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Non-Negotiables: What are yours?

Cohesion

Cohesion

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 21, 2010
Messages
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Location
Portland, OR
Here's to living intentionally!

What are your non-negotiable traits you look for in a romantic relationship?

I'll start; I have 6. Historically if I am having to relate this list to someone it's to explain why we won't work.

1. (Must be) of a different culture than my own
2. Vegetarian
3. At least as intelligent as I am
4. Compassionate and respectful to people and animals
5. Physical attraction
6. Does not have a history of returning to substance abuse or dependency

My list is very strict but it makes sense for me and what I've learned I need. Now ... you share :)
 
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I look for people with similar interests

Never understood the whole "opposites attract" thing, guess it doesnt apply to everyone
 
I definitely wouldn't pass up a relationship because of your first 3 (or 4)
I don't really have a list, nor do I have any sort of strict idea of what I want in a partner
I guess some things would be:
1. Open minded
2. Make me feel better
3. Logical/reasonable
4. Able to keep a relationship with me through all my states/emotions/thoughts
5. Respect my desires. I need my down time and solitude, and I like to keep my secrets.
6. Can't be against (my) drug use
7. Not a (radical) feminist

I guess some other things I like, although not necessary, might be
1. Nurturing. I like a girl who can act like a loving mother sort of thing, it's hard to explain really.
2. Frivolous. I often come across as serious, but I'm usually just aloof/depressed. I like people who don't get caught up in life and take it seriously. I like people who can laugh at anything
3 a. Drama free. I'm a very stress free guy. I don't worry about anything, and I don't like drama
3 b. No gossip.
5. Straightforward honest. I don't like it when people aren't just straightforward with me and play stupid little games, but at the same time I like it when people play good games and tease/deny me obviously. I just don't like people trying to beat around the bush and going behind my back.

Hmmmm, what else...
I don't know really. The only thing I really care about is how they make me feel.
The last girl I fell in love with wasn't open minded, nor was she a thinker, she wasn't anything I'd actively look for (aside from physical features) but she made me feel good. I felt more comfortable around her than I have anyone else, I felt so content. Nothing else mattered, she was everything. So long as I was in her company, I didn't care about anything else.

I think it's all about synergy. Both physically and psychologically, the amalgamation of features is what's important to me, not just singled out characteristics. In the end, you don't just experience one thing, you experience them as a whole.
 
Hmm...
1. Attractive (to me) and interesting
2. Not crazy
3. Kind and thoughtful
4. In the same IQ bracket as I am
5. Honest
6. Satisfied with a monogamous relationship (hate swinging and 'the lifestyle'- not my thing
7. Employed
8. Not an alcoholic and ok w some drugs :)
9. Reliable
10. Sexually compatible

That's my top ten.
 
I like this. Keep 'em coming.

There are some that are obvious and don't make the list. ie) Not abusive, Doesn't sleep with others

This list is to fine-tune what "could be". I have no problem holding out.
 
1. Loyalty
2. Can cook, cuz I don't.
3. Submissive in the bed.
4. Have a job.
5. Get some time off with her girl friends from time to time so I can breathe.
 
1) Not ignorant
a) Cares about health (jacked from Lysis)
b) Not religious (via Beli)
2) Not petty
3) Loyal
4) No mental disorders
5) No genetic disorders

I'll make an effort to deal with anything else.
 
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1) Must want children
2) Must be apt to cleaning since I'm a great cook (or will split work 50/50) - No slackers
3) Must get along with my mother (although she's very accepting and easy to get along with anyway...)
4) Must be able to laugh at herself, and laugh at my jokes (I know it sounds stupid, but I've always been the "Funny Guy" - I crack jokes all day long...)
5) Have been with 5 or less guys. Yes I'm serious. - I don't want girls who were hitting every dude, it says a lot about them
6) Must give me my own space (I rarely ask, but when I need it, I need it - me and my girl now live & work together, spend maybe 1 day a week with the guys so I don't ask much)
7) Must not be opposed to our children celebrating christmas. Willing to negotiate and allow Hannukkah as well.
8 ) Must smoke cigarettes and be okay with whatever drug use I decide (would prefer to do it along side of me, but if not okay...)
 
Must be no less than 2 years younger than me. Should have an apparent lack of empathy, with few emotions to make them more bearable to be around.
Can't be too clingy, and can't be annoying at alll.. and I have to be very physically attracted to them, and there's few people I've come across who meet the criteria.
 
Must be independent.
Must have an excellent work ethic.
Must look kinda like a hot lesbian.
Cannot be prejudiced against minority (or majority groups)
Must have a positive attitude.
Must be OK with my drug use.
 
1. Loyalty
2. Must not be a self centered cunt of a person
3. Atleast as intelligent as i am
4. Interesting and the more interesting (not in the Chinese sense of the term) the better
5. Attractive
6. Must be atleast reasonably ok with moderate drug use. If i start drinking like a fish, getting mashed out of my head on opiates till i nod out or start shooting coke again i would hardly expect anyone to stay with me but i am not giving up my pain meds and Cannabis.
7. Must not be more insane then i am
 
1. Doesn't have/want kids
2. Doesn't want to get married. I want to be with the same guy forever, but I think getting married is a superfluous step to take.
3. Egalitarian
4. Kind
 
1. Physical compatibility - this manifests itself in sex, snuggling and generally the person having a certain smell and feeling right when we're near.
2. Non dogmatic thinking, I find black and white thinking very unattractive. Ability to see both sides of an argument/idea
3. Open minded, curious and open to new flavours and experiences
4. Non possessive or jealous and willing to have a non monogamous relationship. Non-judgemental about female sexuality and my ability to enjoy my body with him or others; I will never again be made to feel bad by a man or apologise about my sexuality.
5. Allows me my freedom and needs his! I'm done with co-dependent relationships.
6. Able to communicate, express his feelings and acknowledge mine, able to accept his own vulnerabilities
7. Can deal with my stubbornness and can "put me in my place" when I'm truly out of order - I'm a strong person so sometimes I need to be made to compromise or admit it when I'm wrong.
8. Left wing politics and leftfield tastes

That's it I think... I still can't believe I found a man who ticks all these boxes but I have :)
 
1. Go-getter type personality
2. Same interests (I've actually realized that the only long-term relationships I've had are with people who are computer engineers)
3. Considerate
4. Cares about his health
 
1) as intelligent as me
2) honest
3) not mind drug use
4) not mind dead bodies
5) doesn't open her mouth about me to people who aren't associated with me
 
I like how loyalty is high is on quite a few people's lists.

-Calm
-Responsible but still playful
-Sexually compatible
-Loyal
-Accepts my free spirit
-Don't have a specific "type" for looks but must be healthy, attractive to me
-Passionate about life
-Intelligent
-Needs to be physically active in some way
-Ability to have a sense of humor, especially about one's self
-Needs to love dancing or at least tolerates/appreciates that I love dancing as much as I do
 
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