over 50 and a heroin addict

[usedtobe]

I just joined bluelight a few weeks ago, trying to use subs for a quick taper off heroin. I ended up using the heroin on top of the subs, then just went straight back to heroin for a week. I'm gonna try this again this weekend. I got a lot of support from some of you guys, and it was great. One thing I notice is that it seems like most people are a lot younger than I am...52. I'm wondering if there are any other still struggling and/or recovering addicts in me age group...especially women. I'm finding that detoxing is much harder at my age, and on too of that...dealing with the hormonal imbalance of menopause that causes even more depression and anxiety. I have such guilt and shame this time around...I had many years in recovery and threw it away for "one more." I knew better. Can anyone else relate to fighting their addiction in middle age? Yeah, I know 50 is the new 30...but its hell when you're trying to kick dope!

 

[cletusvandam]

well, I'm 38 and I'm old enough to know better. I am in the middle of a detox right now and I can relate to increased guilt and shame as compared to previous detoxes. No matter age we just have to live in today. I hope things go well for you.

 

[usedtobe]

I was your age the last time I got clean. I never thought I would use again...it was rough, and I had lost everything. Sobriety gave me so much...I had no reason to use again. But I did, and "one more" turned into almost a year of hard core heroin use. I am ready to stop this shit, but can't seem to get through the detox. But I have to, if not for me than for my kids. How are you doing with your detox? I hope it is not too horrible.

 

[usedtobe]

Are there really no others out there who are over 50 and addicted? I don't wanna be that unique.

 

[Mass08]

Are you able to go to a professional detox? Age is just a number

 

[usedtobe]

Circumstances prevent my ability to go t a detox. Plus,only 2 people in the world know I relapsed at this point. I know at some point I must get honest, but now is not the time. I would lose everything if it came out. Yes, I know if I keep using I will lose everything eventually, so this is it. If I cannot do it on my own, I will have to seek professional hope. Meantime, you guys all give me hope. Thank you.

 

[usedtobe]

Ha...I meant to say "professional help" but I like "professional HOPE" better!

 

[RedLeader]

Anytime you find yourself in a unique role as an addict trying to get clean (for you, your age, your profession...at least it would be a minority), you are in a great position to provide invaluable advice for anyone who may end up in the same place one day. Like for me, there are plenty of 28 year old guys going trough this crap, but some unique things about me (like my field of study, my geographical location and so on) make me feel like one of the few addicts seeing it from my angle. One of my best friends is a guy I met whose story is eerily similar to my own (good luck finding that in regular life, but low and behold online...), and I have learned so much from him.

So tell your story, dare to be unique, and who knows who might be out there reading, suddenly not feeling so alone.

 

[BlueHues]

There's some people your age around on here, but not as many people in their 50s are on a discussion forum like this....at 36 I'm definitely on the older side of BLers....Of course, most of the original BLers are probably in their 30s or 40s now...I had an account years ago, don't even remember the name....

Yeah, I've been on and off heroin awhile...It wears on you over time, it gets harder but it's do-able! I know a LOT of heroin users in their 50s and beyond! This one lady I used to get high with died a few years ago at 52 from an OD....She went hard! She had teenage daughters and her husband was a completely normal dude....It was funny when I went over there because her daughters knew we were getting high in the next room and the husband just accepted it!

Have you been using heroin for the whole time since you started? any breaks? whens the last time you kicked it all?

 

[aliencowstorm]

She had teenage daughters and her husband was a completely normal dude....It was funny when I went over there because her daughters knew we were getting high in the next room and the husband just accepted it!

I used to live next to a place that was just like that. Although, the dad was a cook and not a normy. Anyway, I'm 37 and on my second stint of getting clean. This is my third day without anything (again, made it 9 days last time about a month ago) and it sure sucks, but I'm starting to defog.

If you can, try finding a doctor that can perscribe you with something more than just the subs. It took like four different pills to help me come clean (none were narcotic). The doctor specialized in this and I was referred to him by the outpatient program I enrolled myself in. I'm going to do this the right way, not trying to find my way along, but getting involved with people that can share with me their experiences, strength and hope.

We are a special group of people. We deserve to live a clean life, we just have to want it enough and be willing to work for it. Oh yeah, and that first step for me was a bitch, giving myself over to a higher power was almost too much. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol/drugs — that our lives had become unmanageable.

Good luck, to everyone. One day at a time and when that doesn't work, 10 minutes at a time. Keep coming back, it works.

 

[aliencowstorm]

I know exactly how you feel, or at least the feeling of needing to hide it. I don't know what you're situation is, but knowing you need to do what's right is part of the journey. Hope you're able to make the next step. There are people out there, online and in person that are there to help.

One thing about us addicts, we're there for one another and we love each other as a brother or sister as we understand the fight and are able to relate.

 

[RebelWithACause]

Hi usedtobe--
You're not alone. I'm 50, female and just recently detoxed off obscene amounts of oxy for the umpteenth time. I used for 13 yrs....got progressively worse and the last 3 yrs I didn't even work, although I certainly had the education---just stopped caring I guess. Of course you can do it. If you can afford an addiction specialist I'd go that route. If not, try the Thomas Recipe. It has to be on here. IMO Clonidine is the key but this time I couldn't get any (ironic isnt it) the detox sucked but it wasn't that bad. I've relapsed a lot and for some reason unknown to me some detoxes are worse than others. Just wanted to let you know I'm pulling for you.

 

[mysticmusic]

I just joined bluelight a few weeks ago, trying to use subs for a quick taper off heroin. I ended up using the heroin on top of the subs, then just went straight back to heroin for a week. I'm gonna try this again this weekend. I got a lot of support from some of you guys, and it was great. One thing I notice is that it seems like most people are a lot younger than I am...52. I'm wondering if there are any other still struggling and/or recovering addicts in me age group...especially women. I'm finding that detoxing is much harder at my age, and on too of that...dealing with the hormonal imbalance of menopause that causes even more depression and anxiety. I have such guilt and shame this time around...I had many years in recovery and threw it away for "one more." I knew better. Can anyone else relate to fighting their addiction in middle age? Yeah, I know 50 is the new 30...but its hell when you're trying to kick dope!

I can relate as I turned 51 last month and am presently weaning off buprenorphine after two years of maintaince now down to insulfating 400 micrograms a day from 24 milligrams a day.
I have managed to kick cigarettes for the last 40 days and only shot heroin twice in the last year and been cocaine free for 15 months.
Sadly, our bodies lose youthful resilience as we age and the price we pay in the coin of pain grows increasingly steep.
I know too many sad friends our age who are no longer willing or able to fight and have resigned themselves to methadone dependence until death.
I for one am glad to have been blessed with a little more stamina and over a decade of addiction free existence experience that beckons me return.
It's not too late to abandon addictions as long as we're longing for a better life and willing to change.
Don't give up.

 

[usedtobe]

Mystic and Rebel...so there are a few of us middle aged women on here...thanks for letting me know I'm not that terminally unique! I think that most heroin addicts don't make it til their 50's, and if they do, are likely institutionalized or on the streets. Fortunately, I did not start shhoting dope until I was in my mid 30's (that's a whole other story) and then had over a decade in sobriety before I picked it back up almost a year ago. So I know the joy of being clean, but I took it for granted and threw it away for "one more." Now I can't get a day clean. But its time to do this...before I lose everything.
I found this forum when googling info on subs and detox. I knew I needed support, and since at this time I can't reach out to my AA friends (they don't know about my relapse, and I can't open up about it cause I will lose my job and my kid), I'm so happy to have found a supportive group of people who obviously care!
I am scared that I wont be able to do this, but continuing along this path is not an option. I am down to 2 bags a day and will start the subs on Mon. I know you will all be pulling for me. Prayers to everyone...and take it from me: if you are clean, be it days, months, or years...treasure it, or you will lose it. I want my life back.

 

[izzy66]

There are more 40-something to 50-something women around BL than ppl think. OP, you're 52 now; you were 20 in 1981, in high school in the mid-late 70s. Plenty of partying done in those days, lots of folk never stopped completely and have a long history using different drugs.

Idk why so many ppl think that folks 50, 60, or older are totally oblivious to drug use, abuse, and addiction. Not like getting high is new.
-izzy