Overcoming heart related anxiety

[AnanasBannana]

Hi all,

(Trigger warning - I want to continue using drugs)

About nine months ago I had an MDMA overdose that resulted in serotonin syndrome.

Ever since then, I've become FIXATED on my cardiac and respiratory health.

This ranges from checking my blood pressure 10+ times a day, to having a sore throat and worrying that my throat will close up.

It's the one thing that's stopping me from doing a high dose lsd trip - some part of me thinks the vasoconstriction will kill me (it won't)

When I'm on any drugs, I think at some point they'll kill me (even last time I smoked weed I thought I might have a heart attack).

I'm totally healthy too, BTW. Gotten checked a few times.

Any advice?

 

[herbavore]

Try both/either CBT or Mindfulness. Strengthen your rational mind and talk back to the anxiety with grounded reason.

But I have to ask, what's the draw for the altered state of consciousness is the state of paranoia you are describing? It never ceases to amaze me the way people weigh their drug experiences with the often debilitating negatives being endured for the sake of some temporary blip of a positive. I think that maybe one part of your mind is calling for a re-set! Maybe take a very long break and work on the symptoms you are experiencing.

You don't have to say you will never use drugs again but saying you are taking a long enough break to heal this may be the best thing you could do for yourself right now.

 

[AnanasBannana]

Try both/either CBT or Mindfulness. Strengthen your rational mind and talk back to the anxiety with grounded reason.

But I have to ask, what's the draw for the altered state of consciousness is the state of paranoia you are describing? It never ceases to amaze me the way people weigh their drug experiences with the often debilitating negatives being endured for the sake of some temporary blip of a positive. I think that maybe one part of your mind is calling for a re-set! Maybe take a very long break and work on the symptoms you are experiencing.

You don't have to say you will never use drugs again but saying you are taking a long enough break to heal this may be the best thing you could do for yourself right now.

I don't think drugs are really the issue - and I certainly don't have a problem beyond experimentation.

I thought, at that moment, that death was certain and I felt my heart explode in my chest (seriously, this was an absurd amount of mdma)

I somehow rationalise my paranoia which makes mindfulness challenging.

I haven't taken stims or mdma since nor do I really plan to.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

 

[Moreaux]

Hi AnanasBannana -

This does sound psychological, and I agree with herbavore on everything - mindfulness/CBT would help a lot in this instance. However, why persue something recreationally that gives you anxiety and makes you feel like you're dying? I am not understanding why you are still interested in using when it does not feel good. I suffer from anxiety and tend to avoid anything which triggers it, and it's a battle as I have to function in life so many times I have to suck it up and work through the anxiety. However, if a recreational activity was causing stress I would stop participating in the activity, so I honestly cannot relate to why you want to continue to use - honest question - why do you want to still use?

Definately look into CBT, and I would start off with very low doses to see if you can work through the anxiety and build from there. I suspect certain drugs may just be off the table for you at this point as I am not certain you can get beyond those feelings. On the other hand, it may be a healing/time issue, and you can go back to some substances in the future. I know I have absolutely over done it with coke at certain points in my life and have had to take long breaks, and there are some drugs I just can't go back to ever as I no longer tolerate them and the experience is just to unpleasant.

I sincerely hope you're able to overcome this - good luck!

 

[Raysu]

What do you believe strengthens your heart and lungs without compromising them? Swimming? Jogging? Yoga? Something else? What do you suppose would happen when the fear and compulsion to use your BP device was replaced with anger towards its pull, you verbally tell it you don't need it, and you go immediately into doing what you believe is positive for your health? I've tried this tactic before and overcome episodes that would have kept me down at times. The payoff is confidence in oneself and the ability to heal from within the self, and whatever benefits the new activity has to offer (flexibility, balance, calmly breathing, stronger muscles, etc.)

 

[Ziiirp]

@ OP I had the same problem for a while after stimulant abuse. I would advise, to not take any stim (not even caffeine) for a while and start with very light cardio training. Like riding the bike. You can also buy a mobile pulse measurement device to make sure, it stays in the healthy range.

 

[LadyHeroinxo]

I totally understand. A few years ago, I started abusing amphetamine and MAMA along with many other drugs. I was shooting up speed nearly every day for months and as time went on, my anxiety was getting worse and worse. I was constantly worried and freaking out about my heart and dying from a heart attack or heart failure. I would check my heart rate probably over 15x a day and be obsessed with my BP. Then I started to constantly feel my heart beating through my chest which made me super anxious. I couldn't sleep because of it and I felt so certain that my heart was damaged. I thought my heart was beating way too hard (cause I always felt it) and because I was always focused on it, my anxiety got even worse. I refused to exert myself, I would get panic attacks, I would get palpitations and now I know it was caused by anxiety but during that time I just thought my heart was fucked. So it was a vicious cycle of anxiety and symptoms from anxiety but I thought it was just something wrong with my heart so more anxiety and so on and so forth.

I realized it was all in my head and I was driving myself crazy. I stopped using any stimulants COMPLETELY. I didn't even smoke weed because that caused an increase in my heart rate which caused anxiety/paranoia. I had great support from my husband, I visited the doctor to ensure myself that my heart was fine and I was healthy, I slowly began to do things that had previously made me anxious and I kept reminding myself that I was fine and it was all in my head.

It's been about 3 years since this all began and today I am doing SO much better. I won't lie though, I still get anxious about it and still avoid stimulants and any drugs that would cause anxiety (sadly, it's quite a few Lol). But now I have Bo problem sleeping, exerting myself, I no longer experience panic attacks about it and I understand that I am physically healthy and it's all mental. I am not cured, but it no longer seriously negatively impacts my life.

So, my suggestion is to stay clear of any drugs that would increase your symptoms and/or anxiety. That doesn't mean you can't do other drugs unless they all increase your anxiety and/or symptoms. For me, I still heavily abused opiates, benzos and other downers. As a matter of fact, opiates and benzos actually made me feel as though they "helped my heart". I know obviously they didn't, they just covered up my symptoms (increased heart rate, feeling my heart, etc) and decreased my anxiety. This doesn't mean I suggest you abuse opiates or benzos to help you cause let's be real, that's pretty stupid. I'm just telling you my honest experience and letting you know this doesn't mean you have to become Sober Sally if you don't want to. This doesn't mean you can't ever do stimulants or MDMA or other drugs that make you feel bad ever again. I mean, I highly suggest you stay away from them forever, but if you don't want to, at least just give yourself time to heal.

Good Luck!