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Please Help

Chris Timothy

Chris Timothy

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 8, 2011
Messages
1,470
I need so much help, I probably really should reach out.

I need it in so many ways, but I feel unloved deep inside, so I figure stuff out on my own all the time. But I've headed in three situations in which I almost died in a shockingly small time frame, and I've come to feel like some sort of slave out of control, and I think this must stop.

Nothing works out sexually. Nothing works out financially. I have no hopes, I have no dreams.

Currently I'm fine and I'm in harmony with the Universe, but I don't know where future power is gonna come from. Some money comes in, and together with food it keeps me alive, but heritage has been halved now and I'm bleeding to death with no plan nor plan to get into a state to make a plan. I'm very traumatized and afraid and can't trust anyone, but maybe I'll take advice in this thread here, I hope you'll understand.

Love & Death,
CT

P.S.: oh shit I have the amanita, totally forgot.. got a 420mg stash.. whoops..
 
In an insane attempt to ideotypically shed light on the situation I bought a vintage globe lamp on ebay. I knew I didn't know what I was doing with it, but still happened to be dissociated while unpacking and plugged it in. It shone for a sec and then went off. All electricity gone. I don't know whether I've broken the thing or not, and don't know how to test. The plug looks like it's from another time in history, so that probably explains something. But how to go from here I don't know. Best idea I had was getting NASA involved, so there's my sanity on the table for all of you to evaluate. It's a pretty lamp though, looks exactly like the avatar on the left.
 
Hahah, at least they still have some kind of use in invoking a certain kind of ambience without giving light.
 
Good lamps are important, they can't be too harsh, need to be well positioned and while color isn't everything (I can appreciate a range of yellows in lamps) it's probably the most important lamp property. Straight up looks are also important.

It's best when you can shut off the main lighting and turn on some nice looking lamps and just go about as if it were normal, and there's always the possibility to change things up by not turning 'em all on at once etc... I like lamps, I don't know much about interior decorating but I'd guess lighting would be one of the main subjects of a student's curriculum.
 
I feel bad about talking about lamps on such a serious post.
I really hope you can find what you're looking for man, seriously. You're a strange ass dude Chris Timothy and while I'll probably never understand you, I do appreciate you. Might sound empty but it came straight from the (mescaline) heart.
 
No this is exactly the vibe I'm reaching out for. There's been a cascade effect of things working out just perfectly and this thread is part of it. I just wonder whether it's insane at all to email NASA's Bruce Damer about how to fix my precious lamp! Shit's so silly..
 
You belong to us, we belong to you, and that's all there is to it. ♥

We need you, and we love you.
 
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Hope you're doing better since you posted this Chris Timothy! :) Just remember all is ultimately illusion and temporary, and any feelings of being unloved, hopeless, dreamless, are illusory no matter how real they might feel in the moment.

The moment is itself an abstraction of a greater reality in which love, hope and dreams exist for you in abundance. I know it's hard at times to keep this in mind, and to keep fighting against the illusion, but your immaterial essence is an unquenchable flame, flickering in the winds of eternity - sometimes the winds might get so intense you fear the flame will be extinguished - but this too is illusion.

Hang in there man, I'm sure things will get better soon. 😊 Feel free to reach out if you want to talk about anything of course - or if you want any less ethereal advice. ;)
 
It's going to be alright Chris Timothy. Most things work out in due time, even if it don't look like it will. Gotta hang in there Bro.

We will always be here for you when in need ❤
 
You just need to find a ‘point’ to keep going man.
I know, easier said than done but I think most of us here have been there.

Anything, no matter how small.
A reason to stay.
Even when life throws you a million reasons not to. There’s always one to stay.

Thinking of you x
 
I love your posts mate, hoping you find some balance soon. if you need dire help, their is a better place to post in BL, i am guessing ypu know this but its called the dark side. You will get quick helpful responses, as opposed to what you may get in a psychedelic part of BL.
 
Hey man. I'm also having a really hard time. Reading your posts here I feel less alone, and wonder why it is that so many of us are having difficulties right now. I know I feel ok, and then in the bottom of a hole, and then ok again, and then I forget that the hole exists, and then I'm back again. And on and on. I don't know what needs to shift for me, and I don't know what needs to shift for you, but I hope that shift does, in fact, happen ;)
 
Se
psy997 said:
Hey man. I'm also having a really hard time. Reading your posts here I feel less alone, and wonder why it is that so many of us are having difficulties right now. I know I feel ok, and then in the bottom of a hole, and then ok again, and then I forget that the hole exists, and then I'm back again. And on and on. I don't know what needs to shift for me, and I don't know what needs to shift for you, but I hope that shift does, in fact, happen ;)
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Sending healing thoughts your way x
 
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