Fornax55
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2010
- Messages
- 465
So it's no secret that pot makes people paranoid. But over the last years I've begun to recognize that this paranoia isn't inherently a negative experience and, when approached properly, it can actually be massively therapeutic.
I recall the Rastas (or at least Bob Marley) have a saying along the lines of "ganja reveals yourself, to yourself." This never really meant much to me until yesterday when I was chatting about marijuana and humility. I said something about how it's pretty much impossible for me to be cocky or headstrong when I'm stoned because it makes you so humble.
My friend's response was that marijuana makes you see and speak the truth. I realized that this is true not only in regards to the outside world, but to the inner world.
I realized that pot makes me paranoid because there are things I try to hide from myself. Traumas, negative experiences, emotions, beliefs, behavior patterns that I refuse to acknowledge, etc. etc.
The paranoia persists because of the resistance to what the cannabis tries to show me.
For example, a pretty classic experience. Someone smokes weed at a party, maybe by accident, smoked a joint that they thought was a cigarette or whatever. The immediate response is, "oh fuck, this is bad, I need to get away," followed by extreme resistance to the experience. I've been there tons of times, even so far as to stop smoking weed entirely for several years.
A couple years back I smoked it. Alone. The paranoia arose. I thought, "fuck it, what's this really about," and basically told the paranoia to bring it on.
"Why am I paranoid? Am I afraid people are going to judge me? Why would I care about that? What sort of experience led to me fearing the judgment of others? Did I really have to react that way to my girlfriend? What caused me to react that way, anyways? What point in my life did I pick up the idea that reacting like that is better than the alternative?"
This type of thinking is referred to by the Buddhists as contemplation and it allows one to push through the surface experience. Resistance to any of the above things creates a state of mind that could easily be described as "paranoia," or at least anxiety and discomfort. But that paranoia always emerges for a reason.
Nothing just makes you paranoid for no reason. With the exception of people who have biochemical imbalances and chronic anxiety, paranoia and anxiety, especially when induced in a manner like this, are the result of a clash between current experience and accepted belief.
Cannabis shines a light on the psyche and aggressively shows us everything. However, tons of us are repressing things that we think are too painful to deal with. Before they emerge in the light, we shove them back under the carpet aggressively.
For me sometimes this would get serious enough that I'd abort my cannabis experience by swallowing benzos until I passed out rather than sinking into the paranoia and through it, to see what's on the other side.
It never gets any more comfortable or enjoyable, but it's at least bearable now because I realize the paranoia is an indication that something needs to be addressed. Now I use marijuana strictly therapeutically, on nights when I know I won't be bothered, so I can dive deep into the pool of my psyche and pull out the shit that I know I don't want to deal with or acknowledge.
Obviously this won't apply to everyone. As it stands I have an incredibly hard time acknowledging or even feeling my emotions. My initial response is to bury them before I even have a chance to recognize them for what they are.
The result of this is that over weeks, months, or years, I end up with a ton of shit to unpack. When I smoke, it all comes to the surface immediately.
It takes a lot of courage to deal with this sort of stuff. When it's been a particularly long time since my last therapeutic session (either with cannabis or an actual therapist) there's usually a lot of shit. Guilt, shame, tears, yadda yadda. Stuff that's easier to avoid. But the result is that afterwards I always feel much lighter, my relationships become more pure and authentic, and at the end of the day I feel a lot more comfortable about myself.
Just thought I'd write up my experience for anyone else who struggles with cannabis and paranoia. I've discussed this with a few of my fellow paranoid past pot-smokers who agree that it's extremely valuable and has helped them grow as a person.
I recall the Rastas (or at least Bob Marley) have a saying along the lines of "ganja reveals yourself, to yourself." This never really meant much to me until yesterday when I was chatting about marijuana and humility. I said something about how it's pretty much impossible for me to be cocky or headstrong when I'm stoned because it makes you so humble.
My friend's response was that marijuana makes you see and speak the truth. I realized that this is true not only in regards to the outside world, but to the inner world.
I realized that pot makes me paranoid because there are things I try to hide from myself. Traumas, negative experiences, emotions, beliefs, behavior patterns that I refuse to acknowledge, etc. etc.
The paranoia persists because of the resistance to what the cannabis tries to show me.
For example, a pretty classic experience. Someone smokes weed at a party, maybe by accident, smoked a joint that they thought was a cigarette or whatever. The immediate response is, "oh fuck, this is bad, I need to get away," followed by extreme resistance to the experience. I've been there tons of times, even so far as to stop smoking weed entirely for several years.
A couple years back I smoked it. Alone. The paranoia arose. I thought, "fuck it, what's this really about," and basically told the paranoia to bring it on.
"Why am I paranoid? Am I afraid people are going to judge me? Why would I care about that? What sort of experience led to me fearing the judgment of others? Did I really have to react that way to my girlfriend? What caused me to react that way, anyways? What point in my life did I pick up the idea that reacting like that is better than the alternative?"
This type of thinking is referred to by the Buddhists as contemplation and it allows one to push through the surface experience. Resistance to any of the above things creates a state of mind that could easily be described as "paranoia," or at least anxiety and discomfort. But that paranoia always emerges for a reason.
Nothing just makes you paranoid for no reason. With the exception of people who have biochemical imbalances and chronic anxiety, paranoia and anxiety, especially when induced in a manner like this, are the result of a clash between current experience and accepted belief.
Cannabis shines a light on the psyche and aggressively shows us everything. However, tons of us are repressing things that we think are too painful to deal with. Before they emerge in the light, we shove them back under the carpet aggressively.
For me sometimes this would get serious enough that I'd abort my cannabis experience by swallowing benzos until I passed out rather than sinking into the paranoia and through it, to see what's on the other side.
It never gets any more comfortable or enjoyable, but it's at least bearable now because I realize the paranoia is an indication that something needs to be addressed. Now I use marijuana strictly therapeutically, on nights when I know I won't be bothered, so I can dive deep into the pool of my psyche and pull out the shit that I know I don't want to deal with or acknowledge.
Obviously this won't apply to everyone. As it stands I have an incredibly hard time acknowledging or even feeling my emotions. My initial response is to bury them before I even have a chance to recognize them for what they are.
The result of this is that over weeks, months, or years, I end up with a ton of shit to unpack. When I smoke, it all comes to the surface immediately.
It takes a lot of courage to deal with this sort of stuff. When it's been a particularly long time since my last therapeutic session (either with cannabis or an actual therapist) there's usually a lot of shit. Guilt, shame, tears, yadda yadda. Stuff that's easier to avoid. But the result is that afterwards I always feel much lighter, my relationships become more pure and authentic, and at the end of the day I feel a lot more comfortable about myself.
Just thought I'd write up my experience for anyone else who struggles with cannabis and paranoia. I've discussed this with a few of my fellow paranoid past pot-smokers who agree that it's extremely valuable and has helped them grow as a person.
