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Porn or No Porn?

Listening

Listening

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 17, 2009
Messages
821
I tend to go through phases of watching porn semi-regularly and then deciding that I hate all porn and swearing off for several months, before the cycle repeats. Anyone else do this? Basically I can't decide if porn is a worthwhile thing in this life or not. Several unresolved questions that feed into this flip-flop:


- I feel particularly torn about watching porn where women are degraded since I do not wish to support such degradation. I do not think of myself as being sexist, and aspire to (and practically do) treat all people as equal regardless of race, sex, etc. Nevertheless, I get off on porn that degrades women. What gives? Can't be good for me to watch that stuff. Why do I like it?


- What about the actual women who perform? Part of me says that they have made their choice, so there's nothing wrong with supporting people making their own choices. Of course, choice is not made in a bubble and by watching/supporting that choice, I'm also enabling it. If I think that these women are lost, then I should be trying to help them, rather than exploiting them for my own pleasure. Then again, it is supremely presumptuous and condescending of me to suggest that they are lost. Maybe they are not lost. Maybe they have full control. Maybe I'm the one who is lost.


- How does it affect my real sex life? Sometimes it enhances my real sex life, and sometimes it serves as a substitute. Is this bad? At the very least it has an effect. My wife likes it when I dominate her. Sometimes. Probably it gives her relief from her normally controlling/narcissistic tendencies. However, I have some idealized notion of an equal and loving relationship where there is mutual respect and love, even in sex. I don't really have that. Not sure if that's changeable or if I should even try to change it.


- How does it affect my general horniness? I think the more I watch porn, the hornier I am in general, but it's a chicken-or-egg thing so I'm not positive. Some days, when I take a walk, I want to fuck pretty much every girl I see. To be clear, I do not act on said feelings and indeed treat everybody I meet respectfully, but I often feel the desire to fuck every girl I see. I suspect watching porn can bring this out, though I don't think it's the only cause. WTF do I do about such compulsions? Watch more porn, or less?


Maybe this is all moot. Our youngest is 4 months old and sleeps in our bedroom, so sex is less regular and available than it had been. I'm going to get a vasectomy. I think time will help with all this stuff, but the question remains: Porn or No Porn?
 
I love porn, but I watched this Documentary last night on Netflix called "Hot Girls Wanted" which is a deeper look into the amateur porn industry, and I am a little disgusted by porn right now. These girls have made choices (at 18 years old[think about how dumb you were at 18]), and I don't know, I'm really against it right now. Same boat as you.
 
I'm pro-porn. I'm anti-exploitation. Many people choose to be in it and love the money and freedom that comes from it. But anyone who is exploited and forced into it, well that is a terrible industry!
 
I used to love porn and now I just find it really boring. I guess because it only appeals to a small part of me while the rest is left out.
 
i don't like it personally. i watched the 'hot girls wanted' doco on netflix as well, the only genre of porn i had a vague affinity for was amateur, because there is a greater sense of realness to it, but now i just imagine that girls are getting used up by guys who pimp them out to the internet basically.

i have a bit of cognitive dissociation when it comes to it though, a switch just flips and then the next thing the website is open.
 
i stopped watching porn for a month a few months back. it generally sorted my head out in some aspects and i am sure it boosted my sexual performance. but i only had sex once through that time and maybe i was just on form for that night.
i now watch it but not as much as i used to. i used to watch it every morning, every night. it became quite a bad habit. the stuff i watched started turning quite sinister. i believe that when you watch porn a lot you start exploring that area and go deeper and deeper. i now only watch the normal stuff but i still, every now and then, watch something like face fucking. when im watching it though, i always notice that the girl clearly doesn't like it when it goes too deep. in the back of my mind im always skeptial towards the porn industry in that light. the question here is what's good porn, and what's bad? maybe it's all bad. who knows.
 
I think it's important to distinguish between fantasy and reality. It's extremely common to have sexual fantasies that are polar opposites of actual beliefs - people do at night what they protest against during the day. I'm both a feminist and a sadomasochist with rape fantasies and I don't see a contradition there. Of course I don't condone actual rape and abuse, but I do a lot of pretty violent role play, and the closer it is to reality without actually being real, the hotter it is.

I also watch a lot of porn where women are humilated and and that's where it starts getting complicated: I'd prefer those scenes to be convincingly acted, but since most porn actors aren't good actors (and it gets boring if looks like playing pretend) I probably get off on real discomfort and coerced pushing of limits more often than not. I do feel guilty for that. My vision isn't a world without porn though, but a sex positive world where porn can be a class in drama school, thus having really good actors, cutters, directors, etc. to be able to cater for the wildest fantasies without anyone actually being harmed. A girl can always dream ...
 
Porn is a like a tool . Its like a knife. You cant be pro or against a knife. People that are trying to be pro or against things are stupid people and they bring duality when its not even necessary. Like all the tools in the world, correct use and moderation is key. Probably watching more or less porn will not affect you that much, probably what you eat everyday has more control if you feel like fucking every girl or not. I don't know maybe some people get very effected by porn?? I dont feel like that.

Yes unfortunately some porn is really bad with girls being exploited. Well I guess if you think that then dont watch it and dont buy it. If people stop watching it and buying it this will stop. Most of the girls in the porn industry are said to do exactly like they are asked. It's a theater and most girls they just act along, it's not that bad for most girls most of the time.... And just to put it into perspective definitely not any worse than a heavy duty man job where you lift shit and you fuck your back or something, although its definitely different (psychological vs physical).

Girls like to get dominated and we like to dominate why do you think this is wrong ? This is why you kinda like degrading, degrading is a form of domination. Dominating someone and exploiting them are too different things. Degrading is like exploiting. Thats why you dont like degrading but you still watch it and kinda like it ( because there is domination but not exactly how you would like it depicted ) .

I am not really a big porn guy. For some reason I , personally, have a hard time finding beautiful cute girls that I like in porn and act like I like. Its much easier to go to a local bar and you most probably will find something much nicer. I really like masturbating with my mind, generally I think one of my recent hottest sex moments. For me if I masturbate too much then this works a bit negatively since sex feels less and less exciting the more you have masturbated that day. Generally my sex drive is very high and there arent many days where I dont have sex twice per day or masturbate...
 
No porn. When I did use porn it was always pretty soft and tame compared to what I know is out there! Very vanilla, preferred amateur stuff between couples or just regular fucking. Could never really handle anything beyond that.. for one I have trouble just taking some of that stuff seriously haha, like face fucking for example.. I can't get off to that, it just looks ridiculous!

I preferred to use the porn as a spark for my own imagination, so it tended to be light and simple stuff, just enough to get things rolling. Tended to get self conscious otherwise.. like I'd be thinking "I'm sitting here, beating off to this.. this is fucking ridiculous".

Find myself against porn now. Not for the women in it, but for the men who use it.
 
WannaBeSub said:
Thank you for sharing that link.... It really reasonated with me. I'm a bit on a sexual discovery path (I'm 35 and have been with my husband for 14y). Now I am questioning whether my new desires are real or have been kinda put in my mind because of exposure....
Click to expand...
The effects of porn exposure is a plague on society.
 
Porn makes masturbation even more pleasureful, and that's what it mostly is about. I never found my self unintrested irl girls because of the porn. Porn never caused me any problem. So my answer is...porn hands down.
 
bomber said:
Porn makes masturbation even more pleasureful, and that's what it mostly is about. I never found my self unintrested irl girls because of the porn. Porn never caused me any problem. So my answer is...porn hands down.
Click to expand...

Are you in a relationship?
 
The only time I watch porn is when I'm on a stimulant. It is like I can go months without only needing to have sex with my girl once a week and be satisfied but as soon as I get a stimulant going I turn really horny and open up a page of porn. When I was in my teens I could watch it more often but now I save it for special times.
 
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