Porn in relationships

[floatingaround]

I know this had been brought up a thousand times and I've tryed searching but the search takes you nowhere near the topic your looking for..

Anyway I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 8 months. Up until recently she made it aware that she hates porn even though she knows it's normal.

So she was finding a link to a video she wanted to watch the other day (while using my computer) and saw all the porn sites I had looked up on Saturday night.

shes saying because I watch porn that she sees me in a disgusting way, thinks I'd trade a pornstar girl for her and she also said she wouldn't be surprised if I was thinking about fucking other girls while we have sex. Forget any credibility I had with her, because she found these links she won't even talk to me/considering breaking up because she's too insecure(her words) about it.

I don't knows what to do or say. She says she will never tell me to stop watching porn because it's normal.. But that she can't be with someone who watches porn because she's insecure about it.. It's like I'm the one she's blaming for being insecure.

I love this girl, but Im having a really hard time trying to convince her otherwise or get anything reasonable out of her. And in honesty I don't think it's fair at all how she is going bout this.

So I'm looking for people's opinions on the matter and what they think about this situation because ATM I'm feeling huge amounts of guilt for something that's normal?

FA.

 

[Waffle Sock]

So she just started to think this suddenly after 8 months of dating? Seems like she may have known about this earlier but ignored it up until now which means this is the breaking point for her. To me, sounds like more of an insecurity issue on her part. She obviously feels threatened by your esteem of these unattainable sexual fantasy women. Why else would a girl find it polarizing if she finds porn on her bf laptop? Pretty normal imo. It's not like you're viewing it in front of her to spite/disrespect her. Looks like you're confronted with 3 options:
1 Lie to her... "baby i won't watch those icky porno women anymore because they make you feel bad and its all about you Im gonna change the things in my life that i like to please you"
2. Set an ultimatum: porn & me or nothing
... or the most sympathetic resolution would be to tell her how you feel about it. You say you think her reaction is unfair, so tell her this. Be blunt so there is no misinterpretation. If she's irrational about coming to terms with you, then i would let her let herself go. Just keep doing you. Don't change for other people especially if you are not the cause of negative energy.

 

[malakaix]

It's like I'm the one she's blaming for being insecure.

That's exactly what she's doing.

I hate these ultimatum situations, (It's me or the Porn) but where does it end? Will she use the same strategy the next time she doesn't want you doing something.. this is her issue, your not viewing it in front of her or attempting to bring those fantasies into your relationship.. or are you? I would give thought to what you do next, because it may determine the course of the relationship.. i would personally stand my ground on the issue, if her perceived image of you has changed simply because she saw your internet history and nothing else.. then its on her to sort her shit out.

 

[Bearlove]

y she made it aware that she hates porn even though she knows it's normal..

As both of you know - its normal. She hates it - she should stop watching it then ? You enjoy it, so you enjoy it without her (and stop her using your computer) - IF she has such a big issue / so insecure - that's her problem. I've walked in and found my partner watching port - my partner has also found be watching porn - its nothing.

 

[pofacedhoe]

she has lots of insecurities and this porn triggered it off.

dunno what to say? people dont often get over their insecurities easily

 

[BlueSaffron]

I see nothing wrong with porn. I'm not into it personally, but I know most guys are. I know someone whose wife thinks porn is CHEATING. Straight up cheating. Personally as long as it doesn't become an obsession or replace me, I don't mind. I think it's kind of sad, the idea of a man having to hide that part (or any part) of his sexuality from the one he's supposed to be closest to. I feel like it puts a little bit of a divide between two people..and where there's a little divide, it can grow bigger. Of course everyone is entitled to their feelings... I just don't understand it. It's images on a screen. Guys are much more visual than women are. Sex is just... different to guys than it is to girls.

 

[TacototheCloud]

I think it's kind of sad, the idea of a man having to hide that part (or any part) of his sexuality from the one he's supposed to be closest to. I feel like it puts a little bit of a divide between two people..and where there's a little divide, it can grow bigger.

I completely agree with this! Even if watching porn isn't all that important to you I think she should be able to accept it. That doesn't mean she has to like it or watch it with you. I think it is extremely unfair of her to react this way and I find her reaction a bit odd considering you said she "knows it's normal". Is it possible that she was looking for a way out of the relationship and this gave her the excuse she needed?

 

[Foreigner]

Sigh what's wrong with some women? The whole "you like porn girls better than me" is so tired. Why would any guy love a pixelated chick more than one he can actually have IRL sex with? It's a no-brainer.

Sometimes I'm glad I'm into guys. We watch porn all the time, sometimes together, and it goes without saying.

Women are weird.

 

[nuttynutskin]

I don't see it necessarily wrong that she has an issue with it, but the fact she won't even discuss it sounds like things were already rocky to begin with whether you knew it or not and she's just looking for an excuse. I don't really watch much porn anymore and probably wouldn't watch it at all if I was with my gf right now, but that's neither here nor there.

 

[421]

If I was a woman I wouldn't want a wanker either! Say hi to your gf from me.

 

[sailor bugg]

When I've had go's really I've had no need for porn, like what's the point of it if you can get the real thing? But I can see where she's coming from, perhaps she's insecure and you watching it makes her feel inadequate or maybe she doesn't like it because it objectifies women and sex? Who knows.

 

[Corazon]

and saw all the porn sites I had looked up on Saturday night.

Anything go down Saturday (other than your supply of lotion)?

Were you guys supposed to get together or something? Any passive-aggressive lingerings? (example: you were supposed to get together, she was with fam or tired from school and needed to sleep etc...,)?

Otherwise it just seems plain old manipulative of her to give you ultimatums over something like Porn. Everybody should have 1 or 2 pet peeves that they can unreasonably hate, but it sets a bad standard.