Never thought I'd be posting here again...

[Sowle]

Hey y'all!

Old skool BLer here...hope you'll still accept me Been three years off a 12yr dope habit n doing really well...like got life back together to the extent that no one knows my past unless I tell them.

Got bored in Nov and figured chipping would alleviate it...well that has turned into shooting dope twice a day daily.

The kindling effect is real...and I am really strung out again! Knew it would happen but not this quick. Haven't shot dope in three days (not due to choice) and I am physically fucked. The mental is pretty awful too (got valium) but I am literally having to lie to everyone and can ask no one in real world for help, lest the wall of lies crumbles.

Don't really know why I'm posting this, but maybe someone out there feels the same...

 

[PtahTek]

First thing that came to mind was "the prodigy son".
He man, welcome back hope ya stick around for the sharing experience and possibly some comfort, love, laughs and a beratement or two may come into play once NR comes along.

But seriosly... glad to have ya would be my general conses of the collective so just kick back and feel at home, yes?
Gotta get some rest so will check back sometime in the AM or maybe afternoon gotta make my weekly "pilgramage".
Best to you and yours.

 

[neversickanymore]

Nice work on getting cleaned up and all that you accomplished!!!

Your four days in and as you know that means you are almost there!!

Get back to doing all the things that got you and kept you where you want to be.

Look at the what lead back to use and make adjustments so it won't happen again.

@Sowie

 

[RareForm]

It's great to see a real old skooler around. I wish it were under better circumstances, but you said it, you didn't feel you had anyone in the real world with whom to share this burden and plight. That's what we're here for, my friend. NSA shared some great advice. Follow the path that kept you where you wanted. We're here as a sounding board for whatever you need to get out and help in the ways we can. You got this.

 

[deficiT]

Welcome back, sorry to hear about your recent troubles. That still doesn't discount all of the good you did and the success you had previously. You can get back to that.

Is it not possible to switch to either maintenance or something a little bit safer like kratom? It can be addictive but doesn't have the same risks as shooting dope. It's really dangerous out there dude so I just hope you factor that in.

Sounds like you want to keep things quiet but, and just speaking plainly here, would you rather your family and friends find out you're using from you reaching out for help, or from them finding your body? It's definitely serious out there, we've buried way too many so please try and stay safe. Sending some love.

 

[endlessnameless]

Hey y'all!

Old skool BLer here...hope you'll still accept me Been three years off a 12yr dope habit n doing really well...like got life back together to the extent that no one knows my past unless I tell them.

Got bored in Nov and figured chipping would alleviate it...well that has turned into shooting dope twice a day daily.

The kindling effect is real...and I am really strung out again! Knew it would happen but not this quick. Haven't shot dope in three days (not due to choice) and I am physically fucked. The mental is pretty awful too (got valium) but I am literally having to lie to everyone and can ask no one in real world for help, lest the wall of lies crumbles.

Don't really know why I'm posting this, but maybe someone out there feels the same...

A pet-peeve of mine is when people make other peoples threads about themselves, but since you asked: I can indeed relate; I too have relapsed (though frankly that was over 18 months ago) - but the two key differences in my case here are that 1. I'm not shooting but smoking and 2. I've recently been found out, and by my mother of all people who I live under the same roof with. Now I had planned on telling her anyway this week which is why its such an incredible coincidence (and that very coincidence is what brought me back to BL after quite sometime.

I've spent the last year trying to kick at every given opportunity but to be honest I'm fucking sick of sweating it out all weekend, sometimes even calling in sick for work Monday and Tuesday only to score out of panic on Tuesday night. Tried to kick over the Christmas/new years which didn't work as when you owe your dealer and he's willing to front you its very difficult to refuse when you're ringing wet from sweat and haven't slept or been able to eat in three days.
Now I promised myself if I couldn't kick over the Christmas/New Years (crap time for kicking in general due to it being the depths of winter but also with having to see family etc) that I'd pay my doctor a visit at the first opportunity in the new year to talk about getting on Methadone short term. I had done this in the past with the same doctor where I refused to take any more than 20mls p/d and I was actually on and off it within 8 weeks and stayed clean for longer than I can actually remember. I would be willing to do this...and enquired as to when I'd be able to see him...and I was told that he was away at the moment and wouldn't be back until the end of the month.

Cant bare the thoughts of having to do do this tip-toing around at night lying about where I'm going hating myself for what I'm doing for another month but I *really* don't have much of a choice and now I *have* to use and I *have* to lie because cold-turkey isn't feasible in the job I'm in. I suppose since I've no choice but to wait a month I may as well try some other methods (bare in mind my habit is 1-2 bags a day so not at all a big one but a habit is a habit and no being able to function without it speaks for itself so no dick-measuring please). Might copy and paste this into its own thread so as to get some more personal feedback, especially from those who've CT'd while working. Needed to vent as fuck knows I've no one else to talk to - at least not about this and its all I can think about.