Stimulants plz give me your opinions and advice

[lovewillsetufree]

Hi guys I not too sure where to post this because i want some advice from anybody who is willing to listen to this crazy young man. experienced people with some spare time, or those like american old age hippies could u seriously read this?
What I am about to write is probably going to be very boring, many of you all will think this is nonsense, or whatever but I feel like I must write the full info so that those who want to help will be able to understand and help completely. This is a drug forum so i know there will be those with symphathy because even this might be simple to you all but for me it is very fucked up i just want some help.

cat has issues. cats father used to beat him everyday for stupid reasons for example cat still remembers the time when he was given 8 lashes from the belt when he was 11 yrs old because cat borrowed his friends jacket. cat also used to see his father beat his mother with fists for stupid reasons also, like one time my mother was on the phone with her sister and my father went and beat her until she was bleeding. no explaination nothing. cat thinks this affected his soul and maybe thats why he has issues and fucked up problems. cat since a small boy has been extremely shy, has had very low self esteem, has a hard time becoming close with ppl(he will on purpose do things to distance himself from others he only wants to be someones aquaintance, not their friend), cat just wants to be like a ghost.

this kind of shit torture happened until cat turned 16. cat met some new people who smoked weed. Once cat started smoking weed, cats life changed. previously he used to be very depressed. he just never felt happy. because cat would maybe hang out with some friends but he would never feel happy around them. he would play video games but still feel very frustrated,agitated. cat would laugh but he knows its not his laugh because cat remembers the 2 or 3 times he actually laughed. he would get randomly get this feeling of crying his heart out

Cat at this point thinks the world of drugs is amazing, becos weed is letting him look past the bullshit, focus on good things, and makes life enjoyable. what cat loved the most about drugs is that he made new friends, had relationships with actual love. after taking drugs cat found it possible to connect with ppl and actually have real friends. he didnt feel like crying evryday or hiding from anybody anymore. now fast forward...

5 months ago some fucked up shit happened to cat that he still cannot really get over. his sister died, then almost 2 weeks later his mother was diagnosed with serious tb, she is very sick. cats father is still the same unsupportive abusive man. now cat feels like very fucked. cat has been working ever since he was 17 but when he turned 18 which was 9 months ago he started doing two jobs. cat soon enough started to feel drained. what started to annoy cat was that he can feel that he is going back to being depressed. for the past 3 almost 4 months now, cat just feels very fatigued. cat will sleep for 8hrs but still wake up and hv no energy, even going to go meet some friends have me walking like a zombie on some days. cat feels like crying on certain days now, but the fucked up thing is he cannot. cat doesnt talk to much ppl anymore, he will talk abit with his old friends but thats it. no more interest in meeting new ppl or getting a new girlfriend. cat just feels like shit and on certain days he wants to die. cat just wants to get high, because he feels a bit alive when he is high and he forgets about everything. but weed is like nothing to cat anymore. cat would get high, be happy for a short amount of time, then go back to feeling this depression. what cat actually wanted was that he doesnt want to be high to be happy, he thought weed would "cure" him like when he was 16. he thought weed will help to gv back confidence, positivity, energy, things tht normal ppl hv.

cat was feeling fucked, like fucked to the max. weed was not helping, becuz he couldnt forget his problems and his thoughts still kept coming to him. and weed high was not giving him that positive energy he wanted. cat started taking other drugs. he just wanted to be high. so cat tried all the pharms, then found a drums hook up and started taking that. i think many of u all live in western countries so u all dont know what drums is but basically drum is heroin mixed with tobacco. it is quite popular here actually because we dont get the full effect of heroin but we also dont get the full effect of withdrawal.cat still didnt feel better because none of his symptoms were going away and he still felt just as depressed when the high went away. so for a while cat just spent days taking drums, but then cat realized cat is a junkie now. becos when cat took his drums he felt good, but now he had to take more. cats money is already short and the situation just got really fucked. all cat thought about for 2 weeks was buying and smoking drums when he was sober. nothing else. cat believes in god so cat prayed and prayed. cat cant take this anymore, he wants to go back to feeling normal, he doesnt wanna be hooked to anything and he doesnt wanna be depressed. but this depression is killing him and cat thinks his only option is drugs. now correct me here if i am wrong, but cat thinks drugs can help ppl, can even save ppl. the reason cat thinks this is because for 2 yrs he was completely normal despite all the fucked up shit that happened because weed helped keep his mind and soul healthy.

now u guys know my story leading up to what i want to say now. and this what like the best thing happened but i am already too scared and i just want advice plz i am tired of living life like shit and i dont want to make it more shit.

a friend of mine managed to get some meth. i decided to smoke with him becos i just wanted to be high. it felt fucking amazing. i felt this sense of happiness and wellbeing that i never felt for a long time, and let me explain why. when i was on meth i felt my old life come back to me. this wasnt just plain euphoria or sedation like i had been going through, i was acting like how i used to act before i got this depression.i was conversing with ppl just like i used to, i was msging friends i havent talked to in ages, i even regained my ability to talk to girls on the street. it all felt so natural. after having no energy for 5 months, the energy that meth gave me felt like a touch from god. i hv heard tht meth makes ppl go hyper, paranoid, and shit like that but i felt like the complete opposite. i was so relaxed, i felt very happy at some of the small things i hv like the friends i was with. and the thoughts that used to make me feel fucking suicidal, i was suddenly finding solutions for them. i was feeling this lvl of confidence that i havent felt in so long. i was so happy becos i felt like eh my life is back, this is how i used to be, and now i am back at it again.

cat is a noob. cat doesnt know anything about meth. cat took meth at 10pm. now is 7:30am. cat still has this slight feeling of belonging and confidence that he so desperately needs. cat still feels like yes he actually does have a place in this world. but cat has never seen his eyes so big, they are really fucking big. and i guess this is part of the down? but what else can cat expect from his down? cat will later work night shift, starting at 7pm. what should cat expect? what should he be ready for? cat also feels like smoking more meth, but so far this craving is not intense or anything. it is more like the craving of pussy after having good sex the other day. will this craving get worse? cat still has energy, and this is confusing cat because it doesnt feel like this energy is going away soon. When will this energy go away? when it goes away how bad will the fatigue be? I am used to feeling tired all the time but im scared as to how this will feel. cat just realized also that he has been sitting infront his computer since 3am, he started writing this at estimation of 430am, and now the time is 750am. cat hasnt even felt like eating or drinking, although cats last meal was a sandwich yesterday at 11am. this is normal i guess? but here is what cat would rly like to know

1) meth felt like the drug i needed. it was giving me everything that was missing from me for so long: energy and confidence. these two things made me feel happy but more importantly made me feel normal. the thing is i dont know how i will feel later, so is meth really what i need?
2) i hear meth is very addictive. is it possible to take meth recreationally? if so what rules and tips are there?
3)can meth cure my depression? this is really all i want to know. I am sick and tired of being always tired, always in like a blank mood, i am sick of not feeling alive. really i dont feel alive i just wait for time to pass.
4) I dunno what the meth down is like, what should i hv or do to help me

I was high when i wrote this and still am a bit high so maybe alot of shit will not make sense or will sound stupid. but i hope to get some advice and opinion from u all. thanks.

 

[snazzy_sn]

1.) Possibly, experiment more. See how your comedowns feel. Don't drink more booze.
2.) Yes, and yes. Post more shit as you go.
3.) Possibly.
4.) Teh fuck is hv?

Meth induced rants are fucking awesome. PM me if you want.

 

[tricomb]

Please clean up your post if you want people to respond to this.

 

[lovewillsetufree]

ok i have searched the web and there are so many mixed answers. even the things i was feeling when i was high dont match the shit i see online. from 830am so that means 10.5hrs after i took the meth my hands were red and blue whenever i looked at them. my arms looked skinny as fuck, but my hands were giant. nobody is describing anything similar to this online.
also after i finished my first post and put on some music i would sometimes see flashes of green across my room.
i decided to jack off at i think around 9 and my dick was a dark shade of purple. maybe u guys know what i am talking about????

now the time is 11:26 am. euphoria slowly started going away from about 3 and at around 8 i wasnt feeling any at all, i am ignoring my txt msgs once again (the love that i had especially at 3-4am is totally gone), things dont seem sharp anymore. but i still have more energy than when i am sober. i also took a nap at 1030 i woke up at 1100. i thought meth had u feeling like u cant sleep at all??? i closed my eyes and was able to doze off for a bit. it has been more than 12hrs since i took my meth (the dosage btw was 0.4 shared with 3 ppl) and i havent felt one bit of paranoia, trembling, sweating or any of that shit. i also dont feel down and depressed (and to me this is amazing because if i was sober i would be ripping my hair out right now, and i expected the meth comedown to make it worse). i am also not craving meth - i want to feel how i felt the first 2 hrs again but thats only if i think about that moment.

as a pothead i would say drugs affect everyone differently, but since this is hard drugs i dont know.. I am planning to buy some meth on friday. so that means i will be taking meth 3 days after my first time .. is this dangerous???

 

[rhun]

Have you considered getting some professional help? There's legitimate medication out there that can do wonders combined with therapy for the abuse you went through in the past. If you can't afford it, there's usually programs out there that help those in need regardless of what country you're in.

The problem with meth, heroin, and all drugs really is when we use them daily to self medicate they absolutely will stop working eventually. But before they stop working you'll usually find yourself doing them daily, doing them in huge amounts, and possibly addicted. Because meth and heroin are both extremely addictive and more so when we start using them while in a vulnerable state.

Meth especially, as you're experiencing to a small degree now, is really toxic to your body and really harmful both in the short and long term. You've only done a small amount so the comedown and side effects are reduced but still present. You relief you felt was no doubt from the euphoria experienced from meth use but that's really the first thing to go as you become tolerant to the drug.

I've battled the symptoms of depression my entire life and abused meth for two years before moving into opiates (primarily heroin) for another 5. Depression was crippling but addiction was 10x worse. What I've learned from my own struggle is that as much as I wanted drugs to be the cure, they were at best a temporary band-aid. Remember that you're young, like I was, and there are so many more options to try for your depression than you can even think of right now. But addiction we carry throughout our lives and many never overcome it.

Wishing you all the best and that you find the answer you're looking for.

 

[theedeadmau5]

no, meth will not cure your depression, hell anti-depressants don't cure it either lol, everything just masks it. think of a drug high as a facade, it's a temporary mask we put on to block out the bad things, but at the end of the day it's still there waiting for the comedown to show its ugly face again.

the addiction(cravings, paranoia, scratching, tolerence, fatigue) will come with continued use, so since it's the first time you've used it's normal you aren't feeling this on the comedown. but a couple of weeks of continued use will generate addiction, in turn generating a much quicker onset of withdrawal.

as for the different colors you were seeing, it sounds like you smoked some low quality shit, probably filled with too much or too little of a certain chemical making it impure.

i feel like you could find other ways to combat your depression other than jumping straight into smoking meth, like therapy or some strong anti-depressants. i mean you could honestly give tramadol a shot. it's labeled as a synthetic opioid, but it shows its true colors with its effects on the serotonin levels in your brain, just like an snri.

good luck buddy

 

[VitamaN]

your therapeutic response was due to a blast of dopamine , if you want to consider a much safer yet less intense treatment you might want to talk to a shrink about getting on wellbutrin .