Hilopsilo
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2016
- Messages
- 606
I've been tripping ~8 years, done LSD, mushrooms, 2c-b many times, and DMT a couple times. I've also done nitrous at least hundreds of times. I've always dismissed it as sort of a cheap party high, just euphoria and weird sensation. I've also done it on LSD before, lots of LSD, it was more intense and definitely cooler experience. But just that, euphoria and weird sensation.
Last night, I was in a very good place. I took MDMA and a very small dose of LSD (~100ug), I was with all my best friends after a concert in hotel room, girlfriend, love of my life, lying with me, couldn't be happier. I was incredibly comfortable.
My friend brought a cracker, so I decided to take one balloon of nitrous. My girlfriend took one (also on LSD), came out of it and started BABBLING on about some otherworldly experience, she couldn't put it into words. She is not very experienced with psychedelic drugs, at least compared to me, so I listened to her every word, but in my head didn't really believe it could have been like that. Boy was I wrong.
What happened next was maybe the most profound experience of my entire life, far beyond DMT, very high doses of mushrooms, LSD, Salvia, anything.
I took the hit, and I started to feel the usual warm feeling. But this time a sort of "question" popped up, I needed to like accept or let go of something. And I just kind of did it since I was in such a good place in real life. For lack of a better way of explaining it, I sort of accepted that I was God or something like that. A sort of head nod to the possibility I am truly the supreme being and that launches me into the craziest experience of my entire life. And I sort accepted to return to the life of what that was
Eyes wide open, I entered into myself, and learned everything at once, I felt every single emotion at once. It was an instantaneous blast off/breakthrough.
And I relived my life with this information an infinity times over and became an entirely new person. Sort of what is the quintessential hippie? It was a specific life, I was a sort of hippy person, and that was the life I needed to pursue (that sounds so silly, but it was THAT literal), I was ACTUALLY that person and my entire life was just a "dream" or something and it was so obvious. And I grew up to be that person who was omniscient, and this was real life and I was never coming back. It was like I was able to see over the horizon, some shit that humans aren't supposed to see or know. I felt like I was never going to my past life, since this was the actual reality.
Finally, I came back to the room slowly and realized where I was, I was utterly unable to speak for the next half hour. Even typing this I'm like shaking. My girlfriend goes: "see?"
After about an hour of just shock, I knew how to get to that place. I just to "accept" the question at the beginning, and this time I'll be able to get further around the carousel, or turn to the next page, to learn more and get in deeper.
So I loaded up another, lying with my love as I had before, and did it again. I immediately was able to accept to be god once again, and I was able to sort of skip the first page and go to the next. But that's where it got seriously messed up.
The "second" page was a lie, that was the fucking trick all along. I instantly understood, the next page just leads you to the next, and then to next in a never ending loop, just trying to get to that next thing, see the next page. And I saw myself lose my mind entirely, I became clinically insane in this sort of "vision". I had locked myself in a never ending vision of myself becoming further and further obsessed with getting around the next corner, but it was just to lead me to the next one in a never ending loop of obsession and insanity. In my mind I was screaming in a psych ward somewhere as a complete psycho. And I could never escape because I would never be able to tell reality apart from this place I had reached. Locked away in my own mind of all knowing, driving me mad. Psychiatrists and therapists trying to figure out what was wrong with me as I babbled on about what WAS there, and how they couldn't possibly understand what I saw. I saw myself become, a homeless sort of, "whippit junkie" using my entire life to try and get to the next page. The most graphic was my teeth and body rotting away and I cared for nothing but to just get to that NEXT level, because I was so sure that would be the one, the answer. I was eternally trapped in never being able to discern reality from this place ever again.
Then it transported me to the past, where my experimenting with psychedelics first began when I was like 15 y/o. I was surrounded by my family, friends, and a psychiatrist/therapist. In a sort of "tsk tsk, silly boy, didn't we warn you this would happen? look what you've done", and that was so incredibly profound. I was so sure one of them was going to say, "thats what nitrous will do to you", and I was just 8 years back, and my entire life leading up to actual reality was a "life" created by that first balloon of nitrous. I started to come out of it and the room came back into focus my girlfriend with her hand on my chest was the psychiatrist, and my friends in the room were my family and friends. My girlfriend whispered "its going to be okay", my friends around the room completely oblivious to what happened, going about random chatter.
An overwhelming sense of relief and peace washed over me. Once again, just like after the first breakthrough, nobody could relate to what happened to me, they thought the nitrous were fun and mind bending of course, but not like that.
I'm not one to exaggerate, I'm not spiritual int he slightest and I've always learned things from psychedelic drugs, but nothing so VIVID, nothing that I couldn't just take with a grain of salt because I was aware that it wasn't actually reality.
But this, wow, one could take this VERY seriously. I feel like this is how these sort of archetypes are created, people who see this other side and latch onto that completely and take it as the truth. You know, the sort of "enlightened" heady-wookie neo-hippie people, for lack of a better way to explain it. Completely detached from reality and in this alternate world. Part of me wants to go back so badly, what could possibly be around the next corner as I can sort of "shortcut" to where I was last time since I was there already and instantly know how to get there again when the nitrous begins to take effect.
It all feels like theres just a "trick" or technique to trigger the experience, and knowing how to do that IS the answer all along. You just have to let go and accept that you are god, because that is the truth but its such a crazy (and somewhat difficult) thing to just embrace, but when you do THAT IS IT.
I don't know, this probably all sounds like gibberish. I'm not exaggerating, I've tripped hundreds of times very hard, but nothing like this. This is sticking with me for the rest of my life in an entirely different way. I still haven't been able to fully verbalize this to my girlfriend, or anyone really.
The main thing that threw me off was like, this was definitely much crazier than the times I've smoked DMT and blasted off I think. Anyone else feel this way as well? This was allowed me to, as others have written it seems, "peak behind the curtain of reality and see how it all works and, aha!" for a brief moment then its gone. But continuing to try to peak further is futile and I will only become a lunatic psycho? fuck i dont know...
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_nitrous
substancecode_dissociatives
substancecode_lsd
substancecode_lysergamides
substancecode_mdma
substancecode_empathogens
_combo_
explevel_firsttime
exptype_positive
exptype_spiritual
roacode_oral
roacode_sublingual
roacode_inhaled
Last night, I was in a very good place. I took MDMA and a very small dose of LSD (~100ug), I was with all my best friends after a concert in hotel room, girlfriend, love of my life, lying with me, couldn't be happier. I was incredibly comfortable.
My friend brought a cracker, so I decided to take one balloon of nitrous. My girlfriend took one (also on LSD), came out of it and started BABBLING on about some otherworldly experience, she couldn't put it into words. She is not very experienced with psychedelic drugs, at least compared to me, so I listened to her every word, but in my head didn't really believe it could have been like that. Boy was I wrong.
What happened next was maybe the most profound experience of my entire life, far beyond DMT, very high doses of mushrooms, LSD, Salvia, anything.
I took the hit, and I started to feel the usual warm feeling. But this time a sort of "question" popped up, I needed to like accept or let go of something. And I just kind of did it since I was in such a good place in real life. For lack of a better way of explaining it, I sort of accepted that I was God or something like that. A sort of head nod to the possibility I am truly the supreme being and that launches me into the craziest experience of my entire life. And I sort accepted to return to the life of what that was
Eyes wide open, I entered into myself, and learned everything at once, I felt every single emotion at once. It was an instantaneous blast off/breakthrough.
And I relived my life with this information an infinity times over and became an entirely new person. Sort of what is the quintessential hippie? It was a specific life, I was a sort of hippy person, and that was the life I needed to pursue (that sounds so silly, but it was THAT literal), I was ACTUALLY that person and my entire life was just a "dream" or something and it was so obvious. And I grew up to be that person who was omniscient, and this was real life and I was never coming back. It was like I was able to see over the horizon, some shit that humans aren't supposed to see or know. I felt like I was never going to my past life, since this was the actual reality.
Finally, I came back to the room slowly and realized where I was, I was utterly unable to speak for the next half hour. Even typing this I'm like shaking. My girlfriend goes: "see?"
After about an hour of just shock, I knew how to get to that place. I just to "accept" the question at the beginning, and this time I'll be able to get further around the carousel, or turn to the next page, to learn more and get in deeper.
So I loaded up another, lying with my love as I had before, and did it again. I immediately was able to accept to be god once again, and I was able to sort of skip the first page and go to the next. But that's where it got seriously messed up.
The "second" page was a lie, that was the fucking trick all along. I instantly understood, the next page just leads you to the next, and then to next in a never ending loop, just trying to get to that next thing, see the next page. And I saw myself lose my mind entirely, I became clinically insane in this sort of "vision". I had locked myself in a never ending vision of myself becoming further and further obsessed with getting around the next corner, but it was just to lead me to the next one in a never ending loop of obsession and insanity. In my mind I was screaming in a psych ward somewhere as a complete psycho. And I could never escape because I would never be able to tell reality apart from this place I had reached. Locked away in my own mind of all knowing, driving me mad. Psychiatrists and therapists trying to figure out what was wrong with me as I babbled on about what WAS there, and how they couldn't possibly understand what I saw. I saw myself become, a homeless sort of, "whippit junkie" using my entire life to try and get to the next page. The most graphic was my teeth and body rotting away and I cared for nothing but to just get to that NEXT level, because I was so sure that would be the one, the answer. I was eternally trapped in never being able to discern reality from this place ever again.
Then it transported me to the past, where my experimenting with psychedelics first began when I was like 15 y/o. I was surrounded by my family, friends, and a psychiatrist/therapist. In a sort of "tsk tsk, silly boy, didn't we warn you this would happen? look what you've done", and that was so incredibly profound. I was so sure one of them was going to say, "thats what nitrous will do to you", and I was just 8 years back, and my entire life leading up to actual reality was a "life" created by that first balloon of nitrous. I started to come out of it and the room came back into focus my girlfriend with her hand on my chest was the psychiatrist, and my friends in the room were my family and friends. My girlfriend whispered "its going to be okay", my friends around the room completely oblivious to what happened, going about random chatter.
An overwhelming sense of relief and peace washed over me. Once again, just like after the first breakthrough, nobody could relate to what happened to me, they thought the nitrous were fun and mind bending of course, but not like that.
I'm not one to exaggerate, I'm not spiritual int he slightest and I've always learned things from psychedelic drugs, but nothing so VIVID, nothing that I couldn't just take with a grain of salt because I was aware that it wasn't actually reality.
But this, wow, one could take this VERY seriously. I feel like this is how these sort of archetypes are created, people who see this other side and latch onto that completely and take it as the truth. You know, the sort of "enlightened" heady-wookie neo-hippie people, for lack of a better way to explain it. Completely detached from reality and in this alternate world. Part of me wants to go back so badly, what could possibly be around the next corner as I can sort of "shortcut" to where I was last time since I was there already and instantly know how to get there again when the nitrous begins to take effect.
It all feels like theres just a "trick" or technique to trigger the experience, and knowing how to do that IS the answer all along. You just have to let go and accept that you are god, because that is the truth but its such a crazy (and somewhat difficult) thing to just embrace, but when you do THAT IS IT.
I don't know, this probably all sounds like gibberish. I'm not exaggerating, I've tripped hundreds of times very hard, but nothing like this. This is sticking with me for the rest of my life in an entirely different way. I still haven't been able to fully verbalize this to my girlfriend, or anyone really.
The main thing that threw me off was like, this was definitely much crazier than the times I've smoked DMT and blasted off I think. Anyone else feel this way as well? This was allowed me to, as others have written it seems, "peak behind the curtain of reality and see how it all works and, aha!" for a brief moment then its gone. But continuing to try to peak further is futile and I will only become a lunatic psycho? fuck i dont know...
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_nitrous
substancecode_dissociatives
substancecode_lsd
substancecode_lysergamides
substancecode_mdma
substancecode_empathogens
_combo_
explevel_firsttime
exptype_positive
exptype_spiritual
roacode_oral
roacode_sublingual
roacode_inhaled
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