PeterPoppa
Bluelighter
Yesterday a terrible tragedy rocked Madison, WI.
An unidentified homeless man was found in an alley, partially eaten.
Some of the flesh on his arms, face, and torso had been gnawed away.
Upon inspection of the crime scene, Special Agent James Hardaway
discovered a glowstick lying on the ground next to the dead man.
Also, there was glitter found on the clothes of the vagrant.
Special Agent Hardaway immediately made the connection.
"It was obvious to me that this was the work of 'ravers'
. These drug addled teenagers spend their days in a drug induced stupor,
only to leave the sanctity of their homes to dance at illegal parties
all through the night. They take drugs and have unprotected sex,
and when they start coming down from the dope,
they search the streets for their next fix. Often,
if they are unable to locate more drugs, they become extremely violent.
The drug they seem to levitate toward is 'ecstasy'.
They spend hours massaging and hugging each other, and when the high ends,
they are left angry, and often take it out on poor homeless people."
Hardaway explained that the ravers found the homeless man,
and woke him up by kicking him several times. When he woke up,
one of the ravers stabbed him in the neck with a sharpened glow stick.
As the poor man bled to death, they danced around his body.
Their dancing caused a shower of glitter, which descended upon the man.
The glitter landed in a pool of the man's blood, causing it to sparkle in the moonlight.
"It was quite an ironic sight" commented Hardaway.
"Glitter is usually equated with happy times, like weddings,
and birthday parties for small children.
These ravers have made it into a sign of death and destruction."
After the homeless man breathed his last breath,
the ravers began gnawing on his flesh.
The Madison police department has started a task force
to deal with the violent raver population called "P.L.U.R."
which stands for "Police Lockdown of Unethical Raves".
These elite police officers infiltrate the rave scene,
in an attempt to uncover their inner structure so they can tear it down.
"We are tired of living in fear of these ravers" said Hardaway.
"They have kept us living in fear for long enough. Their tyranny must be stopped.
They dress up to look like harmless children, but their looks are deceiving.
These teens are a menace and must be stopped."
Hardaway and his elite task force are to be commended on their efforts.
"We do this to keep our children safe. At the end of the day,
our best reward is the looks on our family's faces,
and the encouraging nods we get from the citizens of the great city of Madison.
We do it for the nod."
If you would like to contribute funds to P.L.U.R.
and help end the death grip ravers have on our society,
please contact the Madison Police Department.
"Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals"
Lindsay Anderson
An unidentified homeless man was found in an alley, partially eaten.
Some of the flesh on his arms, face, and torso had been gnawed away.
Upon inspection of the crime scene, Special Agent James Hardaway
discovered a glowstick lying on the ground next to the dead man.
Also, there was glitter found on the clothes of the vagrant.
Special Agent Hardaway immediately made the connection.
"It was obvious to me that this was the work of 'ravers'
. These drug addled teenagers spend their days in a drug induced stupor,
only to leave the sanctity of their homes to dance at illegal parties
all through the night. They take drugs and have unprotected sex,
and when they start coming down from the dope,
they search the streets for their next fix. Often,
if they are unable to locate more drugs, they become extremely violent.
The drug they seem to levitate toward is 'ecstasy'.
They spend hours massaging and hugging each other, and when the high ends,
they are left angry, and often take it out on poor homeless people."
Hardaway explained that the ravers found the homeless man,
and woke him up by kicking him several times. When he woke up,
one of the ravers stabbed him in the neck with a sharpened glow stick.
As the poor man bled to death, they danced around his body.
Their dancing caused a shower of glitter, which descended upon the man.
The glitter landed in a pool of the man's blood, causing it to sparkle in the moonlight.
"It was quite an ironic sight" commented Hardaway.
"Glitter is usually equated with happy times, like weddings,
and birthday parties for small children.
These ravers have made it into a sign of death and destruction."
After the homeless man breathed his last breath,
the ravers began gnawing on his flesh.
The Madison police department has started a task force
to deal with the violent raver population called "P.L.U.R."
which stands for "Police Lockdown of Unethical Raves".
These elite police officers infiltrate the rave scene,
in an attempt to uncover their inner structure so they can tear it down.
"We are tired of living in fear of these ravers" said Hardaway.
"They have kept us living in fear for long enough. Their tyranny must be stopped.
They dress up to look like harmless children, but their looks are deceiving.
These teens are a menace and must be stopped."
Hardaway and his elite task force are to be commended on their efforts.
"We do this to keep our children safe. At the end of the day,
our best reward is the looks on our family's faces,
and the encouraging nods we get from the citizens of the great city of Madison.
We do it for the nod."
If you would like to contribute funds to P.L.U.R.
and help end the death grip ravers have on our society,
please contact the Madison Police Department.
"Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals"
Lindsay Anderson
