Relapse no motivation to do anything, along with feeling lazy. after suboxone/mdma withdrawal

[mikeyy4380]

Hello, how are all of you? Firstly, I would like to thank you all for the kind words everybody writes to others on here. I am a 26 year old guy struggling with this ugly thing called addiction.
I am constantly reading all these posts and threads on numerous different topics, trying to figure out what I should expect and when to expect them. So, for the reason of me getting to the point where i cannot find any discussion with my exact problem, i figured i would just finally post my own thread, as embarrassing to me as this may be.
I was addicted to opiates, pill form for about 5 years after I had my gastric bypass surgery. After my first relapse 2 years ago when i tried quitting cold turkey, it was about a 2 month period where i went back to opiates, realized i messed up and seeked help, which is when i was introduced to suboxone/subutex. The first couple months I was on a schedule with a doctor for the suboxone, until i couldnt afford its expensive out of pocket costs anymore, than just started purchasing it, from my guy. The subutex/suboxone I was taking about a year or so, but 6 months into that year I was introduced to this nasty stuff, MDMA/Molly.
That all turned into a daily regimen for me of taking subxone and/or subutex AND MDMA(crystal form) everyday for about 6 months. That absolutely destroyed my life, it made everything turn for the worse. I was taking about 24mg sub/day and 1-2 g of MDMA/day.
After getting kicked out of my house, losing my job, my car I figured I hit rock bottom. SO, I ended up moving out of state to a relatives house, where I KNEW if i wanted to get clean, I would HAVE TO get away from where EVERYTHING is a phone call away. March 16th, 2017 was my clean date, cold turkey. UNTIL my cousin got into a bad accident and was in the hospital and ended up coming back home to where i was living, along with OXYcodone pills and a bunch of other stuff i wasnt interested in. UNTIL I seen them sitting on the counter and ended up relapsing ONCE AGAIN!!!
BASICALLY, my question is, after going through the withdrawal period from MDMA and SUBOXONE/SUBUTEX, cold turkey for 2 months. I relapsed using oxy for about a month. I checked myself into a detox clinic, not knowing what to expect, thankfully I didnt withdrawal at all!
When should I feel somewhat human again? I have no motivation, I lose interest in things so easily. Did that binge set me back so much to where It reversed everything I accomplished in those few months i was clean? I am just chasing some energy and WANTING to do things I wanted to do!
As of right now, I am clean since July 22nd. One month today. When should i expect to get my energy back? PLEASE ANY information/supplements/natural remedies, would be amazingly helpful.

 

[simco]

I have no experience with detoxing from long-term, habitual MDMA use, so I can't be of much help there.

As far as recovery from opioid addiction, people often report at least some improvement in mood and outlook at around 90 days of abstinence. This squared with my own experience. I know that seems like a long way off right now. But you're making really good progress, with 30+ days under your belt.

There definitely are things that can improve how you're feeling here and now. You'll often hear people in recovery talk about the HALTs... i.e. when you're feeling crummy, asking yourself, am I:
* Hungry
* Angry
* Lonely
* Tired?
To me the important thing about this is that it reminds me how important a fully integrated view of caring for yourself is during recovery. In other words, in order to feel as good as I can, I have to attend to many aspects of myself simultaneously. For me that means: good diet, good sleep hygiene, moderate exercise, good social interaction. Sometimes I still feel like shit, but not as often as I would if I weren't pretty generous with myself. I hope you find that this approach holds some appeal...it's been really important in my own recovery.

 

[Thinkwithportals]

To be honest, I feel that your brain may still be recovering from the long term MDMA use. Mdma is a nasty, tricky gal. I used to go on binges and my mind was not right for weeks after.
How did you feel after your cold turkey quit? Was motivation present?
One thing I have to always remind myself - is that motivation is not a natural, given thing. It is earned and learned through practices of self health. (To elaborate on what Sim said.)
Dont place expectations on yourself as far as "getting energy back" or stuff like that. Start by hydrating, often. A gallon a day. Seriously - it's hard and I'm still forcing myself to do it. Find a meaningful quote that registers with you and repeat it whenever your mind starts to wander off, take a few deep breaths and repeat it, over and over.
most of all - keep trucking along! And keep us updated.