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On Funerals

P A

P A

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 7, 2008
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Annapolis, Maryland
A son is discussing funeral arrangements with his dying mother. ‘Would you like to be buried or cremated?’ asks the son. The mother replies, ‘I don’t know. Surprise me.’
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I'm wondering how P&S feels about the pan-cultural phenomenon of the funeral. How many have you attended? How was it/were they compared to other, essentially similar social gatherings you've attended in the past (say, a wedding or Bar Mitzvah, for instance)? Has anyone attended a non-Western funeral? If so, how was that? Would you like to have a funeral? How would you prefer the service to be conducted? Finally, how would like your corpse to be retired (for lack of a better phrase)?

Having spoken to many people with whom I'm personally close, I've found that social attitudes re. funerals differ widely, and seemingly exhibit as many variations as there are human beings. Many of my peers understandably have no desire to contemplate their impending demise, but, when the point was pressed, a surprising proportion professed compete indifference or antipathy toward the idea of a traditional funeral. Many of them would prefer to be disposed of in whatever manner is most expedient (typically cremation) without fanfare or public displays of grief/mourning. I find my own wishes to be in rough accordance with this set of minimal expectations; but, when I suggested such to a middle-aged friend of the family, he reacted negatively and harshly, stressing the social and psychological significance of funerals for a large number of people - hence the historical existence of the tradition in the first place. He claimed that my desire to abstain from a simple funeral service was essentially petty and selfish in nature, and had more to do with my reluctance to accept inevitability and a fundamental disregard for the wishes of my loved ones than it had to do with financial considerations or general nonchalance. I'm not certain enough of my own opinion to disregard his commentary, and I'm very curious as to what Bluelight has to say on the matter.
 
I am not concerned with it as such. While on some personal level, I favor the minimal, cheapest option, I am not all the set on it. Because, well, damn it, it's completely irrelevant to me what happens to my body after I am dead. I am dead, I am not able to experience it. If the living wish to toss me in a dumpster, okay. If they find some value in a service and ceremony and spending money and effort on it, let them have it. It's not about *me*; I no longer exist at that point.

Edit: To clarify my formulation of "I no longer exist"; given my history in this sub-forum and my [alleged] scientism. I am formalizing *I* in this context as being an event (like an electric current) which has ceased, rather then to imply I believe that my mass/energy value has disappeared or that I am erased from history, or anything of that sort. Where I= the integral of (my subjective perception of anything at all)+ (others objective perception of me being conscious) :P As such, it is neither my concern, nor should others be concerned with what *I* would think of what they do they with my body, as such an inquiry is meaningless at the time my funeral actually happens.
 
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Attended one funeral only when I was 10, my dad's mother. The plush rolls royce cars with fluffy floors were novelty lol. The emotion didn't really register so much for me, I just felt 'low' because I knew my dad was upset. I had a 5p coin in my pocket and I threw that into the grave for whatever reason, my dad was touched by that.

Personally I don't care for the standard church funeral and graveyard. Firstly I have no attachment to the church, infact I resent the idea of being in any way connected to it. And second the idea of keeping rotting bodies in the ground seems like a stupid superstitious waste of space to me.. not to mention allowing family/friends to visit the grave and relive emotional pain.

I think the Hindu's (I think it's them) have the right idea. Do a cremation on the banks of the river with family/friends attending.. recycle the body through fire/ash.. and let relatives have their moment then. I think they also celebrate it rather than be distraught by it because they don't see it as the end but just a beginning. Not that I agree with that belief, but when you see how painful life is on this planet then death isn't really such a bad ending afterall for most! But I think returning the body is better than letting it fester.. let the relatives have 1 moment to release all that emotion and then be done and move on/get back to living their own life.
 
I would like to be cremated but I want my organs to be taken out. not only to give a little something to someone else, but to stop the corrupt morgue people to sell my kidneys.
seriously. cremated please. and no funeral if possible.
 
-=SS=- said:
I think the Hindu's (I think it's them) have the right idea. Do a cremation on the banks of the river with family/friends attending.. recycle the body through fire/ash.. and let relatives have their moment then. I think they also celebrate it rather than be distraught by it because they don't see it as the end but just a beginning. Not that I agree with that belief, but when you see how painful life is on this planet then death isn't really such a bad ending afterall for most! But I think returning the body is better than letting it fester.. let the relatives have 1 moment to release all that emotion and then be done and move on/get back to living their own life.
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Another reason that I personally agree with the Hindu on cremation, and especially for more spiritually aware individuals, is because the deceased is then thought to have less attachment to the physical, helping the soul to move on.
 
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In Hindu culture, again, I have seen it suggested for the family to remain fairly at peace for 45 days after the death of a loved one.

Personally I can say that, for example 45 days is common for a lot of odd things to do with us, from the Qi, Prana, Dosha, or EMF building to a max through various practices, the female menstrual cycle often is 45 days, and our lunar cycle.

so for me, i guess after the cremation, i would of prearranged for a Blue Brothers cover band to surprise my guests(simpsons style), and then for 45 days they picture me in some nebula floating around ...
 
I have attended 2 funerals, both were family members. They were solemn events, probably because my family are not really religious; I'm assuming more religious people would be a little happy that they were returning to God (back to the Oneness). Personally I was very sad watching the burying of my Grandma but that was when I was young (14), now that I'm older I would be happy, since I have matured and read a lot more in regards to Theology/Theosophy.

I would like to be cremated and my ashes buried at my family's plot (overseas, in eastern Europe). I would like a priest to read some prayers relating to death in the religion most familiar to my family, and a family member to read a few of my favourite poems.

Also; A Western funeral =D

bilde.jpeg
 
Funny you say that, I met a guy, a new member in my friends' band, he recommended that book also =)

(will have to check out)
 
It's funny, we act like we are in control of what will happen to our bodies after death. But in reality do we actually have any say? You have no idea what is up your families sleeves. And what happens if you get buried in a graveyard? Someday societies forever growing arms aren't going to want to start building over that land? I think grave yards are a crock of shit and it's just rented space.
I'll probably just go find a good isolated place somewhere in the world and kill myself there and let my body rot where no one can find it(ideally.)

Though a cremation and ashes thrown into the ocean would do just fine. When my father died, he was cremated and his ashes were supposed to go into the ocean. He was a big time fisherman and loved the ocean and everything about it. But then my mother got greedy about his box of ashes and will not let me return him to the sea. She doesn't want to be cremated and she wants the box of his ashes buried with her. It really bothers me because it's going against what he wanted and she won't even take the time to buy a nice urn for him. It's just the free box they give you ashes in.
 
^ Perhaps go to the cremation place and get an identical box, fill it up with log ash (or chocolate milk mix), and switch it with the one she has.
 
Lol. I'd rather have awkward arguments about it with her and beat myself up over it.
 
I don't like funerals (I suppose no-one enjoys them) they are always awkward. Especially Maori style funerals where the body is left lying on the floor in the lounge for days and all the people staying for days and all the food (who wants to eat while they sit next to the dead body of someone they once cared for?). In a way I can understand when people come together to celebrate the life they had and the good memories we still hold, but I personally also seem to find it awkward when everyone is laughing and talking and having a good time at a funeral. It's always awkward. And someone usually ends up saying/doing something to offend someone due to everyone being emotional and the whole thing becomes about petty scwabbles instead and it's just like what is the point of this? Others must see it differently or funerals wouldn't continue to occur. *shrug*

It's also awkward when drunk people you haven't met before the funeral come and look you up and down then slur "what are you doing saturday night" then some lady you have also never met chirps in with "don't talk to her like that, that's our cousin!" Yup...

My best friend's funeral was disturbing, he had planned out his funeral so perfectly, so beautifully, and I look back just before he died he was trying to give me stuff, like little trinkets such as these beautiful gothic style rosary beads and etc and I just thought, no this stuff is too nice, he's just drunk and he's gunna regret giving to me later he'll wish he didn't but wont say anything lol, so when I woke up after crashed out I left them there and walked home without waking him. I didn't know he was going to die, like I knew he'd been sick in the past and stuff, but he never said it was coming to an end, and for it to be so close he was doing this stuff to when he died, and many other little things, make me question if it was suicide, even though the report said his heart just gave out. It's all very not ok, a perfect funeral probably worst kind really.

Then my best chick friend's funeral, so many lies, secrets, people try to protect you but they aren't helping, it's a long story.

If I were a superstitious person I would stop making (best) friends.

Funerals suck.
 
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