Please help after Invega, Zuclopenthizol and Aripriprazole.

[Pretty Green]

Hello, I am 35 years old. September last year (8 months ago) I called an ambulance as I wasn't sleeping with mania. When I got to the hospital where I thought I would only be sedated to sleep... they gave me risperidone and valium. I couldn't sleep still and they forced me a shot of an antipsychotic that really warped me and put me in the locked ward. I was not agressive.. just singing. I have been singing since I was a little girl to help me through hard times and it was my happy place. They kept me there for a week or two giving me aripriprazole pills and transferred me to a hospital closer to my home. One night I forgot to lock my door and I had a man come into my room and was watching me sleep. I screamed and panicked and they gave me two shots one that afternoon and the other one I think the day after. I have never been the same. No hunger cues, thirst cues, full cues, emotions... I am a zombie now when I used to be so creative and full of soul and life. It's been seven months now after being in hospital from September to the end of October. I feel robbed of my soul and a total disconnect. I am fearful all the time that I won't get better to how I used to be but trying to stay positive. This drug is not even FDA approved for Bipolar. Please help. I am so scared and it feels so isolating. It's torture. I really hope I heal. I feel for everyone on this forum. I wasn't going to come on here as all this research is kind of doing my head in. I was studying, working and creating art and music everyday and now it's difficult to even go for a walk or do any of my favourite things that I used to do. I am in Australia and once I am better am going to look into a class action as it is not right for these monsters to inflict this poison on us. I don't even know the mg's they gave me with all three drugs just know that when I have had a manic episode in the past - lithium helped. This time around they were relentless and now my emotions are all hijacked and it's like being in a mental solitary confinement. I miss weed. I can't even have it anymore as I get paranoid. I wasn't suicidal before these disgusting shots. It goes against my Buddhist philosophy. PLEASE HELP. thank you.