Possible to use opiates as prescribed only? history of abuse and chronic pain.

[LucidSDreamr]

This is my first time posting on TDS, but been on bl for a while. I am so frustrated with my inability to not abuse my opiates. I have chronic back pain for the past ten years and have had back surgery. The pain is pretty significant and limits my life greatly as far as not being able to do very much besides work.

Sometimes the pain has been so bad for months on end that i've been suicidal and required heavy opiates which probably prevented me from killing myself or drinking a 5th a day to escape exruciating pain. Basically I'm trying the say that the opiates are really needed and even if I were to get off of them the pain would eventually flare up so badly again like it always does that I would be forced to go back onto opiates.


I can't seem to respect the medicine though. I take more than prescribed and finish my scripts early most of the time. I often take more than I need for pain killing just out of depression and feeling hopeless and so upset about my back that I just say fuck it , "its not like i've got anything else to do or any other source of joy in life" I lost all of the things I did for fun when my back got horrible, so drugs were all that was left that brought me joy.

As everyone knows abusing opiates leads to more problems than good, withdrawals, severe anxiety from running out early, empty bank account, I've even overdosed and almost died. I can't seem to use the way I'm supposed to. I wish more than anything that I could, and sometimes I'm good for a while, even months...but the cycle always repeats itself.

Lately i've been thinking its hopeless and that maybe I should just try living with the pain and get off the opis. Its starting to see like this will be the only solution and that I'm just not capable of following the rules. But living with the full intensity of the pain seems like a horrible option too. I don't konw what to do and I'm sick of this cycle. I can't tell any doctors about this problem of course or I would lose my pain killers forever no matter how bad my back was or how many surgeries I have I wouldn't ever get help with pain again. So I don't even know who to ask for help

 

[Pilll_head]

My mom had severe back pain for almost 20 years from two herniated disks (which had been misdiagnosed). She was on percocet and when she started taking too much of it her doctor cut her off from the meds. She responded by trying to kill herself because the pain without medication was unbearable. We ended up having to put her in one of those half way houses for people with drug problems and she finally got off the meds and once it was properly diagnosed had surgery to correct the problem. Her life was so miserable, she was bedridden most of the time and almost impossible to deal with. So I totally identify with what you are going through. Trying to treat chronic pain adequately is so difficult sometimes.

 

[MadeInChicago]

I often take more than I need for pain killing just out of depression and feeling hopeless and so upset about my back that I just say fuck it , "its not like i've got anything else to do or any other source of joy in life" I lost all of the things I did for fun when my back got horrible, so drugs were all that was left that brought me joy.

Whether its true or not, you should never explicitly tell yourself fuck it it not like ur worth anything else but getting high thats not what you said but thats basically what u are saying/thinking. Which probably takes away any type of inhibition on ur drug use that was left.
I know how bad it is when the only thing that gives you joy is something insidious as opiate drugs. Which grasp u even tighter the more u dig in.

Just wanted to give u some words of advice, to change ur demeanor towards it. It matters more than u think. And do find another source of joy in life, if anything a partner I think would help u the most than any hobby since ur pain seems to possibly rule that out. Human interaction is a powerful thing, just ask my wd's lol. A loving woman can make all the difference.

 

[Tinker55]

Can you have a family member or friend "hold" your meds and dole out what you need everyday?

 

[withlove]

i am currently living this.

i have chronic pain and some medical issues that i wont get into.
i was addicted to dope for a few years and was clean (off dope, not booze and some various other drugs) for 10 or 11 years before i started needing to take pain meds.
i dont abuse my meds in so far as i never take more than i am prescribed and the ROA is always oral. i started out on dilaudid, than moved to morphine and now i am on percs.
i do enjoy them though and i do enjoy the buzz i get every so often. i also have sometimes taken them if my pain level isnt quite as high as it could be. But given everything I feel comfortable with this and even when i may take one i dont 100% need i still am within what is prescribed.
I think having had such a long time off opiates is what made this possible for me. i've been using them now in this way for 2.5 years or so.
my pain and my health is also very important to me and i know if i fuck this up it could result in a very messy situation.
in the very beginning when i became ill and started taking meds i talked about it a lot to those around me who knew my history, this was helpful.
i personally didnt get into it with my doctors because nothing good has ever come out of me telling a medical professional i haad a substance abuse issue. ever.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

She responded by trying to kill herself because the pain without medication was unbearable.

The majority of people in society I think believe that it is better for someone to die than to get high. This is what all of the actions of society point towards.

I don't understand why society is now doing everything to take away opiates and "SAVE" junkies from being high. What that tells me is: The only people that deserve to live are drug abusers without chronic pain....people with chronic pain (whether they abuse or not) need to die, healthy addicts lives are more important.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

if anything a partner I think would help u the most than any hobby since ur pain seems to possibly rule that out. Human interaction is a powerful thing, just ask my wd's lol. A loving woman can make all the difference.

I have an amazing girlfriend. (she live out of town tho) She is the only reason that I want to not be a drug addict. If I didn't have her I would have no problem being a full blown junkie....because I would litterally have nothing else to look forward to except pain.