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overdose #4

Ds

Ds

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Apr 26, 2006
Messages
31,971
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God's Country
Friday night, buddy and I inhaled "MDPV" about have a gram a piece. felt food
My heart was racing about 5 hours into it, me and some of the cats here drove him to Bradford(rehab), my hearts racing super fast so the nurse wanted to check my heart rate. so my heart was racing fast like 10x above normal, so i went to the hospital. the nurses and doctors dont know really how to treat it, they ended up giving me over 10mg ativan IV and still my heart rate wouldnt go down. staid in t EMICU for a day, was released last night, i still had some mdpv left so i did some, and the staff searched my room and found it, so I hate it. here i am i just got out of the hospital and doing more,
I'm fucking hurting, I wanna be sober, but the fucking drugs. I know what to do. I just have to do it(work the steps).

I'm still wanting to do more, but theres none to do. I want more of it.

thanks
OD for talking to me last night man i love you.

d
 
so are they letting you stay in rehab even though they found it? peevee can be one hell of a monkey
 
Sounds like a rough time, hope you are feeling better. I don't fully understand, are you staying in a rehab center right now? You mentioned somebody searching your room. And what step are you currently trying to work on?
 
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Sorry to hear your going through this D's.:(
You seem like someone who is desperately trying to grasp sobriety...All I can think of to help is to say it out genuinely at a meeting, get any guilt etc out of you so that you can move on from it and not let it take up your head space the way it is.
These things seem to loop people back in once they cross the line, dissociating yourself from it, by calling it out and all the actions that led up to it is pretty powerfull in dismantling the craving.
Question: Who's the buddy...why are you keeping people around who you can use to use?
 
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as far as i know they are letting me stay here. don't know 100% sure. I'm still here. Im guessing that they are going to have a staff meeeting.
i'm already on contract, like 9:30pm curfew, pee test's,no drugs. and i already broke that contract. I got 24 hours of A list which I might do now.

I just still feel really guilty over it still. fucked up

the buddy was my room mate, he orderd the shit off line for use to use, and we did and since i was his friend i took him to bradford, we both got chkd but the nurses and both went to the ER.
 
Guilt is useless, unless you can do something with it: namely, avoiding re-creating it!
Use it to reform your strength in what you can do now that is going to be constructive for you. I know it's hard for you but feeling this way can work in your favour...take things easy for the time being, let yourself get over the physical/mental shit and be gentle with yourself.
You'll have plenty of oppertunity to be tough with yourself anon, when you have to face your 'demon', then use the guilt to fuel your strength. <3
 
^ completely agree - I wallowed in my guilt for years - I am no perfect person , far from it. But when I fuck up I will man up and admit that it's a disease I will always fight. Im blessed to have support. We all are if you open on here - if I can find support n help on TDS I truly believe anyone can.... I am a very reserved person and over the past year I've changed drastically.
 
Hi D's

I don't have much to add but I do wish you the best with your recovery. You've had a setback but I'm sure you will learn from it. All the best.
 
D's,

I had a go with MDPV when it was still legal. I didn't have any close calls with it, but I will say without ambiguity that it is a very bad drug. Half a gram is a lot, man, that would have landed anyone in the hospital.

I really hope this never happens to you again and that you are able to regain control over your addictive tendencies long-term.
 
Oh D's, I'm glad to hear that you pulled through.

I don't have any other advice, other than listen to OD. Be well, and please take care of yourself.

:)
 
Sorry to be 'lecturey', but this is the largest dose of MDPV I've heard of anyone taking (it's potent). Additional drug use of this sort will kill you.

Andy
 
well shit sucks now,
had to tell my mom that i went to the hospital a few days ago, and she was pissd. and now she's fucking super pissd.
we were woring so good togehter.. till this shit, and now its like she wont talk to me.
everyone in my family isn't talking to me. i'm feeling reallllly low right now. shit sucks.
 
Same here D's. My mom is ignoring me because she does not believe I am committed to treatment. I tried to tell her I have been sober for 2 days and she does not believe me.

Shit Sucks.

glad you are ok man
 
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^
They will talk to you again D's...their just worried about whether they can trust you to look after yourself because they care about you
Dont mean to be harsh but maybe this is the kick up the Ass that you need to help you out?
Look at the reality of it for your family, they are frightened for your welfare...they are worried about you...
The main thing is that you are okay and by the sounds of it that dose was lethal!!
This will pass and you will feel better but whats important is that you are taking care of yourself now, at this moment
 
Oh Drew, I only just read this. Man I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through in the last few days. I am SO glad you came through it okay though! <3
Your mum will be okay, just give her some time. PM me if you want to talk okay? Take care of yourself man <3
 
You'll be able to mend that bridge someday. She probably feels a bit betrayed; you may need to work a bit to get that trust back. But first things first: get things sorted with yourself.
 
Are they [rehab] are going to let you keep staying there? That would be great if they do but sometimes they will kick people out for far less bullshit. At least it was your roommate that ordered it and not you I suppose. Crazy situation I could imagine. Glad to see you made out, increased panic-y heart rates suck and a huge reason I avoid uppers. Not to mention some MDVP stuff isn't that stuff called super crack sometimes. No way jose, couldnt handle it. Although in front of my face is another story and tends to be much harder so I try to stay out of situations like that. I would try to avoid those situations but your in rehab and that shit does happen all the time. Stay strong.

peace.
seedless
 
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