Venting Once again I fuct Up

[Coffeeshroom]

This weekend i messed up pretty badly. I went to a b-day party and did some stims and knowing my past history with them it only ended up bad. I had a psychotic / manic episode that was just bad for everyone and once again i can't remember it. And then it took me the whole week to pick up the pieces, apologize to all the people I hurt in the prosess and the people i harmed. I feel like utter shit and also am sorry towards my fellow bluelighters for not being here and also not being a good example.

I should and know better yet now and then i still try it thinking this time will be different but yeah... It wasn't. When will i learn, it's just not meant for me and i guess the bipolar doesn't help either with it.

So just want to apologize to everyone on here for being absent in general.

sidenote: sorry if this is in the wrong thread.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

This weekend i messed up pretty badly. I went to a b-day party and did some stims and knowing my past history with them it only ended up bad. I had a psychotic / manic episode that was just bad for everyone and once again i can't remember it. And then it took me the whole week to pick up the pieces, apologize to all the people I hurt in the prosess and the people i harmed. I feel like utter shit and also am sorry towards my fellow bluelighters for not being here and also not being a good example.

I should and know better yet now and then i still try it thinking this time will be different but yeah... It wasn't. When will i learn, it's just not meant for me and i guess the bipolar doesn't help either with it.

So just want to apologize to everyone on here for being absent in general.

sidenote: sorry if this is in the wrong thread.

Awww man. I'm sorry that happened. I know for sure that I have behaved that way in the past as well. And I never learned either.

Please man, no shame. It happened, it's over, and you have made it right.

You have picked up the pieces and can put them away. Put a note in your wallet written in a black sharpie that says" No Stims for me. "

Every time you go to the store for groceries or pay your bills you will see that note and remind yourself that you don't want to have to apologize to anyone anymore.

 

[deficiT]

I know the feeling, all too well. I also know how it feels to beat yourself up over the guilt of incidents like these. You don't have to apologize to us here, just try your best to not rake yourself over the coals about it. The best apology you can offer anyone is changed behavior.

 

[dragonix]

So did I over the edge and down the rabbit hole we go

Don't weep for me Argentina please I am a true fighter

 

[xaddictx]

I don't know you well but....you have to forgive yourself first. We of course forgive you! Ive made many mistakes in my life too. Dont beat yourself up. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward. No human is perfect.

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Hey all, know i have been absent for a while and i really don't have a good excuse apart from me just falling of the rails even more and relapsing in every way. But what done is done and also got new work that kinda motivated me to pull myself back together and stop being a pussy and feeling sorry for myself.

So currently I'm on tramadol and order myself a new batch of kratom to try (Red Hulu strain) which should arrive today. If i get it today i will try and switch over tonight or wait till tomorrow if i can.

So with all that said I busy getting my shit together and pulling myself towards myself if that makes any sense.

Thanks for the Love and Support and patience on everyone's part. I'm back to try being my normal CoffeeShroom Self.

Regards
CoffeeShroom.