Misc Opialts chronic pain and zero sex drive. Any tips on how to get thirsty again?

[buttershots21]

So the title speaks for itself. I want my sex drive back, and between the pain and the pain killers, I have zero. None. As a female, I don't even worry about it for myself, I don't even really care anymore. But I'm married and my husband sure does! He had a couple of affairs, and they were both due to me not being able to give him what he needs in the bedroom. It's very damaging to my self esteem and makes my anxiety and depression even worse but I can just MAKE myself be in the mood! Does anyone know of any meds, herbs, or natural remedies that would jack up my libido and get me closer to the woman I used to be? I'm willing to try anything at this point.

 

[tacodude]

Find a better man who appreciates you and knows how to treat you right rather than to cheat on you. You as well as everyone else deserves better.....

That being said it could be a mental block. Find better solutions than masking with drugs.


I would recommend certain psychedelics, but there are no what should I take threads aloud. Cannabis can be useful though, but at the same time with most drugs can be detrimental.

 

[smokem81]

Find a better man who appreciates you and knows how to treat you right rather than to cheat on you. You as well as everyone else deserves better.....

That being said it could be a mental block. Find better solutions than masking with drugs.


I would recommend certain psychedelics, but there are no what should I take threads aloud. Cannabis can be useful though, but at the same time with most drugs can be detrimental.

I agree

 

[belfort]

yeah if you dont miss sex or want to have it, the best option is finding a new man that doesnt crave it..now if you missed sex or wanted your sex drive back, only one option and thats to get off opiates...the 2nd half of my opiate addiction i had no sex drive and my pain was intensified by the opiates tbh..

 

[Smoky]

Cutting down helped my sex drive, but mostly was just Nil during my heroin/roxi use. Bottom line though, your sex drive is no reason for him to have an affair, period! Sex is important but not the priority in a relationship - intimacy, love, care for one another including not cheating on the other is most important … no matter what. Right thing to do is for him to mention he feels like having an affair due to not feeling satisfied sexually in his relationship to you before going out and 'doing' it.

 

[onemoretime]

ahhhh I'm so sorry your having this issue. I was immediately going to suggest testosterone gel until of course I saw you are female. Maybe some of the girls can help you with hormone treatment as the opiats destroy our hormones for men for sure.. probably for woman also. On another note sweetie. This will come over as highly controversial, lol but I have been with my now husband for 14 years in January. we fell in love at first sight and been together ever since. we have always had an open relationship where we allowed each other to have respectful other sexual partners. That means I'm not going to walk in our condo and find him having sex on the coutch and the same with him. but we allow others sometimes at same time in different rooms.. sometimes one of us out of the home. we know we love each other and are forever commited to each other. love,family,financial. but we both mutually agreed that sex is no big deal to be shared with others.. since we both feel that way it was very easy for us to both come up with this arrangement and it has worked wonderfully for us. possibly for you and your husband. If you truly are not interested in sex anymore, and I totally understand that as im not either...LOL why care if he goes out and has sex with another person, take away the "cheeting" word associated with it. thus the same and guilt on him is gone and the hurt and guilt your not performing is gone. the monogamy idea of marriage worked great 500 years ago when peopled lived until 40 or 45. things have changed. just work out the ground rules that you both agree on. best of luck and feel better sweetie.

 

[onemoretime]

Smoky, I agree with your definition of priority in a relationship, intimacy, love, care for one another, I add financial sharring, being there support at hospitals and dr's ect. that's what I call my marriage. we have a radical sexual long time 14 year relationship. the gov only let us marry last june 2013. but we always allowed respectful open relationship. I suggested that to the poster as an option if it works for them. the affair baggage can be removed if both parties just remove it. works for some. take care sweetie

Cutting down helped my sex drive, but mostly was just Nil during my heroin/roxi use. Bottom line though, your sex drive is no reason for him to have an affair, period! Sex is important but not the priority in a relationship - intimacy, love, care for one another including not cheating on the other is most important … no matter what. Right thing to do is for him to mention he feels like having an affair due to not feeling satisfied sexually in his relationship to you before going out and 'doing' it.

 

[pinpoint]

OP what is more important to you - your sexual relations or opiates. You need to choose one or the other lest you spend inane amounts of money on products that attempt to capitalize on consumer's inherent bedroom insecurities.

 

[buttershots21]

Just to be clear, I don't take opiates to get high, I'm a chronic pain patient. I take these meds to survive. I also have years of various "female problems" that have made sex difficult for me to enjoy, knowing that even on the rare occasions that I am up for it, I am going to be paying for my fun for days afterwards. Someone mentioned that he should have warned me about he was feeling before he had his affair. He did. Repeatedly. I just either didn't take it seriously or didn't want to. My head was in the sand so to speak. When I found out, I left him. I came back, because I love him, and I think he finally understood that it's not anything he's done to make me avoid sex, but my conditions and my meds. We talked and agreed that we both had things to work on. He's done pretty damn good on his end, it's my end of the deal that isn't going so well. As far as an open relationship, I have thought about it, but it would never be truly open, as he would never allow me to go sleep with someone else if I wanted to, and I hate double standards more than anything. So much so that when I found out he had cheated on me, I made myself even the score so to speak. And I can't just let him run around on me. In my town, there are junkie whores everywhere, not saying that to be judgmental, but STDs are a huge problem here because of all the needle use. Not to mention, everyone knows your business before you do here. And my pride just could not handle everyone knowing my husband was out sleeping with other women. I'm more looking for herbs or home remedies or even prescription meds I could ask my Dr about. The only time I get truly horney is when I'm drunk, and I haven't been drunk in over 3 years due to all the meds I'm on. Though some days I wish I was dead, I don't want to accidentally off myself by mixing booze and pain meds. We've been together 12 years, and I know there isn't another man on this planet that would want me with all my baggage and issues.

 

[lazylazyjoe]

I have a similar issue with my wife.

I have next to no desire for sex. She still does. It has caused many troubles for us, mainly she thinks I'm not attracted to her... but really I don't want to have sex with anyone. We've actually split up twice over this over the 7 years we've been married.

We've had different arrangements, with different results. Many times I would just get her off with my hands. Plus, every once and a while I just have sex with her to make her happy. We also have arrangements where I let her have sex with others. But, just sex. No relationships, or spending the night.

I wouldn't call it an open relationship 'cause I really don't have much desire to see others. I've slept with someone else maybe 2 times, and the first time my wife was there too.

She always come back. You have to have a good amount of trust between you & not be a jealous person. Ofcourse, it's probably a lot easier for a girl to do this than a guy. And if you're worried about evening the score, you would probably have a problem with jealousy too.

Not ideal, but it keeps her from going too insane.

 

[《Plasticity》]

Sure, cheating was a dick move... no doubt whatsoever. But I think it's also your responsibility as a member of the partnership to satisfy your mans needs. He needs to empathise, but you can't just ignore the sexual aspect of a relationship... how do you think that makes him feel? His own wife dreads having sex with him! No solution, just my thoughts on the subject. I know your already doing so, but investigating potential solutions til the end should be a priority.

if you dont miss sex or want to have it, the best option is finding a new man that doesnt craveit.

Yeah, good luck with that 8). Your choice would be either another opioid addict, someone with ED, or a closet homosexual. Most men will either cheat or want out if theres no prospects of sex.

 

[Erikmen]

So the title speaks for itself. I want my sex drive back, and between the pain and the pain killers, I have zero. None. As a female, I don't even worry about it for myself, I don't even really care anymore. But I'm married and my husband sure does! He had a couple of affairs, and they were both due to me not being able to give him what he needs in the bedroom. It's very damaging to my self esteem and makes my anxiety and depression even worse but I can just MAKE myself be in the mood! Does anyone know of any meds, herbs, or natural remedies that would jack up my libido and get me closer to the woman I used to be? I'm willing to try anything at this point.

The fact you can´t have a sexual life has nothing to do with your husband´s affairs.
You should both discuss your lives, preferably together with a therapist.
The idea is to like yourself better and do not let your husband take you self esteem away or down.
Talk to him, you are not wrong, not doing anything you shouldn´t be doing.
Sex takes two. If you are not well, his obligation to you should make him care.
Can you afford a therapist. It does work..

 

[paranoid android]

I have been on morphine (with a year or here on Dilaudid and some time on fent and oxy) since 2006 for chronic pain. My sex drive is still as high as it ever was and no woman I've been with has ever complained about my abilities to keep it up so to speak. Well okay that time i was taking Effexor but that stuff kills everyones sex drive. Alot of guys run into problems with long term opiate use but thank fuck i haven't cause id most likely end up having to quit the stuff. My ex g/f was even a worse opiate fiend then me and she certainly had no problem with her sex drive either. So i guess it comes down to luck and most likely who you are with as well.

 

[Erikmen]

I would choose opiates instinctively but if I think about life and family I´ll choose love, at all costs.
And would have tried sex in any ways until I find her way.
That´s what love does to you..
And of course share, and learn to compromise. Be loyal to your children, if you have any, etc.
A sum up of OPs.

 

[Erikmen]

I have been on morphine (with a year or here on Dilaudid and some time on fent and oxy) since 2006 for chronic pain. My sex drive is still as high as it ever was and no woman I've been with has ever complained about my abilities to keep it up so to speak. Well okay that time i was taking Effexor but that stuff kills everyones sex drive. Alot of guys run into problems with long term opiate use but thank fuck i haven't cause id most likely end up having to quit the stuff. My ex g/f was even a worse opiate fiend then me and she certainly had no problem with her sex drive either. So i guess it comes down to luck and most likely who you are with as well.

You should maybe consider going to a doctor to see how your hormones are.
I had to take supplements and it solved everything. Almost like magic!

 

[paranoid android]

You should maybe consider going to a doctor to see how your hormones are.
I had to take supplements and it solved everything. Almost like magic!

Already had my test levels checked back in the spring i think. They where normal for a guy in his early 30's so yeah no need for supplements. I tried to get some Testosterone to bulk up easier but my doctor wouldn't go for it. Oh well was worth a shot

 

[kayaker318]

The fact you can´t have a sexual life has nothing to do with your husband´s affairs.
You should both discuss your lives, preferably together with a therapist.
The idea is to like yourself better and do not let your husband take you self esteem away or down.
Talk to him, you are not wrong, not doing anything you shouldn´t be doing.
Sex takes two. If you are not well, his obligation to you should make him care.
Can you afford a therapist. It does work..

Agreed. ^

@buttershots It would be very wise to speak with a therapist. Neither one of you are getting primary needs met -- For you, an understanding that you are in chronic pain with limited availability. And for him, his sexual needs.

The last thing you need is to feel inadequate in the midst of chronic pain. And do you really need the emotional pain on top of it? By talking to a professional you'll both be able to discuss what you want/need from the relationship. Trying to fix your sex drive isn't going to miraculously turn the marriage around. Temporarily maybe but try sustaining that in the long term. That is a whole lot of pressure to put on yourself.

Can you make an appointment w/a psychiatrist to help you manage your meds - specifically to be evaluated for depression? If you are depressed then getting an anti-depressant may help you get back on track. You probably know that chronic pain + depression go hand in hand. Treating the problem not the symptoms is key. Stop beating yourself up and letting him justify his cheating because you wouldn't put out. It sounds like there's a deeper problem that needs to be addressed before you can even begin to resolve the sex issue.

Believe me there are couples who stick together through sickness AND in health. Those are the rare ones.

 

[《Plasticity》]

The fact you can´t have a sexual life has nothing to do with your husband´s affairs

Yeah, I strongly disagree... he makes it clear that he wants sex with OP, asking over and over and even giving warnings that he will go somewhere else if need be. Men have needs, and he probably got sick of being turned down by his own wife. I could totally understand his frustration. Because of this he probably figured he would get it somewhere else for what you should be providing for him. Does that justify him cheating? Fuck no, that was a scummy move entirely, but from the info provided, to me, it suggests strongly that the reason, or at least one reason he cheated was because he couldn't get what he truly wants, the OP. Many men would and do cheat because their wives withhold sex.

I'm on opioids as well, and there's alot of times that I don't want to have sex but I do anyways, to make sure my woman is satisfied. Having no sex drive is a poor excuse imo. The average sex session is about 10 -15 minutes. Can you not just pretend to be interested and let him make love for 10-15 minutes? Doesn't even have to be every day, just enough so that he feels satisfied. Besides that you should look at reducing your opioids or looking into some aphrodisiacs. I know Catuaba is an aphrodisiac, but I'm not sure if it's only for males. Finding a solution to this problem could save your relationship because he's obviously getting tired of the lack of sex.

Edit: I'm sorry I just saw that your also unable to have sex due to health issues, that makes my post seem a bit harsh though I still feel the lack of sex was a major factor in the infidelity. Are there any sorta of treatments for this disorder that make sex less painful? Can the pain be avoided by gentle sex with only partial penetration as opposed to full on balls deep? Do you at least give him oral sex? If not that would be a start.

 

[lazylazyjoe]

I have no desire for sex now, but when I was in teens and 20's wanted it all the time.
So, back then, even if I was with a girl I had loved, I would have only been able to tolerate no sex for so long. Love can only go so far when dealing with your body.

Like I said, I'm in the same spot and honestly, you're either gonna have to

deal with having awkward & uncomfortable sex & hope he doesn't mind a lack of enthusiasm
deal with him sleeping with others
seek medical help for arousal problems
find another mate who dislikes sex

BTW: If you find another option that works, please tell me cause I'd love to know

 

[zephyrhigh]

Def get your hormones checked and relay it to your doctor... I unfortunately have the exact same problem with my drive and my husband hates me for it most of the time I make myself do it just for him Cuz it doesn't last long but if hes looking for you to take the initive like my husband does smoothie king has an herbal happy pill its called that does the trick for me..... Good luck hun ....