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Not Sure How to Respond

M

munki

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 30, 2000
Messages
625
Location
wa
So, I received this mildly freaky email on FB from an acquaintance of mine who lives in another city three hours away. He recently broke up with his fiance, who is also my friend, and since then has been posting these status updates about he is polyamorous now, and wants to find love. He whines about how he is such a nice guy but women never want to pursue anything with him. There is something about his whining that really rubs me the wrong way, but I haven't been quite been able to put my finger on what exactly it is. I feel a lot more loyalty to his ex-fiance than him anyhow. The last time I actually saw him in person was probably a couple years ago at an outdoor party. Anyhow, I got this email from him this morning:

Hey Munki, so what is your sexual lifestyle like? Are you poly by chance? I always thought of you as super attractive and wonder what you think about me. I kinda look different these days. Yep, I'm looking for love... Maybe if you're not looking for another partner, you could let me know of others who are? PEACE!
Click to expand...

This weirds me out! I am in a monogamous relationship and live with my BF. My friend's desperation is too much, and I don't know how to respond politely. I am inclined to not respond at all since it is so awkward. I don't want to tell my BF that I got this email either, since he is already a little bit insecure.

Help!
 
That's the most awkward message ever...I would just send him a brief and curt answer saying you're in an exclusive relationship with your BF and that's that.
 
That's so weird. Yeah, definitely not something you'd need to tell an insecure boyfriend. Not that there is anything to hide but there isn't really a good reason to tell him anyway. If I got a message like that, I'd probably tell my bf just because he'd find it amusing as well.

Like Pagey said, just tell him you're not interested.
 
Straight up - he's looking to get laid.

Polyamorous is cool if that's what you are in to, but for the most part, people won't be cool with it. They might at first but if you keep seeing each other, they want something more. That's why he's having a hard time finding women. I do give him props though for being honest with the women and not leading them on.
 
^

agreed

I used to tell people that, men and women, when I was a bit more slutty. It was more often than not a deal breaker for the ladies. The men were also sluts so they just told me whatever was clever! ;)

:)

I would be direct and say no. There probably isn't a reason to tell the boyfriend.
 
I would ignore the message all together.

If you respond, you are opening up the line of communication for further weirdness.
If you ignore, you end it before it starts.
Also, if you ignore/act like it's nonexistent- it never gets thrown back in your face.
(ex. you can respond- and then he can later use that to show his ex, your friend- or whatever)
Nothing good will come from it either way.

IGNORE.
 
Aww, he's so desperate. :(

Just be like, aww, thanks. I'm in a serious relationship with my boyfriend so sorry. I don't know anyone... but have you tried online dating? I've heard so many good things about them. You should make yourself a profile! :)
 
I wouldn't respond.

at all...

If I get an email or a text that makes me feel weird(er), I trash it and forget it. Life is short and I can't do all the crazy.

I can handle some crazy. But not all of it.

I just turned 54. My boundaries are rooted.
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
Aww, he's so desperate. :(

Just be like, aww, thanks. I'm in a serious relationship with my boyfriend so sorry. I don't know anyone... but have you tried online dating? I've heard so many good things about them. You should make yourself a profile! :)
Click to expand...

This sounds amazingly familiar..
 
Ignoring him might seem less awkward, but it screams cowardice to me.

How hard is to be direct and let him know you are not interested?

I just disagree with that kind of nonsense.

Why can I totally envision him or someone like him starting a thread asking strangers what your silence might mean?


:D
 
I am on the reply side....I don't think it is gonna hurt anyone to reply and just say something like hey thanks for the compliment, but I'm not really interested...as you said, he lives three hours away so it's not like you have to worry about him rocking up on your doorstep at weird hours....and if he doesn't take the hint you can always ignore him but I just don't get why you wouldn't try the polite response first if you have nothing to lose from it? His message is quite respectful IMO so I don't see any reason to treat him like a freak just because you don't want to fuck him...
 
if he is desperate and you give him any response he might feed off it. sometimes the way to deal with a behaviour is to act like it didn't exist.

ignore!!!!!!!

maybe when i'm famous i'll respond to fan mail but for now unless its something i want it goes into the long list of things i dont give a shit about
 
Tell him that you're not interested and that he should stop sending you these kind of messages.

If he still continues sending messages block him.

Ignoring from the start just doesn't seem right.
 
I dunno, he's being nice even if it is slightly creepy so I do think he at least deserves an answer, even though you should make it clear it's not gonna happen.
 
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