Recovery Now realizing adverse effects, too young to fuck up

[Downeddreamer]

Hey BL, (18/M) for the first time ever I have begun seeking help for my addiction problems. Recently I have, for the third time, acutely overdosed on stimulants. I have no self control when it comes to being in the presence of altering substances. I regularly used mj, lsd, alcohol, cigs, coke. I can't turn down free drugs and have experimented with various others. My brain is a bit scattered and I have interesting ways of dealing with my emotions. A lot of anger and instability sometimes. I have just began my first semester of college and I am used to the school grind coming easily but that just isn't the case anymore. I have scheduled an appointment with the college health center and a counselor after being advised by my extended opportunity academic counselor to do so. My drug use has been heavy this last year and I'm finally realizing how bad all of it is. I thought I discovered myself through drugs but they have only taken my true self away. I am ready to start this path toward abstinence but will definitely need every bit of support I can get. I would like to use this forum as a tool that I can use at anytime and to be held accountable by. To begin this Id like to know the first steps I should take. I was thinking about buying a planner to fill my time with constructive activities. College and work are a big distraction but I have instant cravings upon returning home and have yet to kill my current supply. I plan to quit all but the occasional weekend drink by the 10th of September. Any advice appreciated!

 

[Lamurion]

I really like NA. Helps to deal with a lot of upcoming feelings and selfdiscovery.

Good luck, you sound determined.
A new hobby and exercise and eating healthy also does much.

 

[herbavore]

I think that your impulse to garner as much support as you can is right on.

Cravings are a bitch but you can also mine them for important information. Where do they come from--what specific need to you feel that makes you vulnerable to addressing it with a substance that your rational mind has decided is self-defeating? Is it boredom, loneliness, need for meaningful connection, intimacy? Is it to drown out negative voices that you have allowed to take up residence in your own head masquerading as your own thoughts about yourself?

Best tools to use long-term are developing self-acceptance and a true compassion for your own being, forging connections with people that are not based on the narrow constructs society dictates ("you should have a girlfriend!" "You should be living a Corona commercial!") and finding your true resting place inside your own head. These tools go way beyond addiction--they are the life skills that make the difference between a frustrating and empty existence and a meaningful life. Who wants to get sober for an empty existence?