KattyKorner
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2022
- Messages
- 26
So, my girlfriend and I have been dating for two years now. There was never much straight talk about porn usage. I have used it during our relationship, but very little, like a handful of times a year. I was under the impression, from things she said, that she disliked porn, but it was a "don't talk to me about it, I don't like it, but im not saying you can't use it"
Well last night things changed. She got upset at something I said, which was just said at the perfectly worst time. I was trying to find a place, while driving ( I know, I'm terrible, I try not to do it) on gps. It was the vasectomy office, I was supposed to go give a sample to see if it worked. I had to plug it into the GPS, and was struggling to line up a tight time frame, and had just charged my phone. I said "good thing I charged my phone", thinking aloud about how it will take a bit of battery to figure out our tight timeframe between both of our appointments that day.
She took it to mean "good thing I charged my phone so I can look at porn at the vasectomy office" just the perfect, worst timing and thing to say. I truly did not mean "good thing it's charged so I can look at porn" tried to explain what and why I said in the moment, but she just refused to believe me, and now that's why I said it, no debate. So that's the context.
Anyway, she blew up last night, saying essentially that I brought other women into the relationship, through porn, that it made her feel disrespected and sort of having a lesser value. I see what she is saying about feeling disrespected, but the first part I'm a little unsure of how to feel, as it never seemed she mentioned she felt that strongly about porn. Like she was crying, almost wailing, and kept us up until I barely got two hours of sleep before work. That's how upset she was.
I don't know where to begin with this. On one hand, I totally understand her feeling like I chose other people over her, like she can't compete. On the other, I can't recall her once mentioning she felt this strongly about porn. Dislike, yes, maybe even strong dislike, but not to this degree, more like hatred of porn.
So I feel like this strong emotion came out of nowhere, and I'm still a bit upset over the recurring theme, unrelated, of her not being able to sleep when upset, and me being able to sleep anytime, then directly saying she holds that against me. I just get tired, and I can fall asleep. We are just built differently. Doesn't mean I'm not upset, I am able to sleep that's all.
My emotions are high on this matter currently, due to extreme tiredness, feeling like this blew up out of nowhere, and somewhat feeling like this is a bit of a disproproportionate response to how I've previously understood her to feel, granted I may be wrong.
Can anyone give advice, or thoughts? I'm fine with never using porn again, it's handling this situation with delicacy and appropriate levels of emotions that im struggling with, just due to confusion and tiredness.
Well last night things changed. She got upset at something I said, which was just said at the perfectly worst time. I was trying to find a place, while driving ( I know, I'm terrible, I try not to do it) on gps. It was the vasectomy office, I was supposed to go give a sample to see if it worked. I had to plug it into the GPS, and was struggling to line up a tight time frame, and had just charged my phone. I said "good thing I charged my phone", thinking aloud about how it will take a bit of battery to figure out our tight timeframe between both of our appointments that day.
She took it to mean "good thing I charged my phone so I can look at porn at the vasectomy office" just the perfect, worst timing and thing to say. I truly did not mean "good thing it's charged so I can look at porn" tried to explain what and why I said in the moment, but she just refused to believe me, and now that's why I said it, no debate. So that's the context.
Anyway, she blew up last night, saying essentially that I brought other women into the relationship, through porn, that it made her feel disrespected and sort of having a lesser value. I see what she is saying about feeling disrespected, but the first part I'm a little unsure of how to feel, as it never seemed she mentioned she felt that strongly about porn. Like she was crying, almost wailing, and kept us up until I barely got two hours of sleep before work. That's how upset she was.
I don't know where to begin with this. On one hand, I totally understand her feeling like I chose other people over her, like she can't compete. On the other, I can't recall her once mentioning she felt this strongly about porn. Dislike, yes, maybe even strong dislike, but not to this degree, more like hatred of porn.
So I feel like this strong emotion came out of nowhere, and I'm still a bit upset over the recurring theme, unrelated, of her not being able to sleep when upset, and me being able to sleep anytime, then directly saying she holds that against me. I just get tired, and I can fall asleep. We are just built differently. Doesn't mean I'm not upset, I am able to sleep that's all.
My emotions are high on this matter currently, due to extreme tiredness, feeling like this blew up out of nowhere, and somewhat feeling like this is a bit of a disproproportionate response to how I've previously understood her to feel, granted I may be wrong.
Can anyone give advice, or thoughts? I'm fine with never using porn again, it's handling this situation with delicacy and appropriate levels of emotions that im struggling with, just due to confusion and tiredness.
