dishearten
Bluelighter
hey dark siders,
i'm finally recovering and wanted to thank everyone that helped me weather it was personal or just by reading your story's.
after killing myself slowly and never beleiving i would ever see clean tox results in my life i'm so grateful to be alive and able to share the news and ability to tell you guys that you can do it TOO!
after over one year of heavy daily iv use and overdoses every couple months, and the car accident, all the times i was robbed and nodded out on the dangerous sidewalks of buffalo at all hours of the night just over a bill, the people i trusted that did me awful, the things i did to myself and others that i cant even speak of, and all the things i cannot remember, everyone was right-- i needed to fuckin stop the bullshit and turn around.
there is such hope if i was able to walk away.. you guys have hope too.
it hit me for good during my last od..
which was about 5 months ago. there was nothing anymore.
i looked around and saw nothing. it was my built up ending, and i knew everything that happened to me this past year and everything i put myself was the reason why.
a few weeks prior to that i received crushing news that my landlord was selling my building and i had 72 hours to move out. i had no idea what i was going to do yet what i was going to do with my 8 cats that i had since day one of all their precious lives. so not only was i loosing my home, but i wound up loosing 5 of my 8 darling babies also..
it was like i really had nothing anymore, just when it seemed like it couldnt get worse it did. maybe that woundnt effect some people the way it did me but, i never thought i would forsake the very things that loved and accepted me throughout the hardest most sadening times of my life. and i did. that was almost it for me.
so i quickly did find a place and moved.
and amongst the piled boxes and people around me, the oxycontin was alot bigger to me. i embraced it and just couldnt handle anymore. i lost way too much and realized i just didnt know myself any longer so what was the point.
needless to say yet another failed attempt.
so life managed to actually turn around..
i moved back to my dads and got into the methadone program for now and am 10 days away from getting my long awaited insurance!
its a start in the direction ive been craving much more than any high.
i have color in my face, i smile alot more, and even though my eating disorder is still with me-- i actually managed to gain muscle from all the stuff i do to get my mind off of things now.
its really inspiring that for so long i was in such a low that i literally KNEW id never recover in anyway; and now i can confidently hold my head high and feel like the girl thats been hiding behind the injections.
its truly a miracle.
so, to end the news id just really want to tell all of you that you all are so very inspiring yourself in your own ways and your storys and opinions and feelings towards weather its using, cutting, eds, ect are so helpful to not only a hurting me, but to everyone that stumbles along your threads..
to anyone that is still tonight, stuck and too high to hold your head just yet-- i am you, youre not alone and will never be.
here's to our life long journeys.
thanks tds
i'm finally recovering and wanted to thank everyone that helped me weather it was personal or just by reading your story's.
after killing myself slowly and never beleiving i would ever see clean tox results in my life i'm so grateful to be alive and able to share the news and ability to tell you guys that you can do it TOO!
after over one year of heavy daily iv use and overdoses every couple months, and the car accident, all the times i was robbed and nodded out on the dangerous sidewalks of buffalo at all hours of the night just over a bill, the people i trusted that did me awful, the things i did to myself and others that i cant even speak of, and all the things i cannot remember, everyone was right-- i needed to fuckin stop the bullshit and turn around.
there is such hope if i was able to walk away.. you guys have hope too.
it hit me for good during my last od..
which was about 5 months ago. there was nothing anymore.
i looked around and saw nothing. it was my built up ending, and i knew everything that happened to me this past year and everything i put myself was the reason why.
a few weeks prior to that i received crushing news that my landlord was selling my building and i had 72 hours to move out. i had no idea what i was going to do yet what i was going to do with my 8 cats that i had since day one of all their precious lives. so not only was i loosing my home, but i wound up loosing 5 of my 8 darling babies also..
it was like i really had nothing anymore, just when it seemed like it couldnt get worse it did. maybe that woundnt effect some people the way it did me but, i never thought i would forsake the very things that loved and accepted me throughout the hardest most sadening times of my life. and i did. that was almost it for me.
so i quickly did find a place and moved.
and amongst the piled boxes and people around me, the oxycontin was alot bigger to me. i embraced it and just couldnt handle anymore. i lost way too much and realized i just didnt know myself any longer so what was the point.
needless to say yet another failed attempt.
so life managed to actually turn around..
i moved back to my dads and got into the methadone program for now and am 10 days away from getting my long awaited insurance!
its a start in the direction ive been craving much more than any high.
i have color in my face, i smile alot more, and even though my eating disorder is still with me-- i actually managed to gain muscle from all the stuff i do to get my mind off of things now.
its really inspiring that for so long i was in such a low that i literally KNEW id never recover in anyway; and now i can confidently hold my head high and feel like the girl thats been hiding behind the injections.
its truly a miracle.
so, to end the news id just really want to tell all of you that you all are so very inspiring yourself in your own ways and your storys and opinions and feelings towards weather its using, cutting, eds, ect are so helpful to not only a hurting me, but to everyone that stumbles along your threads..
to anyone that is still tonight, stuck and too high to hold your head just yet-- i am you, youre not alone and will never be.
here's to our life long journeys.
thanks tds
