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opiates strip the joy from your life

E

e92

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 20, 2011
Messages
229
i've had a few relapses with heroin and right now i am detoxing from my longest and most intense relapse since the summer of 2013.

i forgot how much this shit strips your soul. i forgot how much nothing it fills you up with. when you're using you dont realize.

you think you're happy and high and having a good time, and even when you're not dopesick you think you're "normal" but youre not.

the past 2 months i've lost interest and motivation for EVERYTHING.

even on nights out with my friends i wouldnt be having so much fun because i was too caught up in opiate land. and i would also be looking forward to go going home because i knew a hit was waiting for me there. a nice hit, some music, and a cigarette. dont get me wrong, i love doing that its the most peaceful thing imaginable. but all the shit that comes along with it is just not worth it.

friday night, the last night of using, before me and my friends went out i got high. my friend came over a little early and until the last second before we went out i was just laying on my bed and my friend was like "dude whats up with you lately?". he didnt get why i was just laying there, not even excited to go out.

right now i'm feeling emotions i havent felt in months, because i've been high 24/7 for two months. although my brain has not yet mentally recovered, i still feel this sense of excitement that i havent felt in a while.

it's nice to feel a sense of reality again.
 
I liken opiate addiction to being on a non stop 24/7 booze bender.

You don't realize how high you were until you've come down, and once you do you feel so lowdown from all the things said and bad behavior that you almost need to use again to have any self esteem.

Best of luck and holiday wishes e92, don't forget that every time you relapse and detox it gets harder and harder, regardless of size of habit.
 
CopperChloride said:
<3 best wishes to you. Hopefully going to see reality myself soon!
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just do it! start writing some reasons why you want to get clean, pick up some loperamid (life saver) and some xanax or something, and just fucking do it.

David Wooderson said:
I liken opiate addiction to being on a non stop 24/7 booze bender.

You don't realize how high you were until you've come down, and once you do you feel so lowdown from all the things said and bad behavior that you almost need to use again to have any self esteem.

Best of luck and holiday wishes e92, don't forget that every time you relapse and detox it gets harder and harder, regardless of size of habit.
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it's worse than a booze bender because with heroin, you are so over-stimulated by the drug that nothing else seems to be exciting. when you're high, nothing can match it. at least when you're drunk you at least have some sort of sense of reality. on heroin you think you're in touch with reality but you're really not all there.

thanks and happy holidays to you too. 2016 is going to be a great year.. i just know it.
 
I'm a speed freak, my gf is the opiate fiend although she is sleeping like a champ right now *proud* once she's sorted with that and i'm sorted with mine, we kick/dramatically reduce benzos.... together hopefully. I think we can do it :)
 
you should consider getting on sub or methadone maintenance... i don't know much about methadone but I've been on and off sub maintenance for a little over 4 years now. when I'm maintained on suboxone i get no craving for dope, i don't ever worry about being sick or anything like that its great it really is.

your supposed to use the time on subs to work on your mental game. I love being on subs I really do, but every time I try to come off I fai., but its because I don't put the necessary work into it. But seriously if your just looking to stop using dope, then get on a sub regime
 
Mrsnowygrainius how so do you fail? I've been on almost 4 years now started & 8mg & am now on 1/2 of 1mg or a little less maybe .4mg, everytime lowering from 8 until I got to 4mg I'd get so sick, but stopped following my docs advice n taper like twice or 3x as slow as he recommends & these w/d's are a walk in the park compared to what I was used to lol
 
Amen dude. I had dreams once. That was before opiates.

Even on suboxone, I am complacent and lazy. I used to be an amatuer bodybuilder and haven't touched a weight in longer then I'm willing to admit.

Feels good to feel in my opinion. Enjoy it, and don't forget this horrid detox you're going through.
 
bdomihizayka said:
Amen dude. I had dreams once. That was before opiates.

Even on suboxone, I am complacent and lazy. I used to be an amatuer bodybuilder and haven't touched a weight in longer then I'm willing to admit.

Feels good to feel in my opinion. Enjoy it, and don't forget this horrid detox you're going through.
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I thought maybe I was just a failure lol but the thought of subs making me complacent / lazy is a big reason I want off them. Haven't done anything significant w/ my life since getting on them.
Bdomihizayka are you still on subs & if not did your drive to do shit return?
 
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