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No sex effort

Have talked to wife several times about sex and nothing ever changes. Most everything I read outlines all the additional things the husband can do to try to increase the CHANCE of having more frequent sex.
 
Well I am female so I disagree that the scenario of the Man taking charge always the case. I've known plenty of women who are the instigators... (although it is so in your case) Perhaps you and your wife can benefit from a sex therapist or a counselor if it is that bad? Sometimes it helps to get it all out... I currently am going to see one with my husband, our problem is different though, sex is very painful for me and I feel no pleasure even though I really love him. Also is your wife on any meds? Some meds kill sex drive, or there may be another medical issue... I have no idea since I do not know you and little info was provided.

And if I'm off the mark totally maybe she wants you to take charge and be the instigator of sex. Maybe once you are making love/having sex tell her exactly what you want... she should be willing to comply. The ball is in yoir court there... put her on top ...No matter what a frank conversation,though I guess you have already talked about this?... but a frank conversation with some of the harder things to say is waranted.

What is it exactly you are looking for? More spontaneous action? Creativity in bed? Surprise her maybe with a kama sutra book to try out? If you give a little more info I'm sure many people have ideas for you... how long have you guys been together? I think all couples go through rough patches.. especially if you guys have small children they drain you to where you just fall asleep once once your head hits that pillow.
 
Why does having sex become a chance ? You should not need to increase your chances? "Furi" touches on some great points that should be addressed.
 
Thanks for replies. Been married 15 years and have 10 year old daughter. Both work full time. I wouldn't say our marriage is sexless but I would prefer more. When we do have sex it is always the same way and always initiated by me. If wife does "initiate" it consists of saying "wanna do it". If I do not initiate we would go months without sex. She rarely touches me during foreplay and if she does it is only for a second or two. I don't mind any of this most of the time but it is ALL the time. We have discussed on many occasions that I would like her to initiate sometimes and that I would like to spice it up sometimes. My wife is on the pill but no other medications. I don't need sex to be earth shattering every time but I feel like it is "duty sex" most of the time. I feel like roomates.
 
I am looking for more frequency, a little spice on occasion and for her to initiate every now and then. We have talked about this but nothing changes. I've read things like doing more housework or more romancing MAY get her in the mood more often but I feel like I have been the one to have the discussions so why wouldn't she try....even a little, to make a change? She always says she is perfectly happy with our sex life but understands what I am saying.
 
Jkmath said:
Thanks for replies. Been married 15 years and have 10 year old daughter. Both work full time. I wouldn't say our marriage is sexless but I would prefer more. When we do have sex it is always the same way and always initiated by me. If wife does "initiate" it consists of saying "wanna do it". If I do not initiate we would go months without sex. She rarely touches me during foreplay and if she does it is only for a second or two. I don't mind any of this most of the time but it is ALL the time. We have discussed on many occasions that I would like her to initiate sometimes and that I would like to spice it up sometimes. My wife is on the pill but no other medications. I don't need sex to be earth shattering every time but I feel like it is "duty sex" most of the time. I feel like roomates.
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So she does actually initiate it (good sign) - maybe she feels in a bit of a rut? If your both working full time and then home, dinner, daughter to bed, tv - bed and then maybe sex. Change it up, do you have a childminder? Can you send your daughter away for a weekend or just one night when you order take away? What are your normal day off activities? Staycation for a weekend in a hotel/ out of the blue activity with or without your daughter (pack a picnic, get your daughter to make the menu, you and her get up early and make this for your wife) - when you first got together what things did you enjoy to share? Can you not somehow repeat those?




I'm guessing that after 10 years of parenthood your free time can be seen as 'rest time' and sex can almost take second place.
 
If you've tried talking to your wife about it and nothing has changed I would suggest a relationship counsellor or sex therapist both of whom have helped me in the past.
There may be a bigger issue that is happening here, talk to a professional and work through it together.
However I know some women who never "vocally" initiate sex but will use subtle hints like rubbing their partners penis, pushing against their partner when spooning etc. which may or may not be relevant for you.
Good luck! Congratulations on such a long relationship! I hope that you can work through this issue together :)
 
I would say being busy is a huge part of it. Maybe I will try to plan something. This is sort of my point however that it is me looking to do more when she isn't willing to put forth any effort. I really want her to WANT to make an effort. I know it is a team effort in this relationship but I am not the only one on the team! I appreciate your advice and will try to incorporate some of your suggestions.
 
Thank you. Being that she is my wife I would hope I wouldn't be expected to be a detective and pick up on subtle hints (especially after discussing these issues at lenghth)!
 
Bearlove said:
That's really not that subtle ?
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Well you would think so wouldn't you? But apparently some men need you to give them a blowjob before they realise what you're getting at.
 
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Jkmath said:
I would say being busy is a huge part of it. Maybe I will try to plan something.
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Do you have someone to care for your child for a few days? Why not plan a dirty weekend away together?
It won't solve the issues but it might be enough to get her to relax, enjoy herself and rediscover sex as "fun" and not a "chore".
 
Jkmath said:
That would be great if she did something like that!
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I would definitely try! I've been with my other half for eight years and we have a three year old so often we're both exhausted for long periods of time. However we regularly make time for a child-free night together and it always ends with amazing sex.

I would definitely suggest it to her and hear her thoughts on it :)
 
Is it? There's a whole lot of other things men have going that women don't and vice versa.

We were biologically designed to be the hunters going after prey.
 
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