with me, then over the next few months and years, the vision was forced back into the deepest depths of my mind and almost forgotten.
Fast-forward to last month, my Beloved Mother
passed away in late August 2023 from metastatic cancer (sarcoma). It was very difficult to observe, after spending 6 months caring for her and spending her last days by her side being pumped with Midazolam and Fentanyl after she agreed to be put onto the "End of Life Care" protocol. I'm full of mixed emotions, plus upon my research away from mainstream narratives and the corrupt pharmaceutical industry, )My mother was cremated last week, I bawled my eyes out and feel angry at myself, the guilt about ignoring the warning, this corrupt system and whether this event was all set in stone for my life journey. I don't know how to process this and speak about it openly to someone who understands, would speaking to a priest or a spiritual (shamanic) healer help in some way spiritually and mentally to process fully what has happened? Thanks for reading.
