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Jenna11713

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 5, 2020
Messages
30
Hi I’m jenna
From Brisbane Australia
I’m a registered nurse
Long time reader /lurker (mainly
When high ☺)
So long history of heroin /morphine addiction but stopped in December 2018 and went on to
The
Subetex program, as my drug use resulted in the loss of my two children in family court to their father full time.
Finished subby program in January
But now I’ve found I’m getting a little to in to the meth (I am an iv user)
Started as a coping mechanism for dealing with losing my
Children and missing them etc
Kind of a like a distraction but now it’s like daily except for the one week when I stay clean so I pass my court ordered drug tests ( I’m so ashamed ) it’s been going on now since April and it’s really took a shocking toll on my appearance and many other things, I still go to my job every day (not good I know) most I go without sleep is 3 days max. My tolerance has also increased so I’m using more and going through it quicker too.
I dont do it with anyone as it makes me very stuck in my own head and anti social,
But it’s getting way out of hand now
In the last few weeks because of how much the prices have gone up I have been ripped off $2000 by 4 different people I can go through and what’s worse half of these people I would consider “friends “.
I’m spending like half my pay a fortnight on gear and I’ve used all my savings, I honestly think it’s been worse for me than my heroin addiction was as this has got so full on so quickly and the worst thing is I don’t even really enjoy being On it anymore it’s become just like a habit or just what I do to cope, I do want to stop as I feel so disgusted in myself as a mother carrying on this way and lots of other reasons.
I’ve started with a drug counsellor but to be honest I think I’m just putting it off to avoid the feelings I will have to feel when I’m clean and won’t have drugs as my escape or crutch.
But with the amount of money I have been ripped off I just dont want to do it anymore as it’s too risky of it happening again, and it’s just made me not want to do it anymore.
But obviously the main reason is it’s not good and I want to do the righT thing for my kids etc and I can’t just replace one addiction with another like this and avoid dealing with my reality forever.
My brother was addicted to it for 10 years but since his son was born last year has stopped and stayed off it. No one knows i even do it let alone how often I do it except counsellor but not my family or non drug related friends / associates.
I hope I’ve made sense and not rambled on too much but would like to know is it best to cut down or just go cold turkey and just.be like right no more ?
Thanks
 
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welcome to bluelight jenna where all of us know exactly what you're feeling - well most. i would say cut down but it has worked for me. going straight cold turkey will have you in hell and if i was feeling that way good luck keeping me from scoring if you know what i mean.

I know how the scene and people in it can take advantage of you too i've lost someone very important to me to iv meth and the health hazards that come with it but before the health hazard as in biological she was beaten, raped, robbed, her car was the delivery car, and she didn't understand what she was implicating herself in either too far gone or she was raised in a very small town and she was just too innocent and then one day she lost that innocence completely. they're not your friends. the only reason you meet up is because it makes using easier / more comfortable and i dont know the situation but i think you know what i mean.

i got far away from everyone it isn't always an option, right after w/ds ended i joined the armed forces.

i still use certain substances but i have no dependence like i did on opiates. it was weaning down and weaning HARD it should be a little a lot uncomfortable but obv nowhere near cold turkey so you're done quicker. then i got away from everyone which helped more thats the best advice i can give you. take a look around the forum we have all kinds of support i was accepted so quick i couldnt believe it even when we bicker we're all cool among ourselves 5 min later.
it's a good place.
 
Jenna11713 said:
is it best to cut down or just go cold turkey
Click to expand...
Taper. Gradual cut down over time will be the path of least resistance. If ya decide to go this route and wanna try to work out a plan it can be done.
Welcome to bluelight. Glad to have you and hope maybe someone among us can give some needed insight(s).
Gettin' ripped off is such a bs experience. Had to mostly remove myself from these traps and no longer have to deal with rip-artists so much.
Well, hope ya can stay a bit. Lot of unruly content goins on. :)
Be safe and best wishes,
Ptah
 
Jenna11713 said:
But now I’ve found I’m getting a little to in to the meth (I am an iv user)
Click to expand...
This then be the subject matter.
alarminglynefarious said:
i would add taper uncomfortably
Click to expand...
I agree. Not sure what is wrong with me today maybe need to smoke more. Thought we were on some basic pill discussion and am again in error.
My bad.
No suggestions for getting off IV meth other than quit but there are those who have just put it away and may jump in and offer other insight(s).
Again, my apologies for being pre-occupied and posting :poop: posts.
;)
Ptah
 
Thanks for the responses already , super welcoming !😊
Yes I know they are not real friends as I don’t think there’s such a thing a friends in the drug world, not meth anyway. But yes they are not People I would normally associate with no.
yes the ripping off of Money is getting so common here that it’s kind of just accepted it’s going to happen to you at least once, people don’t even want to part with the stuff not Even for in my opinion insane prices, as they are worried they won’t be able to get more as there are times where you can’t find anyone who’s selling and the quality of it has dropped so much that you need to use like double sometimes more of your usual dose!
It’s really got quite expensive and not as good very fast.
I know I need to not speak to anyone associated with it anymore to be able to get off it and stay off but my impulse control is terrible and I’ve made my decision and halfway there before I even realise (sounds stupid I know) and sometimes people will ring u and ask if You want any while they are getting it etc . I know I can do it just putting it off I guess, not wanting to set a date because I’m afraid of stopping and how I’m going to cope.
I think knowing myself I just need to stop altogether and not taper as I feel like I will just drag out every time I need to taper down more .
I’m just wondering from other people’s experience if there is a mental/psychological withdrawal and what it looks like or was like for you and how long it lasted.
I know I will crave it, and that’s going to be rough but I just can not keep doing this and I want to stop.
 
Hey, I'm on GC.

Haven't had any meth for almost ten years - glad I'm not into that stuff at the moment. Close to a grand for a g I hear? Fuck that. Plus quality is probably really poor.

Usually I'd suggest you don't necessarily have to be all or none - maybe just try and make it a weekend thing.. but I don't even see how that could be sustainable at the moment.
 
It’s not sustainable at all unless you have a lot of money to waste and yeah the price you mentioned is correct! I mean sometimes a bit cheaper if you know them well type thing but not by much and yes the quality is dreadful !
 
Coke still seems reasonable.. well, reasonable by Australian standards.

I'm trying to keep it together for the most part though, I'm just up cause it's my first night off in a while.

Hope all the other aspects of the Covid shituation aren't affecting you too much.
 
I think it a great idea for us all... try to keep it together. 'Swat sets 'em (us) apart - including yourself.
Congrats,
. =D
1
 
Hi Jenna, welcome to BL and thanks for sharing your story. Sounds like you’ve been through the wars but you’ll get plenty of sympathy and support here from people having gone through the same or similar. It’s also good to see another Aussie join the forum. I’m in Sydney and starting to try and kick an IV meth habit - so happy to chat about the challenges of doing that anytime you like. I’ve kicked it before 5 years ago but it recently came back and got another hold of me.

Also, sorry to hear of your problems getting ripped off. It’s happening everywhere and to everyone at the moment in Australia. I got done for a couple of hundred a few weeks ago.
 
Hi Jenna, finally, someone else has shared my experience of being ripped off for dope. Sometimes it seems only I have ever got home opened the sack to realize it was not real.

Sorry you have to go through withdrawal. Sounds like it will be worth it though. Rehab is what I would try in order to not end up drunk for days or some such mayhem.
 
Yes it’s hard to take but I guess we are always taking a gamble buying illegal drugs. What got me more was these are people I know quite well and sometimes I just can’t believe the things people are ok with doing!
We bought a half weight off a guy who I know and who is good mates with a friend of mine and it was just 5 Points of msm! I was fuming! Like who does that? Seriously . It’s not something u want to do to the wrong person!
But yes the constant risk and actual experience of being ripped off has really changed my attitude towards the stuff ! I seriously don’t want to go through the anxiety of another deal! I’m always nervous and suspecting everybody is going to do the shit thing.
But yes with the ripping off , no decent gear around and mind boggling prices I just have to be done with it once and for all. I think when it’s having this level of a negative impact on my life then it’s kind of pointless to continue.
 
Hey @Jenna11713
Welcome to Bluelight. :)

Just know that you are not alone. Many of us on here are in one stage of recovery or another, and some are doing more research. I give you props for seeing that you have a problem with it, and now you are doing something to make a positive change in your life.
Just takes time you know. No one is cured overnight.
Tapering can be good, but when shit hits the fan you want some type of relief and there it is easy to do a little more then the taper. This is where like groups, therapy, counseling etc comes into play.
What has helped me is having someone outside of the family that I can communicate with when I am feeling really bad, like mentally and physically.
A therapist is a good start, but sometimes they are not there to answer the phone at like 2am.
Not sure what your thoughts are on AA/NA, I am not the type to go and socialize much but it is something different, and to be honest i'd do anything so I can stay sober for another day.

May I suggest maybe thinking about starting a blog? or maybe post in how are you feeling in one word thread.

Let me know if you need help with anything <3
 
I’ve been around meth for a long time and I would recommend to you to put the needle away and try to just snort a ver small amount. I have found that for me I used 3 times less and felt way better highs. Again I’ve been around a lot of people for a long time with meth. The ones who shoot really don’t feel the effect as much and they go through a hell of a lot more.
Try just a small bit snort it. I know it burns but u will feel it and it will last.
just my experience. And hang in there your not a bad person. Don’t let society norms bring you down.
 
I sti
NYCityguy said:
I’ve been around meth for a long time and I would recommend to you to put the needle away and try to just snort a ver small amount. I have found that for me I used 3 times less and felt way better highs. Again I’ve been around a lot of people for a long time with meth. The ones who shoot really don’t feel the effect as much and they go through a hell of a lot more.
Try just a small bit snort it. I know it burns but u will feel it and it will last.
just my experience. And hang in there your not a bad person. Don’t let society norms bring you down.
Click to expand...
I still kick myself for shooting the bag I had decided to shoot in order to have the experience of IV meth. IV meth takes you to a high that is too much side effects. You're right, snorting feels just fine and a 20 could last 3 days.
 
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